Some rude jokes
Sagittarius
11-25-2013, 10:18 AM
Probably not suitable for the under 65s
Scottish Wedding:
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled..."Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
-- The bartender was almost crushed to death.
SEX:
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
Lance Armstrong:
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he's achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst he was on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig'n bike.
Drive By:
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard!!
The Agony of Aging:
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".
SCAM:
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".
Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.
Pregnant Prostitute:
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?"
"For cryin' out loud! If you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"
Scottish Wedding:
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled..."Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
-- The bartender was almost crushed to death.
SEX:
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
Lance Armstrong:
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he's achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst he was on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig'n bike.
Drive By:
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard!!
The Agony of Aging:
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".
SCAM:
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".
Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.
Pregnant Prostitute:
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?"
"For cryin' out loud! If you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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