French Jokes

[Spellbound]

I live in France, so don't tell them I posted this!

Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon?
A: "The Axis of Weasels."

Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.

Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The Army.

Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!

[Counselor]

*tattles*


:biggrin:

[gilhooly]

Don't insult France to me. My first trip to Paris was my first trip outside NYC. Tom and I looked up and Tom pointed at the Eifel Tower. We ran to the tower and jumped on an elevator, we got to the top. We walked to the far end of the Observation Platform, Tom masturbated me as we took in the view. Some nice Frenchman smiled at me as I had an orgasm. Thank God we said. Frenchmen like orgasms as Americans from New York City.

The following morning I had a problem. Frenchmen were so small I was drinking from the smalest water fountain I ever saw. Tom walked in and asked "Why are you drinking from a bidet?"
"What the fuck is a bidet. This is a small fountain."
" John, go eat a croissant>" I tried to open his zipper.
"John, the croissants are breakfast food in Paris."
"Tom. I must have Cheerios in the morning or I will die."
"Go ahead and fucking die, John, No one in Paris will give a shit if an American dies in Paris. They won't even attend your funeral."
"That's not true, they will take my body and cut my head off in a guillotine."
"They may cut your balls off, John, but always check your receipts. French waitresses cheat John."
"I don't believe that. No one in France has ever committed adultery, Tom."
We loved Paris, we ended the second day fucking each other at Sacre Coeur. We went down to the Montmarte subway platform. A French woman walked near the platform. Her heel broke. She fell onto the tracks. I looked and saw a train approaching. I jumped down and put her on the platform. I jumped back up. The train missed me.
"John, the Irish Republican Army trained you to kill people."
"Fuck you, John, I quit the IRA. It's more fun saving lives than killing people."

I won guys. Tom died in 1997. He comes back to see me because all the people I saved are in heaven and can't wait for me to show up so we can all have a good time in heaven. I saved about 50 lives so far. I also had 85,000 orgasms which I enjoyed immensely. Orgasm is not much of a sin but saving a life gets you a huge pool of grace in heaven. People can come back and visit me.

I get up every morning and behave like a civilized man. I eat a croissant for breakfast with strong coffee. I have Cheerios at night so my stomach won't growl in bed. Lots of sex and a few near death experiences. I used my IRA training in a way the IRA did not intend. They love to kill and terrorize. I love to fuck guys and save people.

I get the last laugh. See all you GaySpeak guys in heaven. I'll show you around. I have no desire to be elegant, Just cheerfully horny. Paris is beautiful and everyone should go. I never met anyone who doesn't love Paris.

[MisterLove]

The French kicked ass in WW1, don't you forget that.

Anyway, I love France, Paris is the most beautiful city in the world and I didn't find the French arrogant at all. Try to learn some French before you go there, it's worth it and the locals will really appreciate it.

My favorite place in Paris: the wonderful Foyer de la Madeleine (Place de la Madeleine, under the church), a 'restaurant associatif' where you can have a great meal for 10€ and help the less fortunate.

http://foyerdelamadeleine.fr/

[Spellbound]

What's with you guys? This is the humour section, right? I live in France too and love it, but that's not the point. This is the JOKES section!

[Counselor]

"Tom. I must have Cheerios in the morning or I will die."
"Go ahead and fucking die, John, No one in Paris will give a shit if an American dies in Paris. They won't even attend your funeral."

Best gilhooly quote on the planet ever

[MisterLove]

I don't know any French jokes but I just made up a Portuguese joke on Facebook. (I'm Portuguese, even though I live in Africa) The subject was the newly found fish in Northern Europe that eats men's testicles and I said that if the fish lived in Portugal, it would starve to death.