Help me relax...

[GordShumALF]

Hey guys, so I was searching the web for advice and thats ultimately how I came across this site.

I'm going to type all of this out in the hopes that some wise, sensible posters can help me out and maybe help me understand some of this... or tell me that I'm just being wacky about all of it and I just need to calm down and let it be what it will be.

Here's the deal:

October 2013 - He messaged me on an online dating site and we began to chat. Ultimately we decided to meet up and have dinner. We each ended up cancelling/re-scheduling - ultimately trying four times to get together.

November 2013 - After a month of talking and trying to get together we finally meet and go for dinner! I am completely smitten. He's absolutely beautiful, an adorable personality, great sense of humor and easy to talk to. We have very similar jobs and this first date was a success!

December 2013 - We see each other a few more times, and *finally* the day after Christmas we work up the nerve to kiss for the first time.

January 2014 - We're still seeing each other, not every week.. but on a pretty regular/steady basis and things are progressing. We communicate *every* day, a few times a day (ex: "Good morning!" "How's your day/night going?" little pet names like cutie & sexy are thrown in pretty often) A couple times now, I've noticed that he has mentioned things in conversation that alluded to us doing things together in the future (Ex: "You've never been to a concert? we'll have to change that!).

Last week, I came to the realization that I really him, and I decided to call him and ask him what we were doing. When I called him he said that he had been wondering the same thing and that he was hoping this would develop into a relationship but he was worried about rushing things along because of his experience with previous relationships; I totally agreed with him and was *thrilled* that he was interested. During that same conversation he told me that his best friend had been expressing an interest in meeting me and invited me to hang out and meet some of his friends. I met them this past friday night and things went pretty well. At one point his best friend and I were having a conversation and she said to me "If you're going to be a part of his life, I really wanted to meet and get to know you." A good sign, I thought.

Also - we have *NOT* gone all the way.

That's pretty much where I'm at right now.

My questions:

1. Is it to soon to ask if we should stop seeing/talking to other people? I know I've already started NOT talking to other people. I wasn't planning on having this conversation right away, but I was going to give it a few more weeks. I know if he were to ask me; I'd say it was fine and I would be concentrate solely on our relationship.

2. Taking it slow - does this mean we should just continue what we're doing? Thats fine, but for how long? Someone told me that I should wait six months... that seems like an enternity.
I know I'm definitely interested, but after having the first talk about what we're "doing", I don't want to bring anything "serious" up to soon.

3. Do things seem to be headed in the right direction? What about the speed? We're just entering our third month of actually going out on dates.

Input?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Congradulation!

Feels great to be in Love doesn't it :-)

Your doing everything right so far. When your both *ready* to go further you will know when the time is right.

Don't talk about exclusivity just yet, continue to build the relationship socially. Meet his friends, and importantly, if your ready, introduce him to some of yours.

If your out to your family, take the opportunity to introduce him to yours at some social event or other....

Small steps, take correctly, can lead to a lifetime of memories :-)

ObW
X

[southbiochem]

1. Is it to soon to ask if we should stop seeing/talking to other people? I know I've already started NOT talking to other people. I wasn't planning on having this conversation right away, but I was going to give it a few more weeks. I know if he were to ask me; I'd say it was fine and I would be concentrate solely on our relationship.

I don't know about asking, but you can throw it in there sometime..you can tell him "I am not seeing other people because I'm really interested in you" and then see what he has to say about it, that way you woulñdn't be asking anything which I bet is les awkward

2. Taking it slow - does this mean we should just continue what we're doing? Thats fine, but for how long? Someone told me that I should wait six months... that seems like an enternity.
I know I'm definitely interested, but after having the first talk about what we're "doing", I don't want to bring anything "serious" up to soon.

You both need to be in the same place. Usually, I think, nevermind the amount of time, there is a point where you both know it's right..although if you ask me, meeting his friends like this is a pretty good sign of how serious he is about you.

keep dating him, see each other more, you can say to him "I really like you" every now and then, study how he replies or acts about that. This won't go indefinitely, I assure you, at some point, you'll be closer I bet

3. Do things seem to be headed in the right direction? What about the speed? We're just entering our third month of actually going out on dates.

3 months is a good amount of time, you are definitely not going to fast and neither is he..

you can up the game from here, see him more..

I think you 2 are going definitely in the right direction as you are both pretty conscious of