So I've been talking to this guy for a month and half now and we met online but not in person yet. He does work a lot and so do I which is why I had not had the chance to make plans. That and he just got out of a 5yr relationship about 5 months ago.
So I don't want to tell him I have a crush on him. Though I think he knows.
Recently I asked him what time he goes into work so I could swing by on his break or before he works to meet up. But I guess he was shocked because he asked me if I was going to drive all the way up to him. He is 30mins away.
How would you feel if a guy came to see you on your break, being in the same situation as he is in. I know that me and him are going to end being friends because idk if he wants a relationship or to be friends and idk if he even likes me as more than a friend.
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If he seems a little put-off about seeing you at his place of work, then suggest to meet somewhere else. If he doesn't have time to meet you somewhere else,,,, then there's a problem.
If he has time to chat with you via the internet, he should be able to find time to meet in person.
Ask him what he's looking for. Does he just want an online friendship/relationship,,, or does he want a real friendship/relationship where you actually meet up and do things together.
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Pretty much what jimcrackcorn said. He might not want to be seen by his colleagues doing things that will obviously look like a first meeting.
On the other hand he should be a bit flattered that you'd take the trouble to drive 30 miles to see him, so perhaps suggest another venue or occasion. If he's still reluctant you might want to ask yourself why that might be.
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hang in there as 5 months is a long time and he might slowly want to re start things
-at work maybe its more his style to grab a sandwich and a soda at his desk.
-some people, no matter how out they are never mix their home life with work
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Maybe he isn't out at work... There are still a lot of places being obviously/openly gay is not a good idea especially the job area.
I would be panicked over the first meeting thing (face to face) regardless where it was - the last place I would want to meet is on my lunch break after a harassing half day at work - I mean gee my hair may be out of place, my cloths a bit wrinkled.
First impressions are important.. no?
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Well he doesn't have a problem meeting at work. I know the days he is off but I'm working mostly all day on those days.
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Suggestion: Tell him that you have spoken for ages now and you feel its time to meet in real life, maybe even go on a first date. Then, suggest one of the days he is off (and you can take that day off too).
If he says no to this, he wants to keep it online. Do you want that? If not, its time to break things off :/
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As far as work, in my opinion, it really depends on his field.
I've always been a desk jockey/cubicle farmer and don't feel like it's appropriate to have people to my place of business - no matter how interested I am/what stage of our relationship I'm in with them (and, I'm rather openly gay). I'll gladly meet someone for lunch, and have them to work functions (if we're at least dating exclusively), but I have a pretty serious career path in mind and mixing business and pleasure on any given day isn't my personal branding style.
That said, though, I've dated several guys in the service industry where - no matter if they work at a chain restaurant or someplace much much finer than that - it's totally normal and almost expected to come in and visit/grab a bite or drink/and hang out, and it seems widely accepted in that industry. It's definitely something to get used to for both parties as I'm not used to "interrupting" someone's work hours, and wouldn't feel comfortable with them doing the same to me.
For all points, though, I'm a rabid believer in unadulterated honesty. I'd simply tell him, in maybe a cute/kitschy way "Yo, homes, I'm crushing on you hardcore. I understand that may not be reciprocated, and may not be what you're looking for, right now, but I thought I'd put it out there. And, either way, I'd like to meet you face-to-face sometime because: A) You're pretty rad, and much-less-important-but-still B) it'd be pretty neat if we shared some chemistry." If he's not looking for that or doesn't feel the same way, he'll let you know either directly (hopefully) or indirectly (boo!). And, if it causes long-term awkwardness, well, are you sure you want someone who can't deal appropriately with human emotions in your life on any level? BUT, there's always the chance that it will be received well, and then...who knows?!?
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So I should be honest with him about the way I feel? Like telling him I have a crush on him like TKC said? should I say:
"I am really interested in you and I know you gotten out of a relationship recently and I don't mind being friends with you, even though I do have a crush on you."
how is that?
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Honestly, that's exactly what I would do, and all I can say is it has worked well for me in the past.
It may go exactly the way you hoped, and it may go the exact opposite direction, but at least then you'll know.
I wish you the best in whatever path you take!
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