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10-07-2013, 04:01 AM

Hey guys-
Sorry I've been a bit distant lately. Been working a TON and getting myself into trouble.

So, here's the backstory. About nine months ago I was dating someone that I thought was the absolute real deal. Somewhere along the way an ex came back in the picture, and I got dumped. I never admitted it, but I loved him.

Fast forward to Wednesday. I was killing time on a "GPS based social networking application for the heterosexually challenged" and guessed who messaged me...him. So. Being courteous I answered and spoke to him. Long story short. We met up for drinks. And talked. And talked. And talked some more. I drove him home and we talked a little bit more.

I decided and told him that I'm going to give him a second chance. Not sure why. Probably because I still love him. But I stipulated baby steps. Just see what happens.

Am I an idiot? Thoughts?

10-07-2013, 04:10 AM

Personally I think everyone deserves a second chance, they may have changed. I'm not too sure what happened between you so I can't really say. If you feel like you can give him a second chance, it doesn't make you an idiot. If anything it means your strong enough to try again where others simply give up. Do what you feel will work best for you.

10-07-2013, 04:12 AM

Yep, you're an idiot alright!

If he dumped you like yesterdays garbage before, what makes you think he wont do it again?
If he still has the "hots" for his ex, then you are nothing more than a play toy to him.

Never give second chances to anyone who dumps you. 99.99% of the time, they will just end up using you for their own purposes/agenda. If you let them get away with it once, they will do it again. I have dealt with WAY too many people who have kept "forgiving" an ex for dumping them and then coming back and pleading forgiveness......and getting it, only to get dumped again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

ETC......

Never let yourself be used like that. Never accept that. Never take that.

On those RARE occasions that it might just be a reconnecting or a "I really fucked up" kind of thing after a long relationship.....then there will be RULES, and LOTS of them. Rules that will be adhered too and respected until *I* decide you have been worthy and I have forgiven you, and ANY deviation will be met with your ass being shoved out of the front door!

NEVER give anybody the chance to leash you, use you, and abuse you.

10-07-2013, 04:12 AM

Basically I was dumped for an ex. That lasted a whole month before he realized everything I told him.

10-07-2013, 05:05 AM

Kiss an old flame, shame shame shame.

Look he made up his mind when he left the first time. Now suddenly he thinks the grass is now greener on your side of the fence....

I just wonder how many fences there are here.

I personally would dump his azz and leave it dumped. I never - NEVER go backwards - always forwards - even if I have to burn bridges to do so.

LONDONER · 10-07-2013, 05:12 AM

Have to agree with everyone with the exception of missourigaymerr. He dumped you for an ex. and there is absolutely nothing to say that he won't be capable of doing the same again. Dump him. No "ifs", no "buts", just dump him and save yourself a lot of heartache.

jimcrackcorn · 10-07-2013, 05:18 AM

You took him back because you love him,, I can't think of a better reason for giving someone a second chance.

On the other hand,,,, our boyfriend doesn't seem to know what he wants. He left you for another man, then returned to you 30 days later. That's not a good sign. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't have left you and returned to his ex. (unless -- you gave him a reason for leaving you).

He may love you, but not be "In Love" with you. If that's the case, he may stay with you for 60 years, or he could up and leave you when he finds the one that sets his heart on fire.. (there's a country song in there somewhere)..

At any rate, I hope you two can work it out and make the relationship last.

Best wishes,
Jim

10-07-2013, 05:28 AM

Understand most of us here are not saying your an idiot. I think the majority of us know and understand the feelings and the desires to have 'that great relationship' and we hope that certain individuals can fulfill our dreams.

Those emotions are valid and 'normal' in this sort of situation. Yes you may be thinking too much with the heart than the brain, that doesn't make you an idiot, it makes you a compassionate, feeling human being.

10-07-2013, 05:41 AM

Hi Mattie
Damn Daft Duckkie clocking in.

Easy to say dump....

Finding "the one" comes along only once in a lifetime.

You live only once.. Seems to be a shame to miss that for your entire life because you are not prepared to be a little forgiving... Everyone makes mistakes, (even me)

I understand you did not declare your feelings to him? (I never admitted it but I loved him) Then surly you are also partly to blame....

Just a thought....

Yeah, I might just (in fact I know I would) smash up the other guy's face... crack a rib or two / nuts / some dental work and one really massive shot in the kidney's so that 5 years down the line he's in for a colonoscopy bag.... For f**cking around in my salad, and that would send a darn clear message all round... BE WARNED :mad:

but for a sorry from my cuddly wuddly whose morning poep :eek: I'm gonna be smelling for the rest of my life I'll let by-gon's be by-gon's

10-07-2013, 08:12 AM

G day Matt

You are not an idiot by a long shot, there is at least one person that has been involved in this discussion that has done something FAR more idiotic than what you have done...actually eclipsed what you have done.

You followed your heart, good for you...but don't forget to protect your heart, don't be too quick to give him your heart again, make sure he earns your heart and your trust. It may or may not work out, but yeah people definately deserve a second chance.