Funny, how dark the light of day seems…

[Jovial]

Russian Roulette: five years, I never had the luck to last until the sixth bullet; twenty-five was my smoking gun.

I am so far from myself, I’m a different person. What little remained of my being just shattered… guess I am far weaker than I originally surmised…

Depression is horrifying, this loving Reaper hangs above me like my Guardian Angel, the embrace my comfort. He is a man that wants me…

I shouldn’t be back. I’m not supposed to be back. Yet, I feel like I severed a lifeline… I fell to the floor and cried like I never have in my life. All that pent-up frustration, depression, stress and those feelings of worthlessness came crashing down. I sat in the corner the rest of the night.

I fought coming back as much as I did leaving, but weakness won out, it always does now. I shouldn’t be back. Part of me doesn’t want this… I have no place in existence… I’m sorry.

[sillyboy86]

I don't find my place too, cause there's no place, but after all I learned how to stay strong. Being weak.
Here is a good place.
Welcome back.

[Ekwarph]

Russian Roulette: five years, I never had the luck to last until the sixth bullet; twenty-five was my smoking gun.

I am so far from myself, I’m a different person. What little remained of my being just shattered… guess I am far weaker than I originally surmised…

Depression is horrifying, this loving Reaper hangs above me like my Guardian Angel, the embrace my comfort. He is a man that wants me…

I shouldn’t be back. I’m not supposed to be back. Yet, I feel like I severed a lifeline… I fell to the floor and cried like I never have in my life. All that pent-up frustration, depression, stress and those feelings of worthlessness came crashing down. I sat in the corner the rest of the night.

I fought coming back as much as I did leaving, but weakness won out, it always does now. I shouldn’t be back. Part of me doesn’t want this… I have no place in existence… I’m sorry.

I'm glad you came back, but I'm overall sorry to read that. :/
Please take care of yourself. You're obviously not going well, try to get help and support as much as you can. Don't try to get better by yourself.

Good luck. I hope you'll get better.

[Joshular]

:S
I dont have much to say.

Don't go.
Depression is not uncommon if you feel depressed please talk to a professional.

[Miles]

Please stick around. You're not alone.

[southbiochem]

those feelings of worthlessness

You would like to think that...

that you're weak, powerless, and worthless...

it would make it all easier...wouldn't it?

you're not...way far from it if you ask me....and that's all I have to say..

we all have our battles to fight and this is yours..

stick arround, not on the fact that you owe us anything but on the fact that you have a willing and ever ready support system here that can be of assitance in such battle..

[Evan88]

Always take care of yourself Jovial, we are here..

In my life, the most beautiful people ive known are those who have known trials, defeat, struggles and have find their way out.. You can as well

[MisterTinkles]

Been there, bashed those demons in the head......came out a Super Bitch!



You can too!

Plenty of us have been there, just talk to us!!!!

[Sylph]

Been there, bashed those demons in the head......came out a Super Bitch!



You can too!

Plenty of us have been there, just talk to us!!!!

Can't agree any more!

Bullshit gurl, thats all it is. Sweep it up, flush it down, cause shit stinks and there's no air freshner that can conceal it.

No matter how bad it stinks and you don't wanna deal with it, you gotta flush it.

Take control of the handle that is your life and flush bullshit down the toilet of your past.

Sitting in your shit will only make you stink.

No body is perfect, everyone has a past, everyone has troubles, hurts, desires, regrets, but its up to you how and if you choose to make better out of your situation.

Head up, chest out gurl! Wind at your back and a bright future in Vanguard!

[Woollyhats]

Hey Jovial, your poems strike me as powerful, I wonder at the mind behind them.

You need to know that the depression you're feeling is something you can talk about -- it might not be helpful to know that I, or anyone else, understands how you feel or have experiences like your own, but talking your feelings out does give you some power in grappling with them.

Also know that you can't give up --- you need to keep making goals and fighting for a life you want. No matter where you're starting from, no matter if that means confronting abuse, recovering from homelessness, losing family members, getting a new job, realizing that you need to settle on a different career, whatever the problem(s), your absolute best bet of dealing with them is to have hope, and then doing something with that hope.

And those elements are symbiotic, when you have hope, you have motivation, and when you have motivation you can have small victories, and then believe you can accomplish more.

So to have hope, work on making yourself believe you're a better person. Read inspiring stories, listen to uplifting music, educate yourself on how to be the best person you can be. Place yourself into an environment that makes it as easy to love yourself as possible, so you don't have to work quite as hard.

For starters, maybe go and look at the thread MisterTinkles made for you.

And even though it's taking away from us at gayspeak loving you, this wall paper would like a word.