I don't know if I need advice or a place to rant. I'm in a relationship of 10 years. He's in his 40s, 15 years older than me. I love him more than anything, but there are so many issues that I feel like I want to leave him.
We moved to another town for his work that he absolutely loves. I'm so happy he enjoys his job, but I hate it here though. It's a small southern town and there aren't many opportunities for making like minded friends.
Sex with him has become boring, even at once per week. He doesn't have any sense of adventure/experimentation. He's in, out and done in 10 minutes...always the same routine. It seems to blow his mind when I want to do something different/kinky. I feel like cheating.
Also, he has decided to have long hair and I hate it. We all have our likes/dislikes. I told him when we met that I hated long hair. I keep telling myself it's his hair and he's entitled to fix it how he wants, but I still don't like it.
What do you think?
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Sometimes after you've been with someone so long it gets hard not to get bored. My last relationship lasted nine years, and I found it amazing that as time went on I found more and more flaws with him than I had in the beginning. Sex also tends to become boring once you get in a rut, especially after having been with the same person for so long. Also, my ex was ten years older than me, and that caused us to have a lot of different likes and style choices. Anyway sorry I really have no advice but to try and talk to him, and that I know what you're going through and having those thoughts don't make you a bad person.
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are you sure the same thing will not happen with your new partner?
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06-11-2013, 11:23 PM
(Edited 06-12-2013, 10:40 AM by Genersis.)
All I can say is talk to your boyfriend more about trying new things.
Don't give up on making friends.
Don't cheat.
And try to learn to tolerate the hair thing...
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I would suggest couples counseling - I bet there is really a lot of other minor things that are there, but you can't see them because you are in the middle of it.
A therapist will sit you both down and listen to both sides and makes suggestions. I think with the sex the therapist will suggest trying new things and since this is an 'expert' talking your husband may actually seriously consider doing more things.
Routine kills marriages... Same old stuff day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade.... It happens to all relationships.
You two are stuck in a rut, he is most likely so wrapped up in work and career and what not that he doesn't think there is any problem at home.
Besides, when you hit 40 somewhere somebody hits a button and time starts flying. This morning I heard my ex-mother-in-law needed to get her eyes dialated - I was like 'what? Didn't she just have that done a couple months ago?'
The reality is it has been a whole year... time flies, faster and faster the older one gets.
So from his perspective, you all had fun and games just a short while ago... he may not be aware that its been over a year or whatever since the last time you all had fun.
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Thanks so much for your advice and encouragment. It means a lot to me. Hopefully I can work through this with a level head. Sometimes it's difficult to make rational decisions while being so "frustrated" and feeling ignored and isolated. I tried to find a therapist, but the few I found were religious. I'm still looking though.
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If the two of you have been together that long, then he should really be open to a discussion. After a while, people can unknowingly take the other for granted and that may be what's happening here.
Definitely talk it out, seek some counseling if you can, and, most importantly, know that your concerns are are valid and deserve to be heard.
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What do you think?
