lonely and hating it

[BellyNel]

So I've been here now for a few years now.

Since time has passed, I've sort of come out to a few more high school classmates, and a friend of a classmate who I met through our dinner. It helps that nearly all the friends I know are girls, who I think are more understanding than guys.

I'm looking at all these photos everywhere, of people and their friends, and then of boyfriends and girlfriends. And the hashtags: #friendsforever, #bff...

My point: it is sad in my world. I'm feeling lonely, VERY lonely. A hermit I'm not, but I'm more comfortable seeing the same groups of people I've known for a long time. But I can't help it if they're married, or are parents. I have a feeling we've been down this road before.

I want a BFF. Or even a close friend, or even a good friend. Someone who I can talk to about things. Is it too late to get one at the age of 29?

I also want a boyfriend... but that's asking for too much. The idea of having someone to be intimate with excites and scares me. I am afraid of rejection, in the dating world and the world in general. What if I date someone who's been around, and hates all inexperienced ones?

[MisterTinkles]

Its NEVER too late to get a friend, boyfriend, or hubby.

All my BFF's have moved to other states. I still have them when I need them, but they arent around anymore.

[matty7]

only you can break the cycle - I know its easier said than done ,,but you have a great comfort zone with you straight friends and you need to branch out or things will probably never change,, gaydars only so good if your in range and your not right now ,,,you need to get out there and meet others - straight or gay,, straight guys have gay friends and maybe you will find a guy that way too

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have to agree with our very much single (and 68 year old:eek Mr. Tinkers.... its never too late.

Relationships started around near 30 usually tend to last longer - BTW. My last realtionship ended 14 years - not so much because I settled but because the first decade of adulthood taught me a lot about acceptance and other stuff which made LTR more possible.

Since you are not in total isolation, you have a chance still.

[sillyboy86]

I want a BFF. Or even a close friend, or even a good friend. Someone who I can talk to about things. Is it too late to get one at the age of 29?

It's not too late, and maybe even someone of your 'old' friends is thinking the same of you.
Excluding love, I learned that generally it's our fault if we feel lonely, cause a lot of people feel the same, but everyone remains at home without doing 'that call' sending 'that email' or planning the spare time with others.
I'm very independent from this point of view, maybe too much, but I always told to my friends "Hey you should call me, every time you need or want to talk with me."
And it happens only sometimes, rarely, because of the society of these days.

[Woollyhats]

Why is it too late? This year, I've lost a lot of my "best friends" I had at the end of highschool (moved away/too busy to spend time with me any more), but I didn't think something was wrong with me, or that I wouldn't meet new people.

And I could have, I didn't make any friends in my programs (immediately), and don't get me started about work, I used to come home crying from some of the people there (who ended up quitting/getting fired over time, which helped my stress levels )...

But I ended up making new friends... I ended up rekindling a friendship with my childhood best friend, and I tried something new --- becoming friends with and friendzoning a guy. Which is, uh, why I have a boyfriend now.

Turning this into something that's about you --- do you get what I'm trying to say??? If you let yourself get into a cycle that says "I'm stuck this way", [I]you are.[/I] You have to keep trying different things, and pushing on with your life.

You might say, "What's the point, it might not work.

And you'd be right, it might not. The very real possibility exists that you're going to fail at making a lot of new friends, and I can't say how likely that is (it's going to happen a few times, certainly, though), but what is completely and totally factual, is that if you do nothing, and give up, you will be this way forever.

So be nice to people, and smile, and listen, and go to events that you find interesting (Example, if you're into art and old TV shows from when you were a kid, try an anime club, if you enjoy the company of other gay people, try a GSA group, etc.), volunteer, whatever. Eventually you will meet some new friends.... Today, social media helps a bit too as well, if a friend/someone you meet has Facebook, get to know them through that platform as well, you might discover more things in common that way.

Also, here are some tips for how to talk and meet people if you ever do go to a fabled "social gathering". Obviously there's no magical formula for making friends, but tips and tricks can help you to be a little more confident in yourself, which is nice to have

http://lifehacker.com/how-i-became-the-k...socialflow

[Bowyn Aerrow]

My dear boy, you are in that last fortunate stage where the next year looming ending in a 0 is a good thing.

30 is bad, 40 is bad 50 is bad 60 not so bad because retirement is closer, 70 not that important, 80 well who cares, 90, shoot that's a little surprise - 100 - Ha I outlived all my enemies....

Years ending in Zero's have a deep psychological impact, and I think OP's fear is that he is 'gay over the hill' - since he is passing from the 20's to the dreaded 30's which sadly in the shallow culture of Homoland is a 'terrible' thing only less worse than being Gay Dead (age 40 or over).

You will understand in exactly ten years... Patience.. this understanding is coming.

[southbiochem]

I agree on how annoying and crushing can be to watch everyone else accompanied....

you seem to be doing things at you're own pace and that's good..

so now...buckle up and get out there..

it's not too late to get a BBF or even a BF...

I lack it myself, but if you have the confidence to seek out there...you will get what you want...you live in one of the best possible cities for you to do this, so look up a bit...you'll find it..

it's difficutl I admit...but not impossible

[Jovial]

Not sure how inexperienced we are talking here, but if you are anything like me, hope that who ever mister right may be (whereever he may be in the world) that he will find having an "inexperienced" (subsitute as you wish here) guy will be erotic. I would be "completely his"... (and if not, then he is not worth my time)

Yes, everyone has their own pace, you will be fine if you stay positive.

[Rob]

I think we share the same history. Feeling lonely is normal, I can totally relate, just find that strength in yourself to carry on, and you have that strength or you wouldn't be here asking for advice and support. It's never too late for a true friend or a life partner, especially at our age, we're still young and resourceful. You live in a place that is full of opportunities, people, cultures: give it a chance, don't give up, we only have one life and that is for living.