Perception

[ardus]

So, I'm running into a problem. I meet nice men, I like them, I want to try to care about them. But because I need to be with a guy a while before I can open my heart up, it seems like all the guys I meet are afraid that because I sleep with a lot of guys that I can't commit.

I CAN commit. But I can't commit until I have been with someone a while.

Anyway, I met someone I thought I really liked this morning, but now he's dismissing me because he thinks I can't commit.

Not happy.

Richard


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[Jay]

Richard, did you try to explain the situation that you are having with that guy. Explain to him. Tell him that you practice what you preach; Prove to him somehow someway that you sincerely like him and can commit a relationship with him.

[pellaz]

explain to him that; "his friendship is important and he adds a lot to your life... "

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hmm. So why do you need to sleep around with a lot of guys?

Are your hands broken?

Anyway, I met someone I thought I really liked this morning, but now he's dismissing me because he thinks I can't commit.

I meet people all the time, I don't think I like them for at least a few meetings. I don't get into the 'really like' phase until a week or so of constant hanging around them to get an idea of how they tick/operate, their likes, dislikes and hobbies and crap like that. There is no way one can feasibly just meet a person and know enough about them to 'really like' them.

EXAMPLE: I like you, but then you have been on this board posting oh 1150 posts which have revealed a few things about you. I get a little insight of you. Honestly I really liked the idea that you want a farm life - I am so there with that idea... but to be even more honest I don't 'really like' you just because we have that in common.

In order for me to 'really like' you we would have to have a much longer conversation or twelve... I would have to see you in action around other people.

This dismissing you this soon is because your first impression you gave him is you are a slut - only in it for the sex and unable/unwilling to commit. Like it or not, the number of sex partners you have does send a message. YOU personally may be able to commit, but the hard truth is that a lot of guys who have lots of sex partners end up carrying on with that behavior in a relationship. Take my ex (Please, take him, drop him off someplace like the middle of the desert). I totally ignored his sex-capades which he freely talked about two weeks into our 'dating'. I came to learn the hard way that a guy who has that much sex, that many experiences is kind of addicted to the fun and games and its real hard to compare to hundreds of potential guys, hundreds of sexual experiences.

Richard, you don't have to go to bed with every guy you meet thinking that you may end up in a relationship with him.

If you are looking for a relationship, commitment then the ability to go 30 days without sex with that person while spending time with them doing non-intimate activities (like bowling) and getting to know them says you are looking for honest/sincere relationship not just a hump.

Try it, take a month break from sex and just spend time with the next potential mate, get to know them as a person, watch them in their native habitat, see how they deal with others, listen to their talking about other stuff... Take it slow, let nature take its course.

If a guy can't wait 30 days, he most likely is looking got just sex and not for a relationship. This is the message that is sent, and yes a lot of guys end up having sex relatively quickly in 'hope' that this will be more, but we all know, especially if we read other's posts, that too often as soon as the sex is had the guy we have sex runs off to find a new trick....

[MisterTinkles]

So, I'm running into a problem. I meet nice men, I like them, I want to try to care about them. But because I need to be with a guy a while before I can open my heart up, it seems like all the guys I meet are afraid that because I sleep with a lot of guys that I can't commit.

I CAN commit. But I can't commit until I have been with someone a while.

Anyway, I met someone I thought I really liked this morning, but now he's dismissing me because he thinks I can't commit.

Not happy.

Richard


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2

Thats why Im still without a man.

When they turn tail and run, that just shows me Im SO lucky not to have gotten anymore involved with the guy than I did.

A REAL man would understand and work with it. After all, love is compromise between two people. And if one of them cant compromise, then there is no love there to be had. No matter how many "sweet" words are used.

[HomeagainNYC]

Anyway, I met someone I thought I really liked this morning, but now he's dismissing me because he thinks I can't commit.

If you met him this morning - what is it he thinks you cannot commit to - supper tonight? I'm a bit confused................ why would he think that? Is it something you said - or didn't say?

Is it possible he is deranged?

[TKC]

Having many sex partners is a hard thing for people to get around, often enough, and it sucks.

I'm in the triple digits, myself, and it's not about an inability to commit - it's about exploring myself in context with others and sex. Sex is a BIG thing for me - bad sex is an unofficial deal breaker, it just is. BUT there are also sexual curiosities that I have that I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with a partner. Nothing too kinky, but definitely some stuff not for the feint of heart. AND, I'd rather pick up a trick, debase them (and their boyfriend, friend, or other random 3rd if I'm lucky), and know that neither of us should expect to respect each other in the morning - that way I can learn if that curiosity is something I want to add to my sexual repertoire, or just a fleeting fantasy that I've satisfied.

That said, from my perspective, people are rarely if ever compared to prior sex partners (be they tricks or also romantic partners). The best sex I've ever had has consistently been in relationship - or anytime I've dated someone for longer than 3 months at least. I've had phenomenal sex before that, but each sexual encounter is treated as something new and (hopefully) special/different rather than "The guy that I picked up on July 2nd was way better at (insert random sex act from Urban Dictionary here) than the guy I picked up on July 8th." Or "I wish my lover would do (insert sex act here), I had a trick the one time that did it and it tickled my fancy." It just doesn't work that way.

So, I just make up my own stories about why people are freaked out about it. If someone is turned off by how many men I've slept with, I just assume that they're prudes and the sex would be bad anyways because they're not up for exploring themselves in context with me and the skills/abilities we both could bring to the bedroom.

Or, if they're super hot and I really like them (sometimes it happens the first time I meet them) and the above doesn't work for me, I convince myself that they kick kittens. That really helps me not like them anymore.

[Jake]

Richard it seems to me that you're not really ready to commit. Neither are the date you are encountering. I used to be in the three digits as well not only because I was a sex crazed I also used to be an escort and I did porn so trust me I won't give a number because it's kind of embarrassing lol... and yet just like you I was also quite open to a Long Term Relationship, well so I thought but just like Bown Aerrow wrote:

Like it or not, the number of sex partners you have does send a message.

When I met guys we would connect just fine over a dinner and yes because I was so used to drop my pants as an escort to be it was an automated gesture. Which also sent a real bad message to the other about myself. And yes I can definitely say it now that this is behind me I was a massive slut and I wasn't ready at all to enter a real relationship even though in my mind I was.

Slow down the tempo as it was suggested to you... don't brag to your next conquest the amount of guys you had and have some real QUALITY time. Sex isn't the only thing.

Today I am married with the dude of my dream and trust me I really don't feel the need to have another man every night because the one I have is all that I need.