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WWelcome to GaySpeask. You'll find that on the whole we're a pretty friendly bunch here and always willing to offer suggestions and moral support.
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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hi and welcome to the forum - im sure many members will be happy to chat and help solve any problems or questions you have now you have come out
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Someone needs a hug :bigghug:
Sorry to hear about your cousin.
Welcome to the site. Hope to see you participating on the boards.
Be good to you.
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Good question WalkingTall. Each time a big event happened in my life, a big change happened in my sex life From birth to 8, I loved my best friend Tommy Mullins. I hated my 2 sisters who beat me in my crib and kept escalating until they were breaking my ribs for the fun of it. I was a champion bedwetter. My Uncle taught me to fight with a revolver and I fired a gun at my sister [8 yrs older]. The cigarette flew out of her mouth. I felt confident I could handle disagreeable women. At 10, I was transferred to the Boys Dept at my grammar school. I felt better with boys and fell in love with a native American boy who was as lonely as I was. At 14, I went to high school and promptly fell in love with peter Byrnes. During college, I worked like crazy. I went to college full time, worked a full time job at night and tried to do some volunteer work I had been doing since grammar school. My job was at the NYU Library at the Bronx campus. I loved my boss Mr. LeSeuer. He ran a tight ship. We both knew we were gay but he left me alone. He was incredibly supportive on a personal level and complimented me a lot. Not much sex between 18 and 22. On 6/21/68 I started a new job. I got on the elevator with Tom Bolenbaugh and am still in love with him to this day.
Like you, in high school I felt like I gave more than I got. But I survived like you will. Luckily I got hit by a train like Tom. Wow. I am done looking. I got first prize.
By the way, I have attended a lot of funerals in my life. You try to grin and bear it. Take a lot of deep breaths and walk around. Some of the worst deaths I went through were for pets.
I've known a lot of guys in my life. Most say they had big changes in their sex life when they changed jobs, moved, started at a new school or went into the military.
Oddly enough I liked the Marine Corps. It prepares you for life by rubbing death in your face. You enter as 80 total strangers who feel alone BUT you graduate as a platoon of brothers. The training is very brutal, not everyone makes it. You can only graduate by JOINING the platoon who fight as a team against the drill instructors who are trying to make you, personally, feel like shit. Something wonderful happens. You realize that 80 total strangers can out think the drill instructors. When you feel you have won, the drill instructors grin and ask you to JOIN the marine corps. Marines enlist in the Navy. We JOIN the marines on graduation day. I was so proud of my platoon when I graduated on 1/4/69. I still remember those guys clearly. They really made me feel like a man. And I orgaized some of the best male orgies ever held at Camp LeJeune.
At 19, something big is bound to happen to you. Pay close attention to the guys you see. There will be a guy there who feels inept and alone as you do.
I always included God in my belief system. Nothing too specific just a sense there was a God and an afterlife where there is no pain. Keeps me calm on cold lonely days. I can't guess what comfort people take from atheism. You die and God hits a delete key. I would like to hang around awhile and see some things I missed and some people I wanted to meet. I sure would like to meet Alexander the Great. Conquered the world. He can own me for a French kiss.
Try a lot of volunteer work. Visit libraries. You meet such nice people when you do things like that.
Good luck
John
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Hi
This is my first time posting on a forum. I'm not really a social person but that is something I want to change. I have no friends since I started coming out. My family doesn't accept it but will not stand in my way. I have had one relationship that was very one-sided. 
Welcome to the site.
