There's this guy I'm going insane over, but I don't really know what to do

[Wat]

Hi, everyone! I'm new here.

Sorry in advance for the wall of text, but I digress.

So I've had a pretty substantial crush on this guy for a little over a month now. I met him here at my university. He's in the men's chorus with me, and he also lives in a different wing of the same dorm, so I see him fairly often.

First of all, I find him incredibly attractive. He has short, dark hair and the fullest, most beautiful beard. He's a little on the heavier side, though I wouldn't call him fat, but well-built, and I definitely like a little meat on guys' bones. Occasionally, I can see a nice dusting of chest hair peeking out from below the collar of his shirts, and I did once catch a glimpse of him shirtless (and was FAR from disappointed. ;D) The mere sight of him drives me crazy, and I won't lie, I find myself stealing glances at him more than I probably should.

I do like him personally, too, so it isn't just a case of the hots. He's a pretty cool guy, and we have similar personalities. He's pretty easygoing and has jokingly mentioned how he hates people (make that two of us, lol). He's smart too, studying chemistry, and I'm a sucker for a smart guy. I really do find him interesting, and definitely want to get to know him better.

The main problem I have is that I'm so bad at talking to people. I'm incredibly shy, and have a hard time really engaging in conversation until I've known people for a while. I know that that will come in time, and eventually I'll probably be able to get a lot closer to him within a little while. However, as similar as he is, he also seems a bit distant, and it seems like literally every time I attempt to go talk to him, he's either talking to someone else that he already knows or heading off to do something on his own. This makes trying to be around him a little difficult. Seriously, I've tried to ask him to join me for lunch after chorus every day this past week, and each time, he either took off back to our dorm before I had the chance, or he headed to the exact same dining hall I was headed to, only to have lunch with some other friend. I spent the meal staring longingly across the cafeteria that day.

Not only that, but I just don't know if he'd be interested in me. He IS gay, so I don't have to worry about the whole he's-straight-so-it'll-never-happen thing, but so far, this crush seems pretty one-sided. He certainly doesn't dislike me, but we definitely have a ways to go before he sees me as a closer friend (or more than that, if I'm lucky). Even though he's without a doubt exactly the type of guy I'd pursue, I don't know if I'm his. I tend to be accidentally feminine (in looks, not mannerisms). I have a round face with softer, not so masculine features, and I'm currently growing my hair out to make dreadlocks. My hair is naturally thick and wavy, so frankly, it's kind of beautiful, a bit to my chagrin. Don't get me wrong, I like my hair, but I hate how ladylike it makes me seem. I don't dress feminine, either, usually just a tee or a flannel shirt and whatever pants I grab out of my drawer first. Nothing flashy or anything. I don't carry myself in a particularly showy way either, usually rather slacker-ish almost.

I do get little flashes of hope from conversations with him. He keeps a generally friendly demeanor with me, and we have had some genuinely nice moments talking to each other. Plus, he did respond to a bit of flirting I did at a party the other night. I was a few drinks in and pretty gone, and told him his beard was sexy. He smiled and enthusiastically thanked me in response to the compliment, so it seemed to tickle him (oh my GOD his response was so cute). I don't know if he was particularly drunk or not, so he might have just been amused at my flirtatious comment, but he might have also taken it how I'd like him to.

I really do like this guy, but have no experience at all with dating. I've never had a boy/girlfriend, and usually just silently pine for guys and girls who didn't notice me the way I noticed them. Sometimes I feel like I'm a bit of a creep since I don't really know how to handle these feelings gracefully. I have a bad habit of having my eyes wander over toward him a lot when I'm around him, and I think he's caught me staring a couple times, though he doesn't seem terribly put off despite that fact. I've also done some light facebook stalking, but it's really nothing more than just looking through a few pictures and admiring him, or maybe reading a couple old posts, but I usually get bored with that, so it doesn't last long anyway. I have also followed him back to our dorm once after chorus, though to be fair, I was planning on heading back to my room anyway to get some laundry done. I just altered my route to better match his. Also, there's a table outside the little food court in our building that I usually go to so I can study in peace, and it just happens to be right outside the door to his wing of the dorms. I've been going there since before I noticed him, though, so I didn't start sitting there just on the off chance of seeing him walk by, though it sure is a nice perk.

