So sick of these "discussions"...

[Anonymous]

"How fucking old are we!?!", that's what I am thinking when we are doing all this fighting.
You keep mocking me, making faces and repeating what I have said in a high shrill voice.
Your face purple, with the white spit building up on the sides of your lips.

"I love you so much, I want us to both be happy!", I keep saying over and over again.
I've been watching you all day, hyper and agitated...restless....and angry.
It wil happen tonight. Will I be on the street tonight...who ever knows.

I try so hard to head it off. To say nice things. Soften the blow.
It doesnt matter in the long run, it never does, you are expert a starting a fight.
No one likes a WhINer, and you are Such a better person than I am...you just Have to show it.

You and your self control. You'll Never hit...me just push me with your Breath so close....
To my Face? Get Back! Please! I'm Begging You! Just Leave Me Alone! I Love You Please Stop!
Then you detach your....humanity. Like ice, except ice is emotionless and You are All Emote.

You aren't Complete with out The battle. A warrior outside his time. Raping and Pillaging.
If only there were a fucking Trophy. Well..., a trophy besides me. That's all I'm good for.
That and cooking for you. Cleaning up after you. Listening to you brag. I have purpose.

It's all my fault, in my head. You aremNever wrong. Never Wrong! I'm a Fucking Idiot!
I make things up. It's all imaginary. He is never unkind or mean, it is all how I'm never happy.
Never Happy. So. I. Twist. It.

Twist it....
I twist Everything. For No Reason At All.....except 'cause me wanting to start a Fight.

I benefit So Much from All These Fights. That's why I Start them.
And we Frown on Inapproiate Behavior, so I Get What I Deserve Making You Mad.
Rules are rules. Ignorance of the Law is no Excuse. Ever.

No Person Knows what we Each go through. No Person Can Judge, except for....
People who Judge. If you are telling me what I should do...smugly certain that you are right...
I am Wrong. You remind me So Much of HIM.

[artyboy]

Stop watching Soaps lol!

[throbbinblue]

My relationship with M (I choose to call him M.) is fantastic when we are sober or just on the edge sober. If he gets prissy drunk peace is gone which happens at least 5 days out of 7. Most of the time I can thwart the anger sometimes I cannot and I become the object of his anger. The trouble is I truly love this guy it is a fantastic relationship. It is just when he drinks too much I am the object of his scorn.
We can travel to Dallas about 200 miles away, talk all the way, stop pick up Heineken or other alcoholic beverages. We can drink the whole weekend, sleep together, wake up together, talk together. We can leave Dallas talk all the way home and still spend the night together talk all the time.
But he will get prissy drunk and state we are not lovers we are not boyfriends.
Just the another night he had left my apt at 1030 pm but texts me at 1200 pm to see if I was still up because he was horny. Of course I let him come up and though we had sex for the most part he was ragging on me because I was not meeting up to his standards. I am 64 he is 38. He likes to think of himself as 23 or younger. He is Ute indian he has a major income, I do not have the income. I am absolutely no body but the trouble is I love him and I know though he denies my love for him I know in my heart of hearts he truly loves me.

[Counselor]

OP- Unhappy? Why are you wasting your life on this when it makes you unhappy? If all the effort to keep it together belongs to you, it's a waste on the relationship.

[MisterTinkles]

It is better to be unhappy and alone, than unhappy and unwanted in a relationship.