Venting about kids

[Grey]

Ok so I'm not a parent. I hope to be someday but I don't claim to know anything about parenting. I am however, an uncle to two beautiful little kids. In my opinion my sister had her kids too young, with a guy she barely knew who turned out to be an ass. It isn't that shes a bad mom, its just that she doesn't seem to know what shes doing. My niece is almost seven, and to be honest few people but my mom can stand her. She is spoiled to the core and honestly its my moms fault. She gives the kid anything she wants whenever she wants it, never makes her entertain herself and lets her cheat to win games.
My nephew is younger and used to be the sweetest kid ever, now he bites. And when I say bite I mean hard enough to make you bleed. He won't listen and tears up everything he can get his hands on. Now since I don't have kids I don't tell my sis how to raise hers, but to hear my mom talk about her grandkids you'd think they are saints. If they do something wrong its obviously someone else's fault.
Like a dedicated uncle I put my niece through 3 years of private school, and nearly broke the bank doing it. This year I don't have the money and you would think from the way my family is acting that I just don't care about the kid. But honestly she is falling behind because she wont study or try and the money was being wasted anyway. Plus I say let her deadbeat dad get a job and pay for it. Anyway, I havent' said anything to my fam about this. Just wanted to vent.

[James]

Came to the right place to vent, I spoiled my kids to a degree, however I also taught them life skills which no school in our area had a class in. Being able to cook, knowing why to clean, knowing enough math to be able to balance a budget, etc. I feel learning this helps to perceive why everything else is important in your studies, Jim

[Pix]

^^

That's me, too. I like doing nice things for those I love, but I know they have to learn to stand on their own feet or they'll be unprepared for the world (or even able to cope with it) when it's their time to stand as adults if I kept doing everything for them, so I do that, and when they want something nice I often ask them what they'd be willing to do to get it. 'Course sometimes I give in and do nice things for them "just because," but I make sure not to do it too often (that is to make sure that they don't come to expect it, even feel entitled to it).

They're not perfect, but they're both doing well, work hard to get what they want, and not at all spoiled.

[MisterTinkles]

One good spanking by the age of 3 and they learn to obey FAST.

It is RARE you find "good" parents. Most people nowdays that I have noticed, just pop out kids to get tax breaks...they couldnt care less about the life they brought into the world. Or they were brainwashed into believing they HAVE to HAVE kids in order to be considered married or adults.

Almost all people who have kids have monsters. Simply because they cannot be bothered to teach thier kids that there are consequences for their words and actions....which they dont learn until they get into high school or college. By then they are horrible, spoiled rotten, bastards.

I had a friend who has two kids and I stayed with them for a while when the kids were younger. That Christmas the little boy didnt get what he wanted from grandma, so he THREW it into the Christmas tree and started stomping and screaming at the top of his lungs to his grandman "I WISH YOU WERE DEAD, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD"!!

If *I* had EVER done anything like that when I was that age, I LITERALLY would not have been able to sit down for a week!!!! And I certainly NEVER EVER have wished my granny dead!!!!

And they just sat there, watching this. I talked to my friend about a week later about this, and she said she didnt believe in spanking. I replied, "but you believe in letting a little kid wish his grandma dead because he didnt get the toy he wanted"??? She didnt have a reply for that.

Just a few spankings before the age of 5 for bad kids, usually results in kids who will behave later on.
Of course you have to explain to them WHY they got a spanking, otherwise they wont "get it".

No, this doesnt work on all kids, but the majority it does. I do not condone beatings by any means....thats sick and wrong. Unless the kid did something heinous like murder or torturing animals, then I say "do unto them as they have done unto others".

The point being, repercussions, responsibility, respect, and consequences are no longer taught.
So these kids grow up being monstrosities of human nature.

[Miles]

My brother was spanked once when he was three or so. He learned his goddamn lesson.

I was never spanked. My parents just put the fear of god into me and I learned my goddamn lesson. I was terrified of the possibility their wrath, and even more so of their disappointment. Eventually this translated into wanting to do well for my own sake, so now that I'm out of the house in a new apartment I take care of my living space, do well in school without my folks looking over my shoulder, think for myself, and try not to be an obnoxious asshole to people until they earn me being an asshole to them. My parents are wonderful human beings and I don't know how they put up with children as well as they did. It boggles the mind. My parents most certainly did not give me anything I wanted, but they certainly 'spoiled' me in some ways. My brother and I never lacked for food or comfort or video games or love. Really the most important part was the intense love our parents gave us. It gave the times of discipline much more weight, so we kept our shit straight (for the most part. We've done more drugs between us than we'd ever like to tell our parents, at least for a while. I do intend to tell my dad one day, but I digress).

Bottom line is you gotta show your kids you love them deeply, but an important part of that is being able to put your foot down and tell them to shut the fuck up for their own good. Maybe not in so many words.

Your family is insane to rag on you for not taking care of your sister's kid when your brother in law isn't doing shit and you've put her through three years of private school. You've done more than my uncle ever did for his own kids.

[SolemnBoy]

This reminds me of my little brother. My parents have done a good job raising me and my siblings, but in my case they actually made sure not to give me everything I wanted and to teach me the value of patience, work, saving etc.

When my youngest brother was born though, mom and dad had both grown considerably older and did everything to please him for the sake of not having him scream and resist... the result is a spoiled little brat. I'm still kind of hoping he'll change somehow but I think it's way too late at this point.

