Over a year later he still calls you his husband to strangers.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So over a year has passed since you broke it off with your ex and you learn you're EX-partner is still calling you his 'husband' to strangers.

What can one do?

[Eros]

Slap that hoe on the face and tell him the truth.

[mbennet35]

I don't really know the situation but would perhaps talking to him about it work? Again I don't know the situation or what the ex is like.

I would imagine it would be hard and bother most people if there ex was doing that. I have never had that problem and never went through something like this.

[Miles]

1. Kick him out. Literally, using at least one leg. Roundhouse and/or drop kicks earn you bonus points.

2. Keep grinding until you've leveled up enough to one-shot the fucker.

3. Use his pictures to create a fake facebook page about his long-term journey in the world of gift-giving. Emphasize how he's grown spiritually with every bug chaser he's appeased. Mark Fuckerberg will ensure everyone knows all about it.

4. Reenact The Sirens of Titan by riding a spacecraft into an chrono-synclastic infundibulum, so you can anticipate and/or manipulate happenings within the fabric of spacetime to turn him into the scapegoat for the failings and arrogance of the human race and have him shamed and exiled to Saturn's moon Titan.

5.

[Waylon777]

Well, as long as this doesn't go directly to you and cause serious troubles, then it could be okay. Maybe your ex has abandonment issues or some unresolved feeling. If people keep asking you if you are still his husband, maybe it's a good idea to talk to your ex to tell him clearly that you don't want to be associated as husband at all.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

The situation is that he is still jobless and still sleeping on my couch.

The situation is that I have occasionally reminded him 'quietly' - I admit not nicely, that I am still "slightly" upset over finding out that he is a cheating, lying s.o.b., and it would be very considerate of him if he would at least stop making that annoying sound he makes - you know, breathing. If not find a job, move out of MY home. His choice.

Yesterday evening when I was preparing dinner my boss/landlord/old man that I'm care taking over (Bob) popped up with the question 'When did you and Danny get married?'

I was a bit confused and when I asked where he got that impression from I discovered that at church on Sunday people were asking about me and Danny was saying "his husband" wasn't feeling well thus wasn't at church.



Now I can understand Bob's (my boss/landlord) confusion since now apparently it is legal for gays to get married in California. So Bob was (perhaps still is) thinking that Dan and I went to court and got a legal marriage thing.

Since his Church is 'gay affirming' they most likely are also thinking that Dan and I are legally married as well now. More grist for the rumor mills.

No I did not tell Bob about Dan and I having had 'minor issues' in our relationship. Minor issues being Dan likes to play with other men - a lot - hundreds of men - and that I decided that this whole 'domestic partnership' needed to be dissolved.

Mostly because I know that when I say 'Dan and I broke up' there will come the embarrassing question 'Why did you break up?'.

[southbiochem]

:eek:

forgive my young age, utter lack of experience in relationships, and scarce knowledge on your situation other than glimps on posts here and there, but...

a lying, cheating S.O.B. without a job...living off you? :eek::eek:

Why exactly haven't you grabbed him by the neck thrown him out the door and then burned his belongings (assuming he has any)?

if you want for him to stop the nonsense of telling people that, then you need to establish a scenario were that is not believable...hence...THROW HIS ASS OUT ON THE STREET...

but, yes, I fear that the subject of why are you two no longer together will come up...

Why is it bad to expose him like the rat bastard that he is...you don't need to go on details..just go "he's a cheater" and that's it...

then again, like I said at first, the situation maybe more complicated than I know..

Anyhow, I'll give you this song called "2 legged rat" for you to dedicate to him...hope this cheers you up

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Legally, financially and materially we are still kinda, sorta connected. Until the waiting period is over for the State when it comes to the Domestic Partnership we are still 'Domestic Partners'. He still has me as his beneficiary on his insurance policies. So His death is financially a boon to me....


Other interesting stuff for instance he is my advocate in medical stuff since I have no one else to hand over such powers too (Mother is dead, father don't care - my gal-pal moved way hella up north.... meh). I guess I could just burn the Advanced Health Care directives and allow perfect strangers to decide if I stay on a machine or not.... IDK.

While I signed and filed the dissolution of Domestic Partnership, he refused to sign. I fear if I push he may take that up to the next level and contest the Dissolution - that will make it a far messier thing. Then comes the opportunity to sue for palimony and other interesting crap.

Financially, I have successfully managed to separate all of the bills and crap. We were way too entangled. Thankfully I don't do debt, I don't like borrowing (nor loaning) thus my 'shit' wasn't too bad and there were enough clear lines there to separate his 'shit' from mine... relatively easily.

As for not having a job - the unemployment percentage is still above 12.5% around these parts. I have looked at the job scene and I know his skill-set - there is a good 'logical' reason for his still being out of work.

But there is also the small fact that he is 47 - it is even harder for a guy nearly 50 to get one of these low paying type jobs which are predominately handed to 20-something year olds who are just starting their lives.

