I am 63 years old and never knew I had gay in me.On May 30 2013 I had my first gay experience.A mutual friend came on to me and after a few drinks we were going at it hot and heavy.He took his time with me and on May 31 he took my virginity.He made it the most pleasurable experience and orgasm I had ever had.I was hooked.He had his way with me until Sunday June 2 and I did not want it to end.We both have wives and did not know what to do.After a few months of sneaking around for great sex I finally told my wife.His wife and my wife are friends and he admitted to her that he wanted me long before it happened.Now that things are out my wife was hiding the fact that she has affairs going on as well.My wife does not want the kids or grandkids to know just keep it quiet.Only problem is that when she wants me now she does not call my name just calls cocksucker or fag.I do not like name calling but I guess I brought it on myself.She now says that she is going to set up rules for me to follow.I took early retirement so I am not financially able to leave.I also understand that she is hurt and does not to hurt the family but is this what coming out is about.My man gives me sexual pleasure like no woman.I long to taste him and feel him in me.He is a great lover.He brought the gay out of me.
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I hope the sex never wears off.That is what got me into this situation.I never knew I was gay until my man rocked my world.Thanks for your advice.
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What about both of you two set up rules?
Cos she's also having affairs too so why not make something up that both of you can agree on u.u
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It has been about 10 days now since I had the talk with my wife and it has been a living hell.Other than all sorts if hell from the wife my man who I though I could trust was just using me for sex.Things are all screwed up and coming out for me was so not worth it.
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As a single gay man, I certainly don't have much direct experience to draw on, but a few things jumped out at me from how you described your situation. You're going to have to do some soul searching alone and with your wife. He are just some various things to think about:
+ It's not unknown for straight men to have a gay fling or gay men to have a straight fling. Sexual attraction is pretty complex and sometimes just comes down to an individual. Has this experience made you realize you're attracted to men in general, or do you still feel mainly attracted to women? Most importantly, were you ever and are you still physically and/or emotionally attracted to your wife?
+ Depending on your kids, you might be able to talk to one or more of them. One of the hardest things about coming out older is that it's so hard to find a network of support to help you through the process of figuring out what's going on inside of you. If you feel comfortable talking with your kids or maybe a trusted friend, take them into your confidence. The problem with coming out is that each time you try to share, there's that fear or rejection - and it's a real risk - but sometimes people surprise you. Sometimes kids and other family will have already picked up that something's wrong, but other kids really just don't want to know about their parents' sex lives. It really depends on the person. Coming to a forum like this can be helpful to remind you you're not alone, but it really helps to have a flesh and blood ally to go to, as well. Do you have any siblings you could talk to?
+ If you've generally had a long happy marriage and a good relationship with your wife, there's no reason that has to stop. Keep the lines of communication open. You've hurt one another by cheating - and really there's not really a big difference between whether you cheated with a man or a woman. But you need to decide if you're still reasonably content in your marriage. If so, when you're both ready, keep talking about what you need to recover the happiness you had. If the relationship has been on the rocks anyway, you may have to think about splitting - which can be terrifying. The fact that she's calling you hurtful names - reminding you of your transgression every couple minutes - makes me concerned. You need to ask her to stop. She's hurt, but zinging you several times a day won't help the healing. I'm assuming you're not calling her "harlot" instead of her name. If you can't recover some amount of respect for one another, you'll just be making one another miserable.
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I have to say, this story is a bit concerning to me.
Disclaimer: Feel free to disregard anything I say, as I've never been in a serious relationship. Besides, I'm a few decades younger than you, so what the hell do I know?
Ok, so it sounds like you have had a "fling" like hirvi7 beautifully said- it is not unknown for gay men to have straight flings, or in your case straight men to have gay flings.
Not that cheating on your spouse is acceptable, of course. Yes, she may have been seeing other men but was that the cause of some of the degradation of your marriage or a symptom?
As you said, things have come to a close now that sex is no longer available in its homosexual incarnation, so you must reconcile with your wife, because you are married and deserves an apology, just as you may also get an apology after you work things out and reconcile all that has transpired.
Just because sex is pleasurable does not mean that it defines you. If that were true, we would all be truly bisexual since sex is sex, essentially. It could have been the novelty of it that attracted you, or "rocked you world" as you put it. Are you really gay? Would you, if you could, repeat your entire married life except with a member of the same sex? Or is it just the explosive sex- that you were used for- that draws your curiosity?
I don't believe it "brought the gay out of you" in other words, and I think you need to do some serious reconciliation with the woman that you vowed to spend your life with, in good times and in bad- here's a good example of a bad time.
Best of luck and let me know if this made sense at all,
Chris
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My question is aimed at keeping your relationship with your wife stable since it seems like that is something that you desire a little bit and no one has really touched on.
How is sex/romance with her? I know if you have been together for a while it can get stale, but on the whole?
After that, if you two are both looking for something new and exciting, communication as always... ask her maybe about a MMF with a Bi / curious gay man.
Don't pose the question about a Bi/gay man for yourself, but as an offer if she is open to having a mutual experience for her benefits (and keep the bi/gay part for yourself, asking about it for you will just make her react worse)
Hey its just an idea, otherwise, if splitting is inevitable these guys have some good advice.
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coming out and my experience