[SolemnBoy]

One good spanking by the age of 3 and they learn to obey FAST.

It is RARE you find "good" parents. Most people nowdays that I have noticed, just pop out kids to get tax breaks...they couldnt care less about the life they brought into the world. Or they were brainwashed into believing they HAVE to HAVE kids in order to be considered married or adults.

Almost all people who have kids have monsters. Simply because they cannot be bothered to teach thier kids that there are consequences for their words and actions....which they dont learn until they get into high school or college. By then they are horrible, spoiled rotten, bastards.

I had a friend who has two kids and I stayed with them for a while when the kids were younger. That Christmas the little boy didnt get what he wanted from grandma, so he THREW it into the Christmas tree and started stomping and screaming at the top of his lungs to his grandman "I WISH YOU WERE DEAD, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD"!!

If *I* had EVER done anything like that when I was that age, I LITERALLY would not have been able to sit down for a week!!!! And I certainly NEVER EVER have wished my granny dead!!!!

And they just sat there, watching this. I talked to my friend about a week later about this, and she said she didnt believe in spanking. I replied, "but you believe in letting a little kid wish his grandma dead because he didnt get the toy he wanted"??? She didnt have a reply for that.

Just a few spankings before the age of 5 for bad kids, usually results in kids who will behave later on.
Of course you have to explain to them WHY they got a spanking, otherwise they wont "get it".

No, this doesnt work on all kids, but the majority it does. I do not condone beatings by any means....thats sick and wrong. Unless the kid did something heinous like murder or torturing animals, then I say "do unto them as they have done unto others".

The point being, repercussions, responsibility, respect, and consequences are no longer taught.
So these kids grow up being monstrosities of human nature.

Spanking is not some vital tool when it comes to raising a child. There are other ways to discipline your children that don't involve violence.

[partisan]

My brother was spanked once when he was three or so. He learned his goddamn lesson.

I was never spanked. My parents just put the fear of god into me and I learned my goddamn lesson. I was terrified of the possibility their wrath, and even more so of their disappointment. Eventually this translated into wanting to do well for my own sake, so now that I'm out of the house in a new apartment I take care of my living space, do well in school without my folks looking over my shoulder, think for myself, and try not to be an obnoxious asshole to people until they earn me being an asshole to them. My parents are wonderful human beings and I don't know how they put up with children as well as they did. It boggles the mind. My parents most certainly did not give me anything I wanted, but they certainly 'spoiled' me in some ways. My brother and I never lacked for food or comfort or video games or love. Really the most important part was the intense love our parents gave us. It gave the times of discipline much more weight, so we kept our shit straight (for the most part. We've done more drugs between us than we'd ever like to tell our parents, at least for a while. I do intend to tell my dad one day, but I digress).

Bottom line is you gotta show your kids you love them deeply, but an important part of that is being able to put your foot down and tell them to shut the fuck up for their own good. Maybe not in so many words.

Your family is insane to rag on you for not taking care of your sister's kid when your brother in law isn't doing shit and you've put her through three years of private school. You've done more than my uncle ever did for his own kids.

This made me cry for some reason, its the bit about your parents intense love that added weight to the discipline. My stepdad thought he could give the discipline and no love, I think I'm OK for someone who as a child thought about killing a parent, to be honest I hate his guts, but he brought my little sister up much better, the constant threat of violence wasn't there. So I respect him as my little sisters father, though Im kinda an outsider, oh and what miles says, yes your family are insane to say that, your trying to do the best for them.

[Lilitu]

I hate seeing people who 'love' their children so much they give them everything. It just breaks my heart.

When I was in christchurch, my father who is the type to use a soft hand and forgive too fast, would not let his grandson, and my nephew be punished.

And believe me, he needed to be punished, he had a lesson to learn.

The selfishness that we learn as an infant through crying->attention needs to be straight away cleansed as a toddler and young child otherwise it lingers and festers.

Physical reinforcement is in my book as fine as the spring sun. There is nothing wrong with smacking children, because children learn through sense, not thought. In combination with verbal lessons, it is a powerful and useful tool.

responsibility and self-reliance shouldn't be taught just at the entering adulthood age, it should be be taught all throughout.

If I ever have children (which I probably won't) I would let them know that they are not the centre of attention, and that they are not important, but they are unique. My children will obey because I give them reasons. Above all, I won't have stupid children in my house, they will have the ability to think which so many children lack.

Individualism is a much too often misjudged, misunderstood and under-taught thing.

I think the worst thing a parent can instil in their child is that he/she is the best, which they clearly are not.

I will not treat them as adults, because they aren't.

I think I'd be a really Asian parent if I were to be one.

[Miles]

This made me cry for some reason, its the bit about your parents intense love that added weight to the discipline. My stepdad thought he could give the discipline and no love, I think I'm OK for someone who as a child thought about killing a parent, to be honest I hate his guts, but he brought my little sister up much better, the constant threat of violence wasn't there. So I respect him as my little sisters father, though Im kinda an outsider, oh and what miles says, yes your family are insane to say that, your trying to do the best for them.

I'm sorry to hear that. My parents, though not perfect, were and still are awesome and it pains me very much to hear about people who didn't luck the fuck out like I did. I'm glad your sister has it better but it just makes me think "why couldn't you get it right the first time around?????"

Hugs for partisan