Sublimating Gayness

[pellaz]

i saw "Sublimating Gayness" on the nytimes.. It seems to have a psychology or a physics connotation. how ever to see this.

the actual question:
so along the way to becoming the gay person you are; what was the path you took? What did you include dwell on, what did you skip over ignore.

did you think you were bi at first than gay, what convinced you were gay (i went to a bi men's local group meeting, most of the men were cheating on their families. Seemed a difficult un rewarding life.)
were you homophobic at first? (yes)
did you feel the need to tell everyone? (more than necessary)

[Woollyhats]

I didn't initially understand what homosexuality was, because my father pretended it didn't exist until it started making frequent appearances everywhere (shows that referenced it were banned, etc.). Because of this, I fell in love with a close friend, and didn't even understand what had happened. Because of that, neither of us were ever homophobic, although if he ever comes out as bi-sexual I'll eat my hat (and I don't even have a hat...soooo).

Unfortunately, once I began to understand that "maybe I really was gay", I thought that perhaps I was only gay because I had never had a girlfriend yet, so I promptly went about getting one. Didn't really know what to do, unfortunately, so didn't last very long. Sexuality isn't reliant on partners, after all, and I had to learn who I was the hard way. This was all many years ago.

Later, probably in near the end of grade 10ish, grade 11ish I convinced myself I was bi, and as I became more comfortable accepted that I was gay; and educated myself on what it meant (at first using wikipedia, and later gay rights groups like WipeOuthomophobia on Facebook, my personal favourite).

So: I thought I was bi for awhile, I was never homophobic, and I do feel the need to tell everyone, but I've only told several friends at this point. Realistically I'll probably only ever tell my friends and family, I don't imagine it's something that I need to write on a name tag exactly...

I do think I overcompensate. I am extremely concerned for and with helping others, and I always thought that "all gay people were like that", until I actually met people besides myself that are gay, and realised that's not quite true... so maybe I over compensate a little bit.

I dwelled heavily on how I was going to hide my sexuality for the rest of my life.... the shift (it was slow but looking back I can see it) was in a gradual, and increasing, concern for "who am I going to spend this life with?". Even if I live alone forever, I want to do it by my own choice and not from fear after all .



---I know this is all over the place, but tried to answer everything. I had a very convoluted time accepting myself, which only truly happened in the past year or so.

[Mirage]

I grew up in an extremely religious conservative household. My father was such a religious psychopath he seemed almost like Fred Phelps' little brother. Needless to say, homosexuality was rarely brought up in the home, and when it was, gay people were treated with the utmost disgust. My father's church frequently held "conversion" sessions to feebly attempt to turn gay men straight.

Surprisingly enough, I was never homophobic or self loathing due to the religion bullshit brainwashing sessions. I think I have my atheist (see: levelheaded) grandmother to thank for that. I spent a lot of time with her and she educated me about a great many things. Nanna was a very smart woman and I miss having her in my life

Anyway, I did go through the whole "am I bi or gay" thing in my late teens....mainly trying to convince myself I wasn't gay (not that there's anything wrong with that! hehe) because I knew how my family would react. I tried dating a girl around my junior year of high school, but obviously it didn't work out. I knew damn well I was gay, and just wasn't being honest with myself.

I came out fully when I was 23 and have been comfortable with myself ever since. It was such a load off my shoulders when I finally stopped trying to be something I wasn't and could just go through life being me.

Do I feel the need to tell people? Well I don't go around announcing it from the rooftops, but if someone brings the topic up, I don't shy away or evade it either.

Do I overcompensate? I don't think so. I act like I always have, I just happen to be an out-of-the-closet gay man. I have my ups and downs, but that's attributed to mood and personality, not my sexuality.