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Is that a "easy" way of coming out?
#1
I haven't came out to my family yet I still haven't found the courage to do so. I've been thinking a lot of how to. Is it a "easy" way to come out if your dating someone who has already came out to people and to have the person your dating to be with you when your coming out? For people who done this was this a "easy" way of doing that? I say easy because from watching shows of gay people coming out to their family they make it seem easy having the one their dating to be with them and I know its a show that its not real but I wonder about it.
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#2
It depends on whether you feel like you need the support of having your partner/date there. I personally wouldn't want anyone else than me and my parents around when coming up but it's an individual thing Smile
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#3
I think it might be helpful in the sense that they can be there to support you, and seeing them might make some people sort of... expect it, if you know what I mean? But, at the end of the day the focus will still mostly be on you - no matter how you come out, that's to be expected.

The "easiest" way, in my opinion, would be to do it gradually, one-on-one with the people you most care about, and then let those you don't just work it out themselves. Or you could just start dating someone, and then answer "yes" if people ask. You don't have any responsibility to come out to anyone, unless it's what you want yourself. Smile
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#4
I think it would be an easier way of coming out. At 19 you need to think of your own welfare. If you are still living with your parents then it might help if you have a close friend, family member, your boyfriend, somebody who would let you live with them or stay over for a while in case they kick you out, either forever for an unshakable passion or in a short fused rage. I would suggest letting them know you seek monogamy and are trying to find love, they have to know you are seeking love and not just sex.
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#5
I came out to my parents over the telephone, and my partner was standing right next to me. Of course there was a good reason to use the telephone as my father was several states away my mother at least one.

Um no, neither phone call actually ended well. Mother screamed 'Don't you ever call me back again you son of a bitch' (Yeah yeah, I asked her once if I'm a son of a bitch what does that make her?) My father literally changed the subject to weather and the effects it had had on his crops. Mother eventually 'took me back' - well there is a lot of other stuff there so taking me back isn't what really happened, not acceptance either. Father ended up disowning me, he hasn't talked to me in well over a decade.

As for coming out to people who I knew and lived in the same town (Las Vegas) - my partner was with me at each and every telling. For one person it came to blows between that person and my partner of the time with words such as 'rapist' being thrown out as the person firmly believed that my partner was 'forcing' me to be gay Rolleyes

While a couple just up and cut off ties and called me 'sicko/pervert/faggot and other definitive words to make it clear what they thought, I think the most painful ones were the ones who smiled and said 'oh, that's nice - no problem' then ended up shunning me slowly and backing away and lying through their teeth that they didn't have a problem with homosexuality.

Of course that was in the last century, the Dark Ages where people believed gays were made, or homosexuality was a choice - the whole idea that a gay man is born that way and hides his sexuality out of fear of being stomped into a mud puddle didn't catch on until the early 21st century.

I was fortunately to have a partner who was out and who had been down this road - he was a great support and a shoulder to cry on as I screwed up the courage to come out and to suffer the fall out of coming out.

There really isn't an 'easy' way to come out - no matter what happens, no matter how you are accepted (or not) by everyone, it is a traumatic, trying experience for the person. The fear of rejection is a real fear and can take its toll.

And if you are rejected, its really not you - its that individual unable to accept that humans come in all sorts of packages and that you are still the wonderful person you were before they knew.

You will be ok. Yes do take your partner along if you believe whomever you are telling will not view your partner and you 'ganging up' on them to deliver 'bad news'.
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#6
Chase Wrote:I think it would be an easier way of coming out. At 19 you need to think of your own welfare. If you are still living with your parents then it might help if you have a close friend, family member, your boyfriend, somebody who would let you live with them or stay over for a while in case they kick you out, either forever for an unshakable passion or in a short fused rage. I would suggest letting them know you seek monogamy and are trying to find love, they have to know you are seeking love and not just sex.
I live with my grandparents and my grandpa owns the house. I'm scared to see what his reaction would be and what he would say. I know he won't kick me out because I'm the main care taker for my grandma the only reason why he wants me to stay here but if he did my aunt has a empty room for to stay in. Having a place to stay isn't a issue for me.
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#7
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:I came out to my parents over the telephone, and my partner was standing right next to me. Of course there was a good reason to use the telephone as my father was several states away my mother at least one.