Considering that the Fed is still extending unemployment checks for people, I have to believe that there is a minor economic problem that may stymie his ability to get a job in 'reasonable' short order.

So there are 'good' solid reasons for him to have difficulty in finding a job. Be that as it may, I am not fully certain where the line between 'there are no jobs' and 'plain laziness' is since that is pretty blurry.

14 years of being with someone is not something that is readily ended. I know him too well and I know that like me he has 'issues'. He had a Career until the economy up and busted. That took a severe toll on his emotional well being. He has depression (perhaps a lot worse than he knows).

My posts may not come off as such, but I'm a very patient man (too patient at times). Considering how well past relationships went and how terribly they ended, this 14 year relationship was, in contrast, a damn good one. This breaking up 'nicely' thing is brand new territory for me.

In past relationships I have always been the one to do the final giving - basically packing a duffel bag of clothes and leaving everything else behind. I came very close to doing that in this situation... That didn't end well.

Then there is the material aspect here. The Refrigerator is 'ours' the stove is 'ours' the TV is 'ours' - a whole hella of the stuff that we gathered over the last 14 years is 'ours' and not readily divided into 'yours and mine'.

Now I do have a chain saw and have seriously considered dividing everything equally.....

Um no, selling everything and dividing the money won't work - I need a stove, an Icebox and a few other things - dividing the money does not open the door to replacing items such as these. I had kinda hoped he would get an apartment (partially furnished) and leave the stove, icebox, and other crap here.

The only clear thing here is that this place is mine because it is also my job. This has been my job for 16 years, I was the property caretaker for 15 years and change, now I am also the personal caretaker of the landlord/boss man. I was here before I met Dan, he moved in with me.

The 'temporary' arraignment was for him to continue being my roommate until he got a job and got his stuff situated. I honestly do not know where that "temporary" line should be drawn.

On one level I still hold a little love for him - Well I think that the reason why I don't slip rat poison into his meals is because I still have a little love for him..... I could be wrong.

All in all, considering my whole life as a frame of reference, those 14.5 years were not at all bad. Its not like we beat on each other, screamed and hollered or had 'serious' issues all the time. Even the couple's counselors we went to said that we had a relatively healthy and content relationship and that we were doing a lot of things 'right'.

Balancing out the good against the bad and being a gentleman here is sorta hard to do.

[southbiochem]

Thanks for sharing, that makes all the more sense:

Legally, financially and materially we are still kinda, sorta connected. Until the waiting period is over for the State when it comes to the Domestic Partnership we are still 'Domestic Partners'. He still has me as his beneficiary on his insurance policies. So His death is financially a boon to me....

Tough one there. The legal stuff can be easier once he signs those damn papers. Economically…ugh…that’s always messy. Materially…well, keeping what you need, fridge, stove and giving him the rest maybe? I don’t know.

Other interesting stuff for instance he is my advocate in medical stuff since I have no one else to hand over such powers too (Mother is dead, father don't care - my gal-pal moved way hella up north.... meh). I guess I could just burn the Advanced Health Care directives and allow perfect strangers to decide if I stay on a machine or not.... IDK.

Isn’t there a legal way for you to express your will in advance in this matters, without a third party? Forgive my lack of knowledge on the American law system.
Like, If you get connected on a machine, can you will and get it notarized, in advance (while you’re on you’re your five senses) whether to keep plugged, get unplugged, or be on life support for an amount of time and upon non-recovery, disconnect?

While I signed and filed the dissolution of Domestic Partnership, he refused to sign. I fear if I push he may take that up to the next level and contest the Dissolution - that will make it a far messier thing. Then comes the opportunity to sue for palimony and other interesting crap.

Legally speaking, how can the cheating thing help you? Is it a reason, given that you can prove it, for not getting sued for alimony and such things, or for him not being able to contest the dissolution?
He needs to sign those papers. Albeit under threat of you kicking him out if he doesn’t. However well THAT goes..

[COLOR="red"]Financially, I have successfully managed to separate all of the bills and crap. We were way too entangled. Thankfully I don't do debt, I don't like borrowing (nor loaning) thus my 'shit' wasn't too bad and there were enough clear lines there to separate his 'shit' from mine... relatively easily.
[/COLOR]
That’s extrememly good, and extremely wise on your part.

[COLOR="red"]As for not having a job - the unemployment percentage is still above 12.5% around these parts. I have looked at the job scene and I know his skill-set - there is a good 'logical' reason for his still being out of work.

But there is also the small fact that he is 47 - it is even harder for a guy nearly 50 to get one of these low paying type jobs which are predominately handed to 20-something year olds who are just starting their lives.

Considering that the Fed is still extending unemployment checks for people, I have to believe that there is a minor economic problem that may stymie his ability to get a job in 'reasonable' short order.

