Missing me?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have been spending every hour over at my landlords. Its been an interesting experience, a huge learning curve for me with diabetes and a few other things.

He is low maintenance, eats 4 times a day, needs assistance to get about the house. Has a doable, easy pill schedule (only takes pills twice a day, not like every two hours taking a new drug)

He is kind of posh too, insists I wear a uniform. Something like this:



It kinda chaffs in odd areas - but is pretty cool (temperature wise) which is good with these 100+F days we have been having.

:biggrin:

No seriously, i will most likely be spending very little time at home, which means very little time on computer for the next 4-5 days. I've been "sleeping" over there, which actually means me waking up 3-4 times a night to check on him....

Once we get him off the walker and upright again, I will be back on line more and back here.

cheers

[Miles]

You're a class act, fella. I expect you to greet me in uniform when my flight to Cali arrives.

[partisan]

Yes get your elvyn ass back here soon, we miss ya fella.

[ardus]

You're a very kind man my friend, I'll be sure to call you if I need someone to care for me.

Richard

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yes - well this has been a difficult week... The old man is refusing to exercise, refusing to do any activity that may get him off the walker.

Me thinks he has opted to sit in his chair and die.... And I have no idea how to motivate him.

Now dealing with people who are dying is a cup of tea, I watched many people slowly shuffle off this mortal coil...

Wait... easy - no.... I stopped doing that a long time ago because I can't stand to watch slow debility and suffering. Oh well, I guess God has other plans for me.

God can be a bastard more often than I care to admit.

[Miles]

There's this meaningless sequence of letters. It starts with a G, continues with an O, and ends with a D. That sequence of letters, or whatever is supposed to be signified by it, can suck my dick.

If a man wants to die, let him.

[KawaiiKitty]

I do miss you

But my aim is getting better every day!

[Rainbowmum]

He is kind of posh too, insists I wear a uniform. Something like this:



It kinda chaffs in odd areas - but is pretty cool (temperature wise) which is good with these 100+F days we have been having.

Well of course it chaffs ,after all you are not Zena warrior princess.


Enjoy the weather while you can.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

(sigh).

I did the hospice thing years ago, I watched too many people slowly die. I swore up and down once I got out of that 'Never again!'

Yet here I am, doing it again.

You all know that in December of 2012 I was looking forward to being elsewhere (Arkansas) and I'm still a bit miffed over how THAT turned out. Miffed, horrified, terrified, sad, enraged, deflated, timid and lots of other interesting emotions are still playing because of that individual who fucked with my emotions to no end apparently for shits and giggles.

On the one hand I was thankful that that Blue situation didn't turn out because I'm here to watch over the landlord and tend to him ... Yet on the other I am pissed that I am still here and having to sit through watching yet one more person slowly die.

I guess I should be thankful that I still can't sleep a full night through - now at least I can wake up and go check on Bob to make certain he is ok the 4-5 times I wake up from bad dreams, or screaming or whatever.

Fuck you Blue - I know you come here and read - Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Thanks for nothing.

My roommate is a selfish bastard. Yesterday I discovered he had put an ad on Craiglist in search of more sex partners and he had taken a very revealing picture of himself using the bathroom mirror at Bob's (my landlord's) house. Very upsetting because the bathroom is very, very distinctive, built in 1938 using handmade, Mexican tiles which are very distinctive.

I told him point blank he is disrespecting Bob. He is pulling this crap when he knows that the situation with Bob is not good... What the hell is is mental problem? Why on earth would he do such?

And he is still lying to me. He told me yesterday he was going to meet his mom for lunch. I called her to ask if she wanted to come over for BBQ because I forgot to ask Dan to ask her and I asked 'how is/was your lunch with Dan?' and she was surprised to learn that she was going to lunch with him. A little conversation and I discovered its been two weeks since the last time she saw him or spoke to him - while he told me three times he was going over to check on his Mom during this heat wave.

Supposedly he is 'walking the dog' at 3 AM - no, his Craiglist ad makes it pretty damn clear that he is Disease and Drug free and will just be walking himself without his dog.

Disease Free - He has HIV and my first worry is that he will get himself arrested for attempted murder by lying to people in this way... OMG? Is he having unprotected sex with all of these guys telling them he is negative?

Why in the fuck do I care?

I got to the point where I begged him to please stop lying - just tell the truth - I can't handle being lied to on top of everything else. We are no longer in a relationship - there is no need for him to lie to me - I don't care.

I have had this 'lumped' on me - Bob's Daughter and her vulture, erm I mean husband only call to find out if he is dead and have done NOTHING to help. Its not like either of them work - they both are very well off and can jump on a plane to at least come and visit - but Nooooo..... they want me to be the caregiver - and obviously for nothing in return.

I know how this is going to end. Bob is going to die, on my watch - I will discover him dead in bed one morning and have to deal with that. Or worse, he will have a massive heart attack in his chair and I will have to stand by and watch him shuffle off this mortal coil in agony and fear..... and then the vultures are going to kick me out and I have no place to go. It will be instantaneous or close enough.

I don't even have two dimes to rub together.... Move? To where? Well there is a nice bridge over the river two miles upstream....

I have executed my duties faithfully for over 16 years here. I have given up so much. In reality I haven't had a 'vacation' away from this property in over 8 years - and then that was a family emergency where I drove halfway across the North American continent in two days to attend a funeral.

Each time I have scheduled a weekend to myself or a week, Bob has had something 'come up' and I just had to stay.

I was supposed to go to Gay Pride the 30th - and don't cha know, Bob just has to be watched? Not that I wanted to go to Gay pride - but for some reason (irony?) Every time I schedule anything in the way of fun I get stuck with some problem that keeps me from having that time to have fun.

I'm so tired already.

I'm frustrated and no one else is taking any time to really help me with this situation - or for that matter to do anything else around here. I still have to mow, water, blow, clean the pool and do all of my other chores while keeping a 24/7 watch on Bob.

And I have to find time to clean my own house, feed my dogs, make certain they have water while my roommate sits on the computer all night long making Craigslist ads and using some sort of messenger system to set up his next fuck session with yet one more person.

He can't even wake himself up to go get his blood draw in the morning - I'm still his fucking alarm clock, his cook, his maid, his everything.....

He is a selfish prick, a bastard, a whore....

One week in and I'm already tired - no exhausted. But then its actually been more than a week since for at least the past year I have walked around the house 5+ times a day peeking in windows to make certain Bob isn't on the floor since his first fall in early 2012. So I have actually be worrying about his health and watching out for him for we bit longer.


I need a drink - no I need to slam some speed and go to an all night rave and escape this reality...

Yeah I need a drink - I know that is a bad sign...

[Miles]

I'm so sorry David.

I pray Bob will listen to you or go peacefully.

I pray you have a place t go.

I pray the vultures feed on each other.

I pray your roommate will get the fuck out.

I pray someone shows you some fucking mercy for once.

P.S. Blue, there are very few people I truly hate and you are one of them. I'll be happy to learn of you dying a painful death alone and unloved, and will wish I had a chance to piss on your corpse, set it on fire, and throw it over a bridge. That is all.