Gender idenitity issues

[Anonymous]

I've been struggling for most of my life for multiple reasons. The first was my sexuality, which I've already accepted and come out to everyone with (I had a lot of help with that here, so thanks). What I've never told anyone is that I also have issues with my gender identity. I'm confused as hell about it still and it just feels wrong for me to feel that way still. I've always felt like I was a woman in a man's body, but I'm not comfortable with expressing that at all. I look and act (mostly) like a man in public because that's the "normal" thing to do, but I just don't always feel that within. At the same time, being born male makes me want to be more "manly" because yet again it's the "normal and right" thing to do. I'm also confused because even though I feel female inside, I have too many male mannerisms that come naturally to me. It makes me wonder if I'm really feeling what I think I'm feeling. In essence, I want to be a man, but I feel like a woman and also want to be who I really am on the inside. I honestly don't know who I am or who I really want to be. I am so messed up...

Now I know a lot of people with gender identity issues will work out transitioning into the opposite gender. I don't feel comfortable with that at all, either. Forgive me if I'm being insensitive, but I'd see myself as a complete freak that way. I just don't see that as actually being female. So what am I left with? I pretty much get to continue hating who I am, no matter where I go with this. I'd rather just stay where I am so only I can judge myself and beat myself up about it. I don't even want to tell anyone how I feel, much less show them. Haven't I gone far enough with this with my sexuality as it is?

I also feel terrible for another reason. It wasn't recently, but I once refused to date someone purely for the fact that they were transsexual and had transitioned. As I stated above, I saw it as a freak thing, even if I battle with the same feelings. I still feel awful about that and I wish I could take it back. I really just feel like I'm an insensitive asshole who hates myself and everyone like me. What's wrong with me?

[Pix]

You could try cross dressing in private. I understand there are plenty of straight guys who do that and they say it gives them "license to feel and be sensitive" if only for a little while. But it can be hard to find a partner accepting of that whether you're gay or straight (maybe looking for bi in this case would be best?).

But for what it's worth, a couple of things to consider:

Women have many problems (physical to social) that many men have no clue about, and it seems to me that the men who long to be women are especially clueless of them (though they sometimes gain some deep insights if they successfully pass for a woman in public).

Many straight "normal" men and women display mannerisms or interests of the other gender. I'm sure we can all think of tomboys and very athletic females (sometimes even get popular as they cuss, spit, and belch on stage as Lady Sovereign) and guys lean in feminine ways, too.

I know a very straight guy who loves romances and soaps (even a fan of Sweet Valley High), though that's in addition to his stereotypical male interests, and he's almost never gotten any grief for it (a little kidding doesn't count). And though he comes off as a sexist jerk at times (but I do believe that's just him having a laugh) he's far more sensitive than most men and I'd say even more than many women. But one thing he is not is soft. He's just made peace with ALL of himself rather than one side. I know others like him and no one would ever question their masculinity, at least not in just casually meeting them. So maybe if you accepted these parts of you that you consider feminine then maybe being male wouldn't be so hard.

I know Jungian psychologists also believes there's a man in every woman and a woman in every man (anima and animus) and part of their training is how to integrate one into the other. Should you ever seek therapy for this then maybe Jungian is the way to go. Good luck.

[unkown21]

Wow, you literally described exactly how I feel too. I am personally in the same boat. A lot of self loathing and sadness is what I feel often. I want to be a female, but I've seen some that have transitioned and they on the outside do look like freaks sometimes. I am someone who goes out of the way to avoid attention and transitioning would bring that upon me. Its easy for people to be encouraging, but being trans is something you have to be before you can really relate to it (or rather having gender identity issues). A lot of the advice I have received is super positive and inspirational, but it doesn't change how I feel about myself. I wish i could be female, but i dont ever see it happening for me personally, I mean sonetimes i feel angry and jealous when i see women. Sometimes I feel sad and depressed when i think of future, because it just seems so bleak. I know im not really giving advice here but if i had to give any i would say to just try your best to be happy, however that may be. Only time will tell what you are going to want to do, and that's the ride in on right now

Huggs

[Vaughn007]

