Sooooo, yesterday, I was supposed to have my second date with a really great guy, he was going to come over to my place and I was going to make him dinner. I spent like 3 hours getting the perfect food, and making sure my apartment was nice and clean, because I like him and I wanted everything to be just right. So I text him asking what time he thinks he'll make it over so I know when to start dinner, and he tells, I don't think I'm gonna make it because of my midterm today.
Being the nice guy I am I didn't get mad at him, I told hey I understand, if you still want to come over after I'll be here but if not I understand.
Then the demon comes out. So now I'm sitting at home, pissed off, and what do I do, I get drunk.
Then I was late for work this morning.
Turns out one of my peers was also late for a totally different reason, and because both of us were late, the Company couldn't conduct the foot march this morning.
So I feel like a total shitheel today. Today I am definitely that guy.
Richard
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Sorry to hear about that. That really sucks.
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Richard,
So you were really not ok with the BF doing his thing and decided to get drunk?
Do you do this a lot, use alcohol to 'solve' emotional problems or is this something you rarely do?
If its something you regularly do (drink to treat how you feel) you may want to seriously consider a program of recovery AND see a doctor for prescription emotional treatment until you find a therapist. There are a plethora of interesting drugs that treat feelings which are safer and less unstable to the rest of your life than alcohol.
If this is a one off thing, or only a rare occasion thing... What exactly does this say about your feeling about this guy in general?
I find it difficult to believe that just this one time 'I changed my mind' could trigger such a strong reaction (getting pissed then getting drunk). Is there more going on here between you and this guy which this latest episode is on top of _____________ (fill in the blank)?
Anything else bothering you? Stress at work? Money Matters? Was there a recent major change (divorce/break-up, death of a loved one, medical issues with you or someone you care about, etc.)? If so, this 'break' may actually be more to do with that other stress than him.
This is somewhat 'atypical' type of behavior for a second date which makes me wonder if something else deeper is going on here.
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Oh I'm definitely an alcoholic I have no illusions about that.
I've known that for a while, I've been through ASAP, which is the Army's substance abuse program, and it helped, normally I keep it under a fair degree of control, but not always.
It doesn't help that my current assignment as a Drill Sergeant is very high stress, the hours can be absolutely brutal, and the way my brain works is when I'm not at work I want to totally detach from work.
As for the guy, I really do like him a lot, and when I meet guys I really like I tend to fall hard and fast, so that's probably why I got pissed off when he couldn't make it. In my logical brain I know that's silly, but that's not where the demon lives, he's in the emotional brain, he doesn't listen to logic.
I also have a really fast trigger for my anger response, I always had a temper, but combat made it a LOT worse.
So I'm a mess, but at least I know I'm a mess.
Richard
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I have had my turn on the substance abuse merry-go-round, so I understand the whole concept of 'I need a drink' over 'I want a drink'. I know of which demon you speak of and where it resides.
So you had a sorta slip here and you are OK? Well as OK as you can be. Meaning you're not going down a dark road and need someone to grab you by the back of the pants and haul you back from that road?
My PM is always open if you want someone to rant at, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to make into a verbal punching bag - I am very forgiving, not terribly judgmental etc.
Do I need to reinforce your self esteem and remind you that you are really not a shithead, just a guy who had a minor set back?
Knowing your a mess is the biggest part of the battle. You know your 'character defects' and know what is going on, thus you are less likely to have severe problems this is only a minor one which I know feels huge, but really in the scope of what could have happened compared to what actually happened this is small.
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It is definitely only a small bump in the road. I just feel really bad about it because it affected training.
Richard
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I'm sure the privates are, today was going to be their 9 mile foot march, which we expected to break them off, it got rescheduled for Monday. Commander is pissed off and rightly so.
Richard
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