Dating Rules...?

[TKC]

Just curious what everyone's rules for dating are.

I've been dusting off some of my rules, lately, and was just curious what kind other people have.

For me there are two sets:

Non-starters:

- They must be out to and close with their family unless there are exceptional circumstances that inhibit that.
- Have a job that supports their lifestyle - don't care what it is...
- If they're not in a job they love, they must have ambition and drive to get where they want in their relationship with money/creating income.
- Must show signs of being open for personal and spiritual growth.
- They must accept the fact that I'm a smoker and that while that may change - it is MY decision.

Not deal-breakers, but things I generally try and stick to:

- I don't recommend or agree to sharing a ride to a date until there is mutual comfort level - usually around the time the first long-term inside joke shows up (I'm not about to sit through an uncomfortable dinner/event and then the drive back to my/their place if I feel like I need to bail at any moment; hellz nah!).
- I will not plan or agree to a movie date in the first five dates unless there is a special once in a lifetime feature (The Shining/Psycho/The Birds/Clockwork Orange/some other such classic masterpiece that was before my time is playing on the big screen or if they want to go to our local live version of Mystery Science Theater 3000); cultural events where talking isn't acceptable are ok, but I won't go on a date where I can't find out if there's a connection for the sake of being entertained by Hollywood (read: probably not being entertained by Hollywood; I only go to like 3 New Releases a year, on average).
- First date is almost always coffee, or something light and relatively quick and inexpensive (an hour and a half or so), friends are not allowed. It shouldn't be much of an investment in any way, at all, only a "Do we click as much as we did in the bar/in bed/at Whole Foods single's night - which is every night...really.
- If there is a third date, I plan it. By then I should know if and how well we click, and I'm either fully on the hunt, or still finding out if the prey is worth it. No matter which it is, I plan it according to how much I'm digging on the potential prey.

What are yours? I'm just super curious what we've all picked up over the years in the hard and fast world of big gay dating.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I haven't been on a date since the last century... I have no hard and fast rules.

Deal breakers for relationships are Abuse and Cheating. Incidentally I have had both from previous partners, so I am dead set against such.

Things to do on dating - whatever he wants - I figure that his choices will give me some insight into his personality. I prefer cheap dates... Walks in parks, hiking trips, day trips to the Giant Redwoods - that sort of thing. I prefer picnics in the great outdoors over 5 star dress-up dining.

I'm not a big fan of TV and Movies, but I'm willing to go. The idea of being on a date is not so much the activity one is doing but the person what is doing the activity with.

Hell if you want to go bowling, I'm game. I may not know how to bowl, but I'm willing to give it a go.

I think the ideal dating situation is where we take turns taking the other on trips of discovery of what the individual likes. Thus he takes me wherever the first date, I take him wherever the second.

[Jake]

I am actually "kind of dating someone" but let's say I am very very slow in development because I know that when I get hooked to someone there's coming back... well there is but you know what I mean lol.

Since I mostly meet guys online my rule is very sample and straight to the point.

-First show interest by having read my profile... I normally write profiles that are very specifics yet not completely aggressive but let's say I am very straightforward but it is still polite. I also post a picture that is subjective but not too much, I do not post picture of my ass, dick or completely naked on the front because then you're just asking for all the pigs that one didn't one in first place. There is nothing I hate more from someone that come to you, says "hi" (which I will always reply to someone saying hi) and the next sentence is - "what are you into?". My hairs turn gray from the very start.

- I refuse to meet right away... let's say I have been chatting for few hours with someone whether on chat or webcam and he ask me to meet him... it's a immediate NO. Because my goal is to know the person before hand. And yes I have to admit I do use my psychological know how on the person... as a psychologist I also have the ability to read analyses text the very same way someone analyses somebody's behavior and I can tell that this ability have been very useful for me. Let's take the example of some guys who said he was first looking for friends, and I gave him my personal email address so we can converse on a more personal level but as soon as he got the email the tone has changed and from that so called good communicator he turned into a dirty pig - don't get me wrong I very inventive in sex but that's for me to know and you to find out if there's a match. And yes I do have a special email made for online communication only .

