Am I being unreasonable?

[Creevo]

Hi everyone,

I've been seeing a guy for about two months now, rather steadily. We met a year ago, and we know each other pretty well, and things are going really well so far. This week, he told me about some family drama that he's currently dealing with (nothing to do with the two of us) and he told me that he has plans to go down to California this weekend for site-seeing with his roommate (another gay man). He has reassured me more than once that I have nothing to worry about, and that he is not interested in his roommate, and he has also told me that he feels the need to get away for a couple of days (in light of the recent family issues). I've told him that I'm not particularly comfortable with the idea, partly because of how last-minute it is and partly because the trip doesn't seem to be for the purpose of visiting family or changing jobs or anything like that...it's a trip that his roommate decided to take and invited him to come along. I've already told him that I trust him not to do anything but for some reason I'm still not particularly comfortable about the whole thing. I told him to forget about my uneasiness and that I hope he has a good time, but maybe that is my way of subconsciously shutting him out. Am I being unreasonable? Please be brutally honest. I'm fairly certain this situation is nothing too serious, and I've been through far worse, but I'm just curious how y'all feel about this. Thanks for reading.

[ChrisD]

Well, I would like to think that it's not horribly uncommon for gay people to have gay friends. If it is, what is the purpose of this site?

If you believe that you can trust your partner to stay faithful to you, don't worry. Don't worry until you legitimately have something with which to concern yourself. If you have proof after the fact that something happened (unlikely though it may be) then you are justified in worrying.

[Kenny221]

There's really no being 'reasonable' or 'unresonable' about this. Why do you feel the uneasiness? Do you REALLY REALLY trust this guy? or is what you've just said a lie? Are you fearing for his safety? or your place in his heart?

I'm just saying, maybe you should dig a little deeper into what you're feeling first.

[Counselor]

You should beat the SO to the punch and hook up with his roommate. Then tell the roommate he has a small penis that the SO would also laugh at (helpful to be laughing at this point, or a little before). This will make roommate insecure and afraid to show his penis, making bouncy-naked-yum-yum time very much trickier.

/obviously terrible advice

TALK TO THE ROOMMATE AND ASK IF HE IS INTERESTED IN YOUR SO

[Creevo]

TALK TO THE ROOMMATE AND ASK IF HE IS INTERESTED IN YOUR SO

Roommate: "You won't believe what [my name] just talked to me about."

SO (to me): "You said you trusted me! Why the hell did you go behind my back and talk to [roommate's name]?"

Moral of the story: I don't think it's that easily investigable. But thank you for the advice nonetheless.

[Pix]

Why is he going? (Family drama? How does this trip help with that?)

What is he going to contribute to this trip?

How long have they been together, have they ever been lovers, and do either demonstrate impulse control problems (doesn't have to be sexual)?

I'd have to know thing like that before I could form an opinion on whether or not you're being unreasonable.

[jimcrackcorn]

Do you two consider yourselves as a couple who are in a relationship? (boyfriends). If so, I know I'd be a little upset that my boyfriend is taking a vacation with his friend and leaving me at home alone.

If he had asked you to come along, I'd be a little more sympathetic about him taking this vacation, but from what you said, he didn't even bother to ask you.

So yes, you have a right to be a little angry and it's not unreasonable of you to expect your boyfriend to at least understand that he's making you feel left out and uncomfortable about this vacation situation.

The other side of the coin,,,,,, you two are not living together and sharing everything in your lives. So,,, at this stage of your relationship - it would be acceptable for him to take a vacation without you.

When the two of you formally commit to each other and are living together,,, then you can have a say on when and who he goes on vacation with. Until then, keep smiling and let him have his vacation.

Sincerely,
Jim

[Waylon777]

I would not say that it's unreasonable. Sometimes, last minute plans do come in. If you are worried, maybe you could tag along. It not, maybe you could ask him to stay at your place. It seems like your boyfriend really needs a time and a space away from family(not to just getaway, but to think over), maybe that's why he is tagging along with his roommate. I think you really should stay by his side and talk to him, when issues arise, it's definitely comforting to have someone you know that care sitting beside you. You could maybe plan a trip together with the roommate to somewhere closer. Either way, your boyfriend seems to need some support and time to think.

[Ryocchi]

Is quite normal to feel a little jealous or insecure, your guy reassured you that nothing will happen, the way you word the situation makes me think you and said roommate are not friends, I don't think it is particularly odd that the roommate invited him and not you if that's true, he's just hanging with a friend, and I don't know how much they have known each other but even so, if they were to hook up it they would have done it by now.

So enjoy your weekend and call your own friends, go dancing, plan a movie marathon or something, it will help you forgetting your uneasiness, having fun, going out with friends it's simply healthy, when he comes back you will have something to tell him when he asked you what you did, instead of answering "Nothing spend the whole weeked by the phone just in case you decided to call" =).

[NerdyGiant23]

If you have been hurt by another guy before that you trusted and turned out you shouldn't have in the past, then I can understand where you are coming from completely. But also consider that the guy he is going on this trip with is his roommate, you trust him enough to share living spaces with another gay man. From what you have said your guy sounds like one of the rare ones that will treat you right, let him enjoy that vacation with his friend to cleat his mind of his family life because when he comes back all that will matter is you