23 and have erection problems...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

In general however my erections have never really been rock hard, I do get erections but not powerful ones.

If this is the case then there may be something physical/biological going on.

One way to rule out medial issues is how hard are you when you wake up Morning wood (piss hard-on) is a good indicator of the plumbing and health 'down yonder'. if you wake up with a raging hard-on, then there is nothing wrong with the plumbing/structure/physical.

I wouldn't say I am overweight and my blood pressure is fine along with health.

And what does your doctor say???

I say I'm in perfect health all the time - my doctor(s) would slightly disagree with that assertion... Denial is normal for humans when it comes to their overall fitness and health. Males are prone to deny much harder and longer 'stuff'. So how honest is this really?

So get a real medical assessment, and don't be afraid to bring up the problem with your doctor.

Assuming you can get raging morning wood - then your 'issue' is stress related, performance anxiety, trust issues, whatever - time and practice and building a trust with your partner will 'fix' this. And he seems willing and able to understand that may be an issue and isn't putting stress on you.

Foreplay can be your friend. Watching porn together may help - teasing, touching, and other sorts of kinda sexual but not fully can lead to greater excitement.

The majority of sex takes place between the ears (in the brain) and not between the legs.

[Anonymous]

I do get that morning wood Bowyn Arrow, the only thing that I could think of was having a slightly tight foreskin and that made me wonder. Im in good condition in terms of health, quite recently had a physical and was checked down below. I am thinking it is anxiety based. Thank you for your advice. Asides from that is there anything else I could possibly do?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Tight foreskin.

hmm. There are methods to loosen that up, stretching and various tools exist. Most are pain-free but do require 'daily exercise' as it were.

Without knowing the specific of the anxiety its going to be difficult to come up with a specific solution.

"Dirty Talk". If your partner is willing and a good actor, his verbal enthusiasm for your man bits may lead to better performance, boosting your confidence. Good actor? It is really hard to be in bed and think up of new and exciting things to comment about - there is only so many ways to tell your partner he is hung like a stallion/fucks like a pro - whatever. Repetition can get tedious and starts sounding 'false' reguardless how really into your man's endowments you may really be. Moans and groans, heavy breathing, 'Oh God' tend to do the trick pretty well. So your partner has to know how to balance out 'complimentary' statements with mere noises of appreciation.

This is a two way street. I suggest finding the works of Jeff Stryker (A porn star) and not so much watch his performance but listen to it. He pulled off breathing, hitching, panting thing that conveyed a lot of arousal which affected his partner on screen (positively) leading to positive feed back in the noise-making department, which affected the audience. Jeff's Secret weapon was not the size of his tool, but how he 'romanced' his partner verbally.

Foreplay: There is a lot of erotic things one can do well before one gets their hands, mouth, arse on a penis. Ear lobes, nipples, necks, lips, belly, inner thigh... Anticipation can be our best friend.

And it is a two way street as well, both having your body explored and exploring your partners body can relax and stimulate at the same time. It builds confidence and trust and does other things at the same time.


Since you did the topping, I have to wonder do you worry about causing him harm? if so then communication should take place, he needs to remind you that yeah, at first he is going to go ouch because you are hung like a stallion and well the arse just isn't designed for that - but that regardless of the minor discomfort he really, truly wants you inside of him.

Pain happens and its part of the process, but I assure you that pain goes away soon enough and is replaced with a great deal of pleasure, satisfaction and many good feelings outside and beyond lust and pleasure (mere sex).

Top guys just don't get the whole 'I need you inside of me' notion. Many tops who have tried bottoming never have that need thus its alien for them. Thus the bottom needs to let you know that he does want and even need you inside.

Post sex just laying there still inside of him may be something he seriously desires. This pull out immediately thing and roll off may be the last thing he wants. I think porn and the money shot has lead to a generation that don't understand the laying there and coming down off that climatic high physically entwined is half the point of sex.

If your immediate words are 'Am I crushing you?' as soon as you climax, then you may be having problems in not understanding that most bottoms WANT to be pinned under their partner, its a very safe place to be - yes its hard to breath, but it feels so good.