So there are 'good' solid reasons for him to have difficulty in finding a job. Be that as it may, I am not fully certain where the line between 'there are no jobs' and 'plain laziness' is since that is pretty blurry.
[/COLOR]

I think you know him very well to know whether he is being lazy or indeed having difficulties finding a job.
I get that the job market for older folks is not the easiest thing, but he should nevertheless be relentless in his pursuit…my dad got fired at 56 after 35 years in the same place. There was decent money compensation for the amount of years of service he had, but that only helps to a point. He got immediately in search for jobs of the “handyman” type and some soldering jobs with our neighbours, and other places…he has done fairly well.

Are there entities that can help place old people in relatively decent jobs? (nothing uber awesome I suppose, but rather something he can live off of)

[COLOR="red"]14 years of being with someone is not something that is readily ended. I know him too well and I know that like me he has 'issues'. He had a Career until the economy up and busted. That took a severe toll on his emotional well being. He has depression (perhaps a lot worse than he knows).

My posts may not come off as such, but I'm a very patient man (too patient at times). Considering how well past relationships went and how terribly they ended, this 14 year relationship was, in contrast, a damn good one. This breaking up 'nicely' thing is brand new territory for me.[/COLOR]

If he had a good support system in you, while all that shit happened, why ruin it like he did me wonders?

[COLOR="red"]In past relationships I have always been the one to do the final giving - basically packing a duffel bag of clothes and leaving everything else behind. I came very close to doing that in this situation... That didn't end well.

Then there is the material aspect here. The Refrigerator is 'ours' the stove is 'ours' the TV is 'ours' - a whole hella of the stuff that we gathered over the last 14 years is 'ours' and not readily divided into 'yours and mine'.

Now I do have a chain saw and have seriously considered dividing everything equally.....

Um no, selling everything and dividing the money won't work - I need a stove, an Icebox and a few other things - dividing the money does not open the door to replacing items such as these. I had kinda hoped he would get an apartment (partially furnished) and leave the stove, icebox, and other crap here.

The only clear thing here is that this place is mine because it is also my job. This has been my job for 16 years, I was the property caretaker for 15 years and change, now I am also the personal caretaker of the landlord/boss man. I was here before I met Dan, he moved in with me.

The 'temporary' arraignment was for him to continue being my roommate until he got a job and got his stuff situated. I honestly do not know where that "temporary" line should be drawn. [/COLOR]

Question is if you give him a few stuff, can you afford to replace them? If you can maybe it would go better…if not..ugh…..

While the material stuff can be hard, the important thing is that it’s your place. He has that over his head….you oughta think that he would be less than prone for stupidity like saying you’re husband and husband given that he owes you a lot already…
I things are over and you’re parting ways, a year seems like a fair amount of time for him to get his act together more than that, and you’ll probably have him on your back for a long time to come…just my opinion

[COLOR="red"]On one level I still hold a little love for him - Well I think that the reason why I don't slip rat poison into his meals is because I still have a little love for him..... I could be wrong.
[/COLOR]
After 14 years….understandable…and so is the fact that you still let him stay under the same roof. Feelings can’t be just shut down even on getting hurt by the guy in question

[COLOR="red"]All in all, considering my whole life as a frame of reference, those 14.5 years were not at all bad. It’s not like we beat on each other, screamed and hollered or had 'serious' issues all the time. Even the couple's counselors we went to said that we had a relatively healthy and content relationship and that we were doing a lot of things 'right'.

Balancing out the good against the bad and being a gentleman here is sorta hard to do.[/COLOR]

That’s fantastic. You can treasure the good that you had. Things, are however, over as you put it. No going back now. He did a bad and stupid thing in cheating, given how good the 2 of you were together. That has caused the relationship to end. If you are certain of this and made up your mind, at some point, he is bound and obligated to do the same and that means parting ways.
In any case I don’t know how good is he to listen reason, but in the meantime he’s due for a nice long chat about his future steps, and the fact that he is acting incredibly stupid in going around saying you 2 are married.

Anyway, bets of lucks to you master elf.

[jimcrackcorn]

Heavens-to-Betsy Bowyn, the guy still likes you. So what - if he cheated on you 150 times!!!! He still came home to you at the end of the day (or night)(smile)....

He considers you his husband. Any couple who's been together for 14 years thinks of their partner as being their "husband",,,, even after a divorce!!!. They may put an eX in front of it (ex-husband) but the husband part is still there.

Besides switching some bills around, the only major change in your living arrangement is you kicked him out of your bed and made him sleep on the couch.

Lets face it, he still wants to be with you, and deep down - you still like him and care for him.

He may never stop cheating. Some people love the thrill they get by sleeping with someone new. For them it's an intoxicating high. His cheating doesn't mean that he doesn't love you; after all those years of him cheating, he always came home to you.

The truth is in the "pudding". He never left you for one of those loose legged whores he frequented. For him, it was just sex without any love or emotional involvement..

And,,,,for Pete's sake,,,,, forgive him and let the poor man back into your life (and bedroom). I'm sure you have punished him enough by now.

Make him a nice meal, give him a kiss on the cheek, and tell him he can sleep in the bed tonight provided he promises to be faithful in the future.

Don't make me reach thru this monitor and smack you!!!!

Sincerely,
Jim