Coming Out At Work

[MisterTinkles]

I've been in the same job now 10 years and last month someone at work asked me if the rumours were true about me, i asked what rumours she asked if i was gay, i denied it and for the last 4 weeks ive barely spoke to anyone.

Im generally quite a shy guy at work and keep myself to myself and dont want everyone at work knowing about my sexuality,

I have hear a lot of cheeky comments about me since i was asked, my question really is do you think i should come out or not?

Thanks

Your personal life is none of their goddamned business.
Tell them that!!


If you dont like these people too much and want them off your ass about your personal life, here are some sure fire ways to piss these people off where they wont bother you anymore....

When asked if "the rumors are true"....my response is "I'll tell you if you tell me if the rumors are true about you". When they ask "what rumors", I say, "that youre a child molester". They always walk off and I never am bothered by them again.

Of course you dont have to say "child molester", you can say "cannibal", "drug smuggler", or some such thing. But its got to be harsh, otherwise it wont work too well.

People learn VERY quickly, being around me, you BETTER watch your mouth, ESPECIALLY on personal matters that have NOTHING to do with anyone else. Because they WILL get an ear full!!!

And if they complain to your boss, you tell your boss they were harassing you, asking you personal questions and making inuendos that you find hateful and unprofessional.

[hirvi7]

A lot depends on the work atmosphere. In almost any workplace, it's appropriate to acknowledge that you have a spouse or partner, as in "My husband baked these cookies, and I wanted to share these with you." Other places of work have more robust discussions about dating and relationships (at least among peers - it can start getting into weird territory with a boss, again depends on the office culture). And still other offices have workers dating one another.

I'd say match your degree of coming out to the level people already share their personal lives, but don't go beyond that level. If people tend not to share their private lives, there's no reason to spill yours upon the receptionist's desk. But if socializing is a little freer, it seems like something that can be dropped casually in conversation. No need for a special executive emergency meeting to discuss it.

[Vigilias]

Hi Shorny.

Your question, should you come out at work, appears to come from a personal angle rather than including issues of discrimination and the law etc. In that sense, the decision should be a personal one.

I no longer feel the need to keep my sexuality a secret and in fact helps when some muppet passes me over a picture of a glamour model in a news paper and says "Would You!?" I can simply make noises like I'm weighing up the situation then say something like, "Meh, bit too female for my liking!" or "Does she have a brother?"

Sometimes if I can find no other way, I'm not keen on the big announcement style, I'll just join a conversation but change the gender specific pronouns from the feminine to the masculine if talking about an ex or significant other.

I was just about to suggest leaving a note on the photocopier and hitting 1000 copies, but your boss might not like that! You could instead, tell the head of Gossip and Rumour Control that yes, it's true, you like it up the brown sheriffs badge. It'll be round the place by the end of the day and your work will be done - for you!

It's a bold step and once you take it you can't step back. Be prepared for some negative responses and if you encounter any serious discrimination, make a note of the date, time, lace and persons involved, what was said and by whom etc, then have a word with your line manager. Your employer is duty bound to help.

Links to two organisations in the UK who will support you in the instance of workforce-based homophobia... IF it happens, and pretty much these days these nob-heads tend to keep their heads down.

Good luck with it all, let us know how it went!

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/at_work/

http://www.tuc.org.uk/equality/index.cfm...ubjectID=6

[davearoo]

I've been in the same job now 10 years and last month someone at work asked me if the rumours were true about me, i asked what rumours she asked if i was gay, i denied it and for the last 4 weeks ive barely spoke to anyone.

Im generally quite a shy guy at work and keep myself to myself and dont want everyone at work knowing about my sexuality,

I have hear a lot of cheeky comments about me since i was asked, my question really is do you think i should come out or not?

It may help to look at the question from this angle:

Let's suppose, just for argument's sake, that everyone at work did know about your sexuality. Would any of them be likely to harass you or otherwise cause trouble because of it?

If the answer to the above question is 'yes,' you have every right to tell this woman that your orientation is none of her business. If it's 'no,' you can use the simple 'Yes, I'm gay' approach, and everyone would simply move on.

[bluesmoothie138]

I've had one person at work ask me if I was gay. I denied it for two reasons:

The first reason being that I'm afraid of losing my job or not advancing in my career over my sexuality, especially because of my second reason...

The second long reason being that I don't really know what I "am". I've tried to distance myself from relationships until I figure out who I am and what I want. The only person I've been with was a girl (back in college). For years she had strong feelings for me, but I never made a move because I was unsure about girls or guys at that time. She found a guy and that was the moment something happen between me and her, while she was with this guy. One thing lead to another... then weeks and months later it still continued. I would call it a booty call that lasted about 6 or 7 months. I look back on it now and think how confusing it was, but in the heat of the moment it felt right. Anyways, I always have lunch with several co-workers and we talk about a lot of things, even how much our bosses suck! I would like to tell them, but I just feel like some of them may judge me, while others could care less. I've heard "gay" comments from a few co-workers and I just think to myself, what would they think of me if they knew?

[Kenny221]

I've made the decision not to deny my sexuality. If I'm asked, I tell them the truth. Yes, I'm gay. It's surprisingly liberating.

That's what I'm doing for high school. Not every clique needs to know I'm gay..but if it comes up, eh , what the hell, why not?