Hello its a difficult position u find your self in. You not the only guy who feel this way i myself don't want to be a woman but i don't like having a penis had would have it removed if i could i don't want a vigina but its not possible all i am saying you not alone

[gettinthere]

I've been struggling for most of my life for multiple reasons. The first was my sexuality, which I've already accepted and come out to everyone with (I had a lot of help with that here, so thanks). What I've never told anyone is that I also have issues with my gender identity. I'm confused as hell about it still and it just feels wrong for me to feel that way still. I've always felt like I was a woman in a man's body, but I'm not comfortable with expressing that at all. I look and act (mostly) like a man in public because that's the "normal" thing to do, but I just don't always feel that within. At the same time, being born male makes me want to be more "manly" because yet again it's the "normal and right" thing to do. I'm also confused because even though I feel female inside, I have too many male mannerisms that come naturally to me. It makes me wonder if I'm really feeling what I think I'm feeling. In essence, I want to be a man, but I feel like a woman and also want to be who I really am on the inside. I honestly don't know who I am or who I really want to be. I am so messed up...

Now I know a lot of people with gender identity issues will work out transitioning into the opposite gender. I don't feel comfortable with that at all, either. Forgive me if I'm being insensitive, but I'd see myself as a complete freak that way. I just don't see that as actually being female. So what am I left with? I pretty much get to continue hating who I am, no matter where I go with this. I'd rather just stay where I am so only I can judge myself and beat myself up about it. I don't even want to tell anyone how I feel, much less show them. Haven't I gone far enough with this with my sexuality as it is?

I also feel terrible for another reason. It wasn't recently, but I once refused to date someone purely for the fact that they were transsexual and had transitioned. As I stated above, I saw it as a freak thing, even if I battle with the same feelings. I still feel awful about that and I wish I could take it back. I really just feel like I'm an insensitive asshole who hates myself and everyone like me. What's wrong with me?

I have the appearance,mannerisms of a male,BUT feel like a woman on the inside,I thought that I was the only one.....so I guess you're not alone!

[nu2this]

I've been struggling for most of my life for multiple reasons. The first was my sexuality, which I've already accepted and come out to everyone with (I had a lot of help with that here, so thanks). What I've never told anyone is that I also have issues with my gender identity. I'm confused as hell about it still and it just feels wrong for me to feel that way still. I've always felt like I was a woman in a man's body, but I'm not comfortable with expressing that at all. I look and act (mostly) like a man in public because that's the "normal" thing to do, but I just don't always feel that within. At the same time, being born male makes me want to be more "manly" because yet again it's the "normal and right" thing to do. I'm also confused because even though I feel female inside, I have too many male mannerisms that come naturally to me. It makes me wonder if I'm really feeling what I think I'm feeling. In essence, I want to be a man, but I feel like a woman and also want to be who I really am on the inside. I honestly don't know who I am or who I really want to be. I am so messed up...

Now I know a lot of people with gender identity issues will work out transitioning into the opposite gender. I don't feel comfortable with that at all, either. Forgive me if I'm being insensitive, but I'd see myself as a complete freak that way. I just don't see that as actually being female. So what am I left with? I pretty much get to continue hating who I am, no matter where I go with this. I'd rather just stay where I am so only I can judge myself and beat myself up about it. I don't even want to tell anyone how I feel, much less show them. Haven't I gone far enough with this with my sexuality as it is?

I also feel terrible for another reason. It wasn't recently, but I once refused to date someone purely for the fact that they were transsexual and had transitioned. As I stated above, I saw it as a freak thing, even if I battle with the same feelings. I still feel awful about that and I wish I could take it back. I really just feel like I'm an insensitive asshole who hates myself and everyone like me. What's wrong with me?

years back my Dad had a high school friend who he and my stepmom reaquainted with at a reunion, later my Dad found out his friend had the same issue, ended up changing to female, (the guy was an intelligent, well mannered guy, and the same as a woman), and he had emotional worries about it, I was surprized and happy to hear that my Dad understood, was compationate about it, My Dad is a Minister,,,,,just thought I'd share that with you, sometimes the ones you least expect might not totally agree with your decisons, but can be compassionate to understand,,I thought that was pretty damn cool and I respect my Dad even more for it.