the 44BC gift & how it came to pass that it caused the demise of the Roman Empire

[trialbyerror]

Don't quite know where to post this, so here goes.
Please refer to the gifting game for further references

The complete history of the 44BC gift & how it came to pass that it caused the demise of the Roman Empire

The gay version, researched and documented by yours truly (whilst having my morning shower)

As you all know by now, from the gifting game, the 44 B.C. gift was a spear with a shaft of different diameters along it's length, (it was a very long spear indeed), and a dagger with a handle shaped like a hammer.

As far as I can make out, one tapped the spear on each different diameter, with the handle of the hammer-dagger and each sound corresponds to a different letter of the alphabet.

Now the dude who sends the message and the dude who get’s the message each has 26 pieces of wood, each piece of wood’s tone matching a letter in the alphabet, so it’s actually quite easy an logical an all, an if the messenger is intercepted, well, who knows that he is actually carrying a secrete message.

(This whole secrete message software / hardware is my invention, just makes the whole thing more credible and easier to explain) <Your applause please> :flirty-thank-you-sm

So the messenger guy arrives at the palace, strips naked (so that the Emperor can see he isn’t carrying a weapon to assassinate him) <Actually it was all a scheme for Auntie Julius to get in a bit of perving> and hands over the spear & hammer-dagger thing.

Auntie Julius goes to his secret sound proofed de-coding room and bangs away and comes back with “Beware there are idiots in March”.

So he throws a hissy-huffy the size even Tavi doesn’t know the size of and screeches

“Idiots in March? Idiots in March? I’ve got bloody idiots all around me from January to December 24/7 what the bloody hell am I supposed to be aware of”?? :mad:

He is so incensed with rage he throws the hammer-dagger thingie at the messenger :eek: (and created the saying don’t kill me I’m only the messenger)

But fortunately, the messenger whips sideways, and the dagger barely misses him.

Unfortunately, the messenger’s very long shlong (those Italians did have uncommonly long shlongs) also whips round and the dagger cuts off the skin hanging like drapes off the front of his shlong. And he runs out of the palace into the street starkers shrieking “Eureka! Eureka! I've found it!” (Why that, is anybody’s guess)

Anyhow, long story short, the story of how his skin on the front of his shlong saved his life spread like wild-fire, and all the solders, believing this to imbue good luck (and lick) also cut the uncommonly long skins off the front of their uncommonly long shlongs.

That’s about where the world-wide development plan for the Roman’s came seriously unstuck…..

Seems that there was this "power-top" called Genghis Kahn, :eek: who suddenly got turned on by Italian meat (must have heard about their uncommonly long shlongs) and decided to swing by, Lootin, raping, pillaging and generally having a sexually hot time.

What with their uncommonly long skins all cut off and whatnot., apparently Auntie Julius's pretty twink soldiers couldn't do that much to stop Gengie, as they where all walking very funny.

Very funny indeed

Now just imagine if Auntie Julius had dug the wax out of his ear before trying to de-code the message which was ‘Beware the ides of March”.

The Italian world-wide national development plan would have gone ahead and homophobia would never have been cooked up.

Anyway, he did come to a rather "sticky" end "in-deed" as all the other queens in the senate where rather miffed with him

Aren't I just the clever one for cooking that up in about 15 minutes flat?