- If we meet someone (which is normally after few weeks of online communication) it's somewhere where there's no bed to lit up temptation... and yes I will ask the very same questions I asked in a different way... but then I also have the visual... and I do not read eyes... I read gestures and positions... Many people believe they can see the truth through your eyes... perhaps true for some... but I can guaranty you that I can look very deeply into your eyes and lie to you and you won't see a thing...

- But before all these very simple rule the most important rule for me is "ACCEPTANCE" I have dated some guys that were not completely out (which I don;t mind because I am not out to every one myself - sometimes and because I have a daughter, other just don;t need to know) but if the persons have not reach this level of acceptance of oneself I stay away from those kind because there's nothing worst than having someone still in the process of accepting oneself or in complete denial. I used to have patience and wanted to help them... but I'm not entering in a relationship to take a shift as a psychologist. The person needs to have at least accept that he's into guys, he's looking to have sex with a guy, and he can take whatever definition he wants; gay, curious, bi-curious, monkey I don;t care as long he knows who he is and what he wants.

I am one of those that knows I'm young and cute although I am 37 years old but I really really don't look it to the point that quite a lot of guys from 18-30 hits on me and run away when they find out I'm 37 LOL (can't do better but to laugh about it LOL)... but I am not an asshole, I am not shallow because one day all this retained youthfulness will fall in one straight hit and hit me with grey hairs and wrinkles... can't predict what will come up... genetic works mysterious way and you get so much fun being polite and not acting like a total bitch.

[Tulloni]

Here's my 2 cents:

1. I do not want to hear the other person talk about their ethnic origins in excruciating detail. If someone is say half-Russian and half-Polish and says they're proud of it then respect to them I say. But when I (a Brit) go on a date with another British guy I do not want to hear them bore me to death with how they are 'slighty Russian, slighty Scandinavian, part German, part Irish, part French, with a touch of Italian thrown in for seasoning'... Really, if I wanted to find out their family history I would've asked. Point is, don't go on about your family history or ancestry in excessive detail during your first date.

2. Try not to sound too depressing. I know I can be a bit of a miserable git but even I don't want to hear about how someone's friend is dying of cancer as soon as I meet them. I understand they're upset and it is hard but if they find it that tough it's best to give dating a miss until the problem is over and if they friend passes on they need time to grieve before they start dating.

3. Just have good hygiene and good habits really.

4. It's a bit off-putting when someone is making their political zeitgeist painfully clear to you. Sometimes we need a break from politics and history and a date in one of those times.

5. People just need to be themselves, be relaxed, patient and reasonable.

6. No bling, jewellery and fancy goods don't impress me much and....

7. No boasting or bragging. I don't care if they're top of the class at school, it's bad form to start boasting. I don't mind people being proud of something but they need to make sure they don't cross the fine line between pride and boasting.

[Pix]

Non-starters:

Must not talk trash about everyone or treat others rudely without a reason. If someone does then I assume it's only a matter of time before I'm treated that way, too. Same for the blame game, if they have like 10 people to name for why their life's a mess I know it won't be long before I'm yet another person listed who "screwed them over."

I've never cared for smoking but always tolerated it, and the women I had long, serious relationships with all smoked...until the one I'm with now. And I love being with a nonsmoker so much that I would be extremely hesitant to ever go with a smoker again, so hesitant that it's close enough to non-starter.

You know, that's about all I can think of. However, I learned as a teen to not let men I didn't know well buy me things as they sometimes thought I "owed" them after and in a handful of extreme cases got menacing or violent with me (and a handful of women have tried similar things in a non-sexual way that also make me wary of accepting "gifts with a hidden price tag"), and as a result I pay my own way on a date with someone I don't know. Granted, dates with males have been extremely rare for me, and as for women, well I can't recall any ever making an issue of it.

Beyond that I don't really care...as long as we can talk. Movies are fine as long as we can talk before and/or after (and it gives a topic of conversation), and so are friends as I can usually tell a lot about them that way. I just play it by ear.