Should i be offended?

[MisterTinkles]

So im sitting in therapy today and everything is normal. then my thearapist says something i find offensive. she looks me in the eye and says "mr. anderton why do you think you are a homosexual?" i told her it was just how i was born. she looked at me and said dont you think you want men to love you because you feel your father didnt? i was mad and offended. she made it sound as if some bad experience had mutated me into something unnatural. am i over reacting or was that comment un called for?

Depending on her venue of therapy for you, and what you were there for....it could have been an appropriate question.

In fact, I think that would be considered a "Freudian" question.

You might have "read" too much into what she was asking. Or she could have phrased it wrong, for the kind of response she was wanting.

[Tim18]

I think I would have been offended by that question.

[Sylph]

I can see the logic in BA's first post, cause I feel like I suffer somewhat from it, only in regards to the type of man I would find a great mate. Strong, rough(not sexually pervs! Lol), a typical man's man, like how many would think a father should be, but then again I tend not to over idolize stereotypes, but it is something I notice within myself and the men I find attractive.

Not to say I want a Daddy, but someone who encompasses qualities I myself wish had and had gotten from my father who was absent.

And just because he was absent or that I have/had issues with it did not result in me being gay, cause my momma will tell you, I came out with glitter on my eyelashes, ready to snatch some wigs from these lesser hoes! But like BA said, it did somewhat mold views in my head of what I would like or look for in my mate.

And though Therapists shouldn't be asking questions with an implied and however outdated theoratical answer, to take offense is to make a corrolation to something you either wish to forget or not associate with, similar to "straight men" with internalized self-homophobia, which is usually projected as bullying to try and either cover their sexuality up or to over-compensate for their "lack of masculinity" by hyper masculinizing.

A lot of black boys in particular, who grow up without a father tend to hyper-masculinize and form gangs in order to fill that void the father would've normally filled, because boys/men in a gang exagerrate their roles as men(fighting, "gettin hoes",hustling,etc) with one of main premises being; you get in trouble, we got your back, and you do the same for me, which is what boys want from their fathers, that male comraderie. Which is no excuse for the disgusting acts they perform in their attempts at healing themselves, but if a therapist were to ask one of those boys did he think he was in a gang because his father abandoned him, he wouldn't find it offensive? He would because he either doesn't want to remember his father or be associates with him, because he knows that's a big part of it and it hurts.

And while it doesn't mean boy+absent father = gang banger or even gay for that matter, but does equate to underlying choices that make up who you are and how you live your life, even though we know same sex attraction is not a choice, but how you live as a gay man or woman is. Who knows, had my father stuck around, QueenOdi might not be who he is today.

Because like math, we are the sum of whatever equation that is our life. And with equations, there are many variables that produce multiple outcomes.

To end, I'm not saying she was in the right or that you shouldn't be offended, because it's up to you, but just saying not every sensitive question asked is asked with malice or intent to inflict emotional injury. I'd never justify plain Apathy :-( .

[hank]

I had a similar experience with a therapist. He told me that gay people essentially don't exist and it was strictly distance from my father that made me think I was gay. That really soured me on the whole thing. My father and I are close. Always have been. He insisted we weren't.

Find a new therapist.

[Grey]

Sorry it took me so long to get back to this post. *sigh* SOOO many things have been going on, and life is no piece of cake at the moment. I've been seeing the same therapist for 6 years (this therapy is mandatory not voluntary) I understand where she was coming from, but the way she said it just hit me hard. Like she was saying something was wrong with me.

[SolemnBoy]

I'd imagine something like that coming out of a psychology newbie who just read his first book by Freud and therefore connects everything to childhood events and sex. Not from a professional.

I mean, obviously, my irritation is just the verbal manifestation of my oppressed desires to have sex with my dad who always neglected my achievements and who always wanted a daughter.