Conversely, there are tops who 'need' to be inside of their partner. Yeah it is invasive, yeah it may seem primitive and possessive - however if you feel those things and associated emotions that go with them, then by all means express it to your partner - he is mostly likely going to respond well with you telling him you just want to lay inside of him for a while after.

Perhaps knowing that about him, and him telling you will boost confidence and make the whole experience better for you.

Communication before, during and after sex is essential.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your advice Bowyn Arrow, I am new to the subject of sex and will look at your suggestions. All i know is he is a very patient guy and I am looking forward to what the future holds. :-)

[MisterLove]

[...] I have even contemplated not masturbating as much as I have heard this can affect things.Im a bit new to this and clueless, can anybody help?

Honey don't worry, this happens to all of us (even though most men are too coward to admit it). It's perfectly normal to fail every now and then, that's not ED and it's nothing to worry about.

When I was 19, I had erection problems. Age is not a decisive factor.

An erection is a complex biological event, there are many elements involved - brain, nervous system, heart, circulatory system... If one of those pieces isn't working properly, that may block your erections.

Depression, stress, fatigue and anxiety are major erection killers. Some meds, esp. antidepressants, may also cause ED.

Anxiety is probably the #1 cause of erectile failure but, like I said, it's nothing to worry about. The infamous 'fight or flight response' is a normal biological reaction: when you're facing danger or a stressful situation (e.g. escaping a lion), adrenaline and other chemicals in your body constrict peripheral circulation and erections become impossible. The last thing you need when you're facing danger is an erection!

So, you just need to learn how to control your anxiety and I have a couple of tips for you:

a) Do a lot of research on this subject. Read books (I strongly recommend anything written by Tom F. Lue, a brilliant American urologist), talk to doctors, search the internet. The more you know about these problems, the less stressful they will be.

b) A warm shower before sex can do wonders; the hot water will relax you and dilate the blood vessels in the penis.

c) Good sleep is also essential - if you can have a nap just before sex, that would be excellent.

d) No food before sex.

e) Cigarettes and caffeine are erection killers, avoid them like the plague.

f) There's a natural supplement called SEREDYN that can be taken on demand and improves dopamine levels (which is great for sex!), you may want to check that out.

g) Whenever my performance in bed isn't so great (yes, it happens to me too!), I avoid sex for a couple of weeks; this allows me to forget about it and control my anxiety.

h) If the problem persists, go see a doctor (urologist); it's no shame to seek professional help and self medication is always a great risk. Even if this is just psychological, a doctor will be able to help you.

I hope this helps, Sweetie!

[MisterLove]

[...] I'm 26 and never have my erections been affected by masturbation....quite in fact I often have problem "calming down"..they tend to stick with me for a while..ugh..

[...]

Probably the result of an active parasympathetic nervous system.

Erections are controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system, whereas ejaculation and detumescence are controlled by the sympathetic nervous system. This is why some alpha blockers (e.g. oral phentolamine) can delay ejaculation and improve erections.

[sillyboy86]

23 ... Centimeters?

I think was only a problem of anxiety. Very, very normal!

[James]

By the way diet (what you eat) can also have an effect, the b3 vitiman in the form of niacin is a vasodilator which widen the blood vessels and increase blood flow. This increases blood flow to the extremities causing a warm tingling feeling from the neck and the ears to the torso and down to the lower torso and genital region.
Niacin is also the basis behind Viagra. Probably only us older folk would know this, James

[MisterLove]

By the way diet (what you eat) can also have an effect, the b3 vitiman in the form of niacin is a vasodilator which widen the blood vessels and increase blood flow. This increases blood flow to the extremities causing a warm tingling feeling from the neck and the ears to the torso and down to the lower torso and genital region.
Niacin is also the basis behind Viagra. Probably only us older folk would know this, James

Interesting, I had no idea. I've never read anything on niacin and ED, do you know any studies that can back it up?

A healthy diet is definitely important and a lot has been written on citrulline and erectile. Citrulin is found in watermelons but in insufficient quantities. A citrulline supplement could be effective, though.

[James]

will relook up studies on other puter, as far as food sources, meat, fish, milk and cheese, whole wheat, corn, eggs, broccoli, tomatoes,peanuts and carrots are good, Jim