I've talked about this a little with a close friend of mine, one of the first I ever came out to and someone I can trust with anything. She's given me a few encouraging words and also says that I've been more adorable than creepy, which is a bit of a relief. Still, this guy has me up a wall and I just need to spill my guts about it to more than just my confidant. I don't really know how to move forward with this, but definitely would like to see where this goes.

If anyone has any thoughts or advice, I would appreciate it so much.

[southbiochem]

Ok, first welcome to GS..

second....I'm going to fall into the category of the guy that preaches but not practices what he preaches..

(I kinda have the same dealings with a fellow biochemist..and since he stuides what I studies, I get to see him more often than not)

just tell him you like him...

he's gay and out, you're gay and out.... the hard part's over...

walk up to him and tell him you like him...whenever you get the chance of having a few moments with him alone.

he might have noticed it already...

sure..it just may happen that he only wants to be friends, he has someone else or any thing of the sort..but it's better to know now that to remain wondering "what if"

I know it's hard cause of how you are, I am the same, shy, introverted, etc...

if anything you can hope for the next time you'll be with a few drink in and then tell, him..

really, being the age range you are and being in college, this kind of blint approach is nothing to be afraid of..

good luck

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I would advise the opposite of what I would normally do.

My reaction is to mope about it, rant about it (in my head) and agonize over how to say 'hi' and I ultimately end up saying nothing.

So from how well that works (not), maybe try not beating yourself up and instead of waiting until the end of whatever it is you two are doing to be 'oh so close, but so far' to try to talk to him, try before?

You also appear to have an untapped resource here and it appears she is not doing her job... Your Gal-pal could be the social crowbar you need to get things done. I'm amazed she hasn't thrown up her hands, grabbed you by your ear or hair or something and drag you over and tap Mr. Studly on the shoulder and introduce you two.

How social is your gal-pal? Can she act like an ambassador? She isn't emotionally invested and has nothing to lose to walk up to him and introduce herself and get to know him sufficiently enough to then introduce you to him. Frankly I have no idea how exactly that works, my previous gal-pals automatically snuck behind my back and did the first contact thing then dragged me by my ear into a social confrontation which usually started with 'And this is David, I was telling you about him earlier......'

Networking, being introduced by a mutual acquaintance/friend takes the stress of you trying to figure out how to say 'hi'.... Might want to ask your Gal-pal if she knows how that would work and see if she is game to do what gal-pals do for their gay-guys....

I have nothing beyond that, sorry.

[Jovial]

Agree, ask him outright. No sense in tormenting yourself further as that is not healthy.

I wish you the best of luck, and a hearty Welcome to GS!

[Wat]

Thanks for the advice, and sorry I sort of dropped off the face of the planet.

I really haven't gotten the chance (or worked up the nerve) to mention anything outright, and honestly haven't seen him too much since my original post. Obviously, I wouldn't have seen him over Thanksgiving break, but this past week hasn't really led me to running into him much at all. I've seen him during chorus, but have been dog tired this week as a result of my relapsing insomnia and couldn't muster enough energy to care enough about trying to talk to him afterward. I did, however, run into him on the way back to our dorm building after chorus today and we had a brief chat. He was walking toward his section while we were speaking, so he must have been in a hurry or just didn't care to talk to me. Also, today was the last day of chorus for the semester, so unless I happen to run into him over these next couple weeks before the semester ends, I'll have to wait until mid-January to see him again. That leaves me rather disheartened and I guess I still don't know quite what to do.

Also, the problem with trying to utilize my friend in this situation is that she goes to a completely different university about two hours away. We only really get to hang out in person during breaks when both of us are home, so she isn't as big a resource as you might have thought. It probably would have helped if I had specified.

Anyway...