hello

[MaxRa]

What would have been what you needed to hear when you were a boy? What would you have wanted your parents to say to you?

I wanted them not to push me apart. I wanted them only to be kind to me. Now we're in good relationship and I love them, but when I came out, it was the worst time of my life(
I wanted them also to be kind to my bf. They hated him and they thought that he made me bisexual, but it was me who insisted on our relationship. Now they're kind to him, but they think that we're not a couple anymore. Well, at least, we have never talked of that.

[Rainbowmum]

Wrap your arms around him and tell him that you love him unconditionally .
It's hard for kids they see so much bullying and negativity not to mention peer pressure .

Be there for him .

[hobart]

I wanted them not to push me apart. I wanted them only to be kind to me. Now we're in good relationship and I love them, but when I came out, it was the worst time of my life(
I wanted them also to be kind to my bf. They hated him and they thought that he made me bisexual, but it was me who insisted on our relationship. Now they're kind to him, but they think that we're not a couple anymore. Well, at least, we have never talked of that.

From the couple of talks I have had with him, that always move to tears, he needs my support and love now more than I think he ever did. My God I can't imagine that little boy facing this alone. I can't believe he has for the time that he did before he told me. Its hard for me right now, because I want him to do the right thing by this girl he has been dating but i don't want to push it, i frankly feel that the situation right now is to delicate. I don't want her to out him, but she may have been his confidant also in which case I am grateful to her. Plus keeping this from my wife is putting me in a bind, I just think about him and the struggle he has had lately it would be good for himto have another ally. But it is his secret and I don't want to break his trust. I am Brian my wife will support him but I am worried she may say the things that I don't want to say to him, like how do you know and so forth. Now I am equipped thanks to gay speak on the proper defense to those questions.

I Couldn't, I just couldn't push him away, he is so upset and embarrassed right now. I am glad he told me, i told him that and the little guy just burst into tears again. I guess its that I am not reassuring him that it is okay and he is going to be okay.

I feel guilty also, i hate to admit thus but when he told me i was angry, i did my best to hide it and show him love, but I don't even know why I was angry just that i was. perhaps at the situation. I don't know. But i can't be sure if he picked up on that. Right after he told me he broke down. I simply put my arm around him. What else could i do? Rubbed his back and Sid that its okay.

Gosh i hate to think that he picked up on that anger that i felt. I wonder if that is why he keeps crying. I figured he wouldn't be very upset. Us it alright got me to ask him why he is crying? Could it be anothoer reason?

[hobart]

Wrap your arms around him and tell him that you love him unconditionally .
It's hard for kids they see so much bullying and negativity not to mention peer pressure .

Be there for him .

The door is open to talk, but do i need to do more than sit here and wait? I figure he needs to get comfortable in his own skin before he can tell anybody, but i wonder did someone find out and out him us that why he told me?

Just walking by putting my hands on his back like i have done for his entire life and saying i love you makes him cry. I found him in bed this morning, crying at six am, he is never awake at 6 am during the summer. He is suffering but i don't know how to help. I simply stood there with my hand on his shoulder for a couple of minuets told him i love him, he feel asleep.

Its this normal for people to feel this way when they come out? Or do i need to pry a little bit?

[ardus]

Self discovery is a painful, difficult process. I had the advantage, or maybe it's a disadvantage, of my self discovery didn't happen until later in life, so I was emotionally mature. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to go through it at his age.

As others have said, continue to support him, I can promise that just knowing that you accept him for who he is and love him the same way that you loved him before he told you is doing wonders for him.

I can't really give you any insight about being the parent but PFLAG is a great organization and their whole mission in life is to help families of LGBT people. I actually donate money to them every year that's how important I think their work is.

I hope that you and your son keep working through things, and it will get better, it is just going to take time for him to get through the self discovery. Sounds like he has the right dad though.

Richard

[hobart]

Self discovery is a painful, difficult process. I had the advantage, or maybe it's a disadvantage, of my self discovery didn't happen until later in life, so I was emotionally mature. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to go through it at his age.

As others have said, continue to support him, I can promise that just knowing that you accept him for who he is and love him the same way that you loved him before he told you is doing wonders for him.

I can't really give you any insight about being the parent but PFLAG is a great organization and their whole mission in life is to help families of LGBT people. I actually donate money to them every year that's how important I think their work is.

I hope that you and your son keep working through things, and it will get better, it is just going to take time for him to get through the self discovery. Sounds like he has the right dad though.

Richard

I have looked into pflag, and they are helpful, but I would like to get input from all sources

[Slidezone303]

The best thing you did was to not freak out. I have no children, but I like to think if my son came to me as yours did I would first take a deep breath then suggest we take a walk. I would walk in silence for awhile, maybe remarking on the passing scenery, and then I would ease into the conversation. His seeing that I am not freaking out but actually want to pursue this in a private activity will convey a lot. I would ask him if he has a romantic interest. What does he look like and do you guys have common activities you pursue. I would tell him that sometime I would like to meet the boy who turns my son's eye. Then leave it at that. You can go into other factors at a later time. Keep in mind that I am a gay man in touch with the issues and the scenario I offer is not at all what a hetero father might be prepared to do. Still it is the best I can come up with. As for telling Mama, I would leave that for him when he feels the time is right.

I admire how you have handled this to this point. Good luck to you and your son.

Slider

BTW I think it is important to check in with him from time to time. Take another walk. My mother never did this after I told her. I thought that surely she would express her hope I was having safe sex. But later I realized she just didn't think it was any of her business. (I came out to her much later in life, though, so it isn't quite the same)