I've recently entered the Friendzone... with benefits

[wilmerguido]

I'm from Manila Philippines, so I'm not sure if our gay dating culture is different from other countries, but nonetheless, I need some help with my problem.

So, I've been going out with a guy for a few months already as friends and nothing more. He made it clear on the second time we went out that we're better as friends. On the fifth or sixth time, I asked him if there's any chance he'd see me more than just a friend, and he said "Let's see". The last time we went out, one thing lead to another and I ended up asking him if he wanted to have sex, so I could finally get over him. This is what I usually do to get over someone. I hook up with them once, then I magically stop feeling anything for them. Afterwards, I expected myself to be over him, but it turns out, I'm not. I still think about him everyday, but I'm a lot less needy, which is a good thing. But I told him I was over him, and we could continue as friends.

We have so much in common. We're both full blooded Chinese living in the Philippines. He studied Marketing, I took up Advertising. We're both working in our respective family businesses. We're both non traditional Christians, we both love to work out, and eat.

One of the possible reasons that he doesn't want to date me is that because he's into twinks, and I'm definitely no twink, and for the past few months, I've been religiously going to the gym so that I could come closer to his ideal partner's body type, but that just not going to happen, since I realize I'd have to starve myself to be a twink. Well, he didn't tell me do anything. I was just hoping that if he saw how much effort I'm putting into going to the gym for him to like me, then maybe he'll find it in his heart to like me.

It's emotionally impossible for me to think of two guys at a time. In order to start dating other guys, I'd have to get over the existing one. It's just hard for me to accept that he didn't even want to try to date me, since we do have so much in common, and our conversations are always so spontaneous...

So.. what should I do?

[Genersis]

You probably shouldn't of lied about being over him.
This is the page he's likely still on.

If he's not interested, I don't think there's much chance of making him interested. It's not really something you can actively change.

So you may want to be honest with how you feel, as for where to go from there...well, I guess that will be something for you both to decide.
Be that friendship, relationship, or neither.

[SlipknotRlZZ]

Hey.

You don't know the reasons why he doesn't want to date you. I mean, it could be that he's into twinks and you're not a twink, but it could be something else entirely. If you guys have so much in common, you'd still probably be great together as friends, right? Maybe that's how he sees it. Try maybe not being so hard on yourself, and on him too. Really, things are what they are right now and perhaps they will change for the better in the future, maybe you'll get your chance with him. Maybe you just need more time with this guy, more time to get over him.

Good luck, man. Don't despair. :]

[chrisconker]

continue being friends..sex is good..why let a relationship ruin things

[d3n]

Sometimes the chemistry simply won't work on one end. I guess it was a nice effort to try to become his ideal but I think you should wait for someone who loves you the way you are and I'm sure there's someone out there who will! If that friendship is affecting you in a negative way you should tell him and consider to break the friendship. Some people cope better with such situations when they take distance while others don't. Though I hope you can get over it and cherish the friendship you have, try to find new, perhaps better ways to cope with it.