Um no, neither phone call actually ended well. Mother screamed 'Don't you ever call me back again you son of a bitch' (Yeah yeah, I asked her once if I'm a son of a bitch what does that make her?) My father literally changed the subject to weather and the effects it had had on his crops. Mother eventually 'took me back' - well there is a lot of other stuff there so taking me back isn't what really happened, not acceptance either. Father ended up disowning me, he hasn't talked to me in well over a decade.

As for coming out to people who I knew and lived in the same town (Las Vegas) - my partner was with me at each and every telling. For one person it came to blows between that person and my partner of the time with words such as 'rapist' being thrown out as the person firmly believed that my partner was 'forcing' me to be gay Rolleyes

While a couple just up and cut off ties and called me 'sicko/pervert/faggot and other definitive words to make it clear what they thought, I think the most painful ones were the ones who smiled and said 'oh, that's nice - no problem' then ended up shunning me slowly and backing away and lying through their teeth that they didn't have a problem with homosexuality.

Of course that was in the last century, the Dark Ages where people believed gays were made, or homosexuality was a choice - the whole idea that a gay man is born that way and hides his sexuality out of fear of being stomped into a mud puddle didn't catch on until the early 21st century.

I was fortunately to have a partner who was out and who had been down this road - he was a great support and a shoulder to cry on as I screwed up the courage to come out and to suffer the fall out of coming out.

There really isn't an 'easy' way to come out - no matter what happens, no matter how you are accepted (or not) by everyone, it is a traumatic, trying experience for the person. The fear of rejection is a real fear and can take its toll.

And if you are rejected, its really not you - its that individual unable to accept that humans come in all sorts of packages and that you are still the wonderful person you were before they knew.

You will be ok. Yes do take your partner along if you believe whomever you are telling will not view your partner and you 'ganging up' on them to deliver 'bad news'.
You have been through a lot I can't imagine what I would do in your situation but that's good that your partner was with you through all of that being by your side for support. Your experience gives me hope that I'll be okay once I come out to people because through all those bad times you still kept your head up and now helping others out (: If only I had some courage like what you have.

I don't have a girlfriend or anyone that would be with me for when I come out to my family. I think having one would helpful for me mainly because I would have some support like what you had with your partner. It would make me some at ease to know someone would be with me. Its stressful to know that if I do go through bad experiences coming out no one would be there to comfort me its that main reason why I haven't came out.
Thank you for the rejection advice it was really helpful to me.
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#8
If you're talking about 'easy way',the one method I found very convenient for both sides is to have people to console over after the out of the closet. I mean,you have some one to console your family,while having another one to console you,in case it doesn't turn out well. If it doesn't contradict your principal,do it over the phone/internet,so that the other side could take time to process.

Of course this is purely my personal opinion based on some post I found in this forum. Do what suit you the best,and best of luck to you. Baer
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#9
I don't want to scare you but when i came out (not that long ago march 2011) I felt like I had just jumped out of a plane with no parachute, and i was relying on the people I told to catch me. I was emotional, though I didn't cry during my coming out, not that it is a bad thing but I forced myself to be straight faced upon outing myself. I cried for a couple of days afterward but that was really because my efforts of being straight were for nothing. I had to give up that dream. But now I have a new one and it gets easier.
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#10
hank Wrote:I don't want to scare you but when i came out (not that long ago march 2011) I felt like I had just jumped out of a plane with no parachute, and i was relying on the people I told to catch me. I was emotional, though I didn't cry during my coming out, not that it is a bad thing but I forced myself to be straight faced upon outing myself. I cried for a couple of days afterward but that was really because my efforts of being straight were for nothing. I had to give up that dream. But now I have a new one and it gets easier.
Don't worry your message didn't scare me but that is a scary way of putting it when you came out to people. I think I would cry coming out just because I'm that emotional to do that. I haven't pretended to be straight I never felt comfortable with the idea of doing that. I think my cousin has a idea that I'm a lesbian because he tries to hook me up with his friends and I always tell him no. Then he put me on the spot saying what are you gay? I didn't feel comfortable answering that in front of his friends.
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