Nonexistent sex drive and I'm ok with that

[kokomoloko79]

Not really looking for advice or anything just wondered if anyone else puts sex on the very bottom of their priority lists? With work, a kid, friends, shopping, cooking, super mario, music, and books I find I just don't really care about sex. I have a FWB so thats not an issue and when we get together its always fulfilling it just that I barely need sex. Anyone else like this? And if so, what are your priorities that occupy so much of your time?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I think of sex as the icing on the cake, the cake being the relationship.

While cake is sweet in and of itself and often good enough, a bit of icing can make a plain old cake into something delicious and decadent.

I won't say I can take it or leave it... For me sex inside a relationship is pretty darn important. Not because of the momentary pleasure, but because its a total giving of ones self to that very important person in one's life. I also view sex as being a form of intimacy not something that one has with just anyone.

This isn't to say I think about sex all the time often it isn't 100% a necessity in my daily life. The last relationship I was in I thought we were both monogamous, and due to his status (HIV+) I accepted the last decade + without sex as part of the complexities of that relationship.

Its that cake and icing thing... I thought I had a really good cake... Yeah sure, icing would have been nice but it wasn't a must have.

My priorities with a partner are slightly different. If my partner wants sex I can turn of the computer/tv/radio whatever like that and happily oblige. I do understand that kids, job, daily life can get in the way... to a point. And I do hope that my partner will get off of WOW when I get in the mood....

[ZackT]

Super Mario?

I hear you. It's understandable to be so busy that you don't have much time to even think about sex, or want it.

[Kiid]

I barely need sex too.

[Woollyhats]

Sex is less important to me than the actual person I'd be dating.

Yes, I have a sex drive, I watch porn on occasion , I fantasize, and all of that. But when I think of the perfect man, sex isn't the only thing I think about, hell, it's not even the main things I think about. I think about making a life with someone, what we're going to do together (where would we go on vacation to? Will be share hobbies or do things separately? Will we talk often, or have what I call "comfortable silences"? What will we talk about? What will his little quirks be? What are the inside jokes we'll have, what will make him laugh? Etc. Etc.), and that means more than the sex.

However, I'd be lying if I said the desire for sex wasn't there, but I do understand a little bit as to why it might not be super important.


And writing this out has me imagining everything I just described. Oh look at what you did!

[MisterLove]

Not really looking for advice or anything just wondered if anyone else puts sex on the very bottom of their priority lists? [...]

Same here.

I don't like sex anymore and I'm fine with that. I don't like porn, I HATE sex scenes in movies and cruising has lost all its 'mystery' to me. I can't really say why: maybe it's age (I'm 36) or just a stressful job.

[Pix]

Once my curiosity was satisfied I pretty much became demisexual. I think sex is mostly in the mind and in my case when I'm not in a position to likely to have sex my mental energy goes elsewhere (as I'm not one of those women who define my happiness by having a partner, I have several other interests and as long as I have friends then I'm not lonely), but once I'm in a position that sex becomes probable then I start thinking about it and regaining an interest in it. It's ironic that I masturbate a lot more when I have a sexual partner than when I don't.

Though for whatever reason I seem to be a lot less hung up (or titillated) about sex than people who MUST have sex to be happy. Polyamory, swinging, orgies? As long as the behavior is ethical (for example, no dishonesty or coercion) then I feel whatever floats other people's boats are fine for them. Ditto for asexuality or celibacy.

[kokomoloko79]

So it sounds like many of us just get busy with life outside the bedroom.

Bowyn Aerrow I get what you mean when it comes to a relationship. Since i'm single its all about me lol.

ZackT heck yes Super Mario! Ds, Wii, you name it I love it.

Kumawool you sound like quite the romantic, whoever snags your interest will be lucky!

MisterLove I'm 34 and supposedly the 30's are supposed to be women's sexual peaks but whatevs, I'm tired and want to watch America's Test kitchen.

Pix I'd never heard of Demisexual, thanks for introducing me to a new term.


I swear I tried using the multiquote function and it came up blank i'm not usually this inept and interaction!

[Miles]

I've never been able to figure out the multi-quote feature and I've been here for three years.

I've had people ask me why I haven't gotten laid yet, or even why I haven't dated yet. My answer is always that those things are very very very low on my priority list at the moment. I'm not ready to share my partly-formed wretched self with another, and wanking is pleasing enough to my male assets that the effort needed to find a viable mating specimen is just not worth it.

[Varanus]

Interesting to read all of your opinions on a partially sexless life style.

I couldn't imagine my relationship without sex, we may have sex 2 or 3 times a week and both my partner and I believe that sex in any relationship is extremely important.
To us a relationship without sex is a non existent relationship all together its more of a friendship than anything else.