My boyfriend is 22 and i'm 25. I trust him totally, but he is also the love of my life... so i get jelous sometimes, maybe it is normal in this case... he loves me too and his love is beyond his words... i really feel that he loves me, it's true for both of us. He does not dislike my jelousy totally... 'cause sometimes it's kind of funny, but we both know there's a limit. The problem for me is his best friend... he is in love with my boyfriend, or he just wants him on his bed, why do i think so?
- One day he asked my boyfriend (my baby told me) who was the bottom or top on our relationship and if they both were in a relationship, who would be the bottom and the whom the top...
- This friend person rejects and avoid any contact with me (i don't look for it either)
- He commented today on a picture of my boyfriend on his profile: "put a ring on my finger baby"... which i reeeeaaaaally hated!!! (my boyfriend replied with a laugh)
If i say something about that comment to my boyfriend he wont be mad, but he will say that it was joking and that i am jelous for no reason... cause he do not understand that his friend wants him!!! i always suspected, but this comment was too much... i have never showed my boyfriend any kind of dislike towards this guy... so i don't know what to do, i don't wanna be the boyfriend that makes his boyfriend stop being friends with someone... 'cause i trust my boyfriend, but i don't like this guy attitude... i'm not really jelous, i'm mad at this guy 'cause he likes my boyfriend and wants to take me out the game. What would you do on my shoes?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Posts: 1,323
Threads: 6
Joined: Jul 2010
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Capricorn
Mood: None
Your boyfriend chose you,,,, not the other guy. That clearly places you in a much more prominent position in your boyfriends life.
I didn't see anything in your 3 points that would indicate the friend was in love with your boyfriend, or trying to get into his pants. Just friendly banter.
It does worry me that you & your boyfriends friend avoid each other. It's important for you and your boyfriend to get along with each others friends,,, even if you don't care much for this certain friend.
Just remember, your boyfriend is going to have friends, and you've got to trust that he will remain loyal to you.
I wish you the best,
Jim
•
Thanks for your answer... sometimes i'm just jealous about nothing... it's insecurity  but every day i'm better.
That guy is just joking and you are right, I should get closer to this guy... i am friends with some of my boyfriend's friends, there's another gay couple that are friends of my boyfriend and now they are close friends to me too. But there is this "best friend" that i was talking about that... i don't know... it never happened, we can not get along. Also a girl (who is the third part of that pack)... she have even told my boyfriend that i am not the best for him, and he (not me) decided to avoid talking with her about the topic: me, i guess she also wants my boyfriend for the best friend, or not, but i don't know... it hasent happend with this two people. And my boyfriend never insisted and we are happy as a couple without them on double dates with us. But i guess i can try to get closer to them for my boyfriend.
To be honest i already talked about it with my boyfriend (few minutes ago). I brouhgt it as a bigamy joke (cause we are engage) and he said: I would never marry him, cause he is not my type AT ALL!!! (and we both keep laughing)... i trust my boyfriend, i know he is faithfull and he loves me, but i doubt this guy's (best friend) attitude, maybe you are right, i hope, so he does not become a problem and my boyfriend do not get hurt my him.
•
Thanks for your answer JIMCRACKCORN... sometimes i'm just jealous about nothing... it's insecurity but every day i'm better.
That guy is just joking and you are right, I should get closer to this guy... i am friends with some of my boyfriend's friends, there's another gay couple that are friends of my boyfriend and now they are close friends to me too. But there is this "best friend" that i was talking about that... i don't know... it never happened, we can not get along. Also a girl (who is the third part of that pack)... she have even told my boyfriend that i am not the best for him, and he (not me) decided to avoid talking with her about the topic: me, i guess she also wants my boyfriend for the best friend, or not, but i don't know... it hasent happend with this two people. And my boyfriend never insisted and we are happy as a couple without them on double dates with us. But i guess i can try to get closer to them for my boyfriend.
To be honest i already talked about it with my boyfriend (few minutes ago). I brouhgt it as a bigamy joke (cause we are engage) and he said: I would never marry him, cause he is not my type AT ALL!!! (and we both keep laughing)... i trust my boyfriend, i know he is faithfull and he loves me, but i doubt this guy's (best friend) attitude, maybe you are right, i hope, so he does not become a problem and my boyfriend do not get hurt my him.
•
Posts: 1,323
Threads: 6
Joined: Jul 2010
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign: Capricorn
Mood: None
I've been in situations like this,,,,Back in the 70's, my husbands best friend tried to kiss me one time when we were alone. I gently pushed him away before the kiss made contact, and chalked it up as a alcohol fueled mistake on his part. He profusely apologized the next day, and I never told my man what had happened. It's another one of those secrets I've kept from my husband for over 30 years.
These things have a way of working themselves out.
•
Thank you! your advices are really good. Hey now that you talked about keeping sectrets from your husband and my boyfriend and I are engage... i wonder how healthy are secrets in a relationship? i have been on the idea of telling him everything, things that no one can know, he knows, he never asks me, but i... little by little have tell him a lot embarrasing and secret hard stuff and he never judges and always supports me and viceversa. But of course... there are things he can not know... about that... sometimes i get scare to to tell him when i am drunk or something, maybe he could get mad... idk. What do you think?
•
Posts: 1,323
Threads: 6
Joined: Jul 2010
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign: Capricorn
Mood: None
It's up to each individual whether to keep something secret from their partner, or not. In my case, I decided years ago that my husband doesn't need to know every little thing about me. Case in point, I've never told him about any of my sexual relations that occurred prior to our getting together.
If my husband were to ever ask me about my prior sexual relations, I'd most likely tell him. but he has never asked, and I have never told (smile).
Don't get me wrong, I think being open and honest with your partner is a good thing. If you choose "full disclosure" about everything in your life, that's perfectly fine.
•
Immaturity, insecurity, jealousy, resentment - all of these ultimately kill relationships.
Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. Be watchful and wary, but kill him with kindness.
Understand the difference between joking around and real intent. I suspect that if this best friend was all of that and a bag of chips your BF would be dating him and not you.
Clearly this best friend is not relationship material - or your BF would be in a relationship with him.
Don't make this Best Friend look better than you by playing the loser in this relationship - your behaviors, your jealousy, insecurity, resentments and acting out on those things are making you look the fool.
In your never ending quest to save your boy friend, you most likely are driving him into the arms of the best friend.
•
To: jimcrackcorn///I understand! and you are right... in our case, at the beggining of our relationship, we both agreed on not telling each other about past relationships too, we don't ask, we don't care, we are our present. But to be honest sometimes i tell him little details related to some situation, like in a funny way, he does too, i mean just like 2 little coments we both have made... its not important. In my case i am telling him everything... but of course there is a limit, to be honest knowing how i am... i think im gonna end up telling him everything... but i don't think i have any dark think in my past, that he could dislike too much, hehe! so i'm not gonna worry about it! Thanks for your answer and say hi to your husband!
•
To: Pellaz/// You are totally right... i'm gonna try to understand it as his friend is just joking, but if it keeps bothering me... i will have to talk to my boyfriend directly and he will have to consider talking to his friend and make him stop those things (not the friendship, just those things that make me unconfortable) before we get marry.
Note: Sorry i'm writing whom the text goes to, but i'm new here and i am not sure if you can know its for you and sorry for my english too! its my second language.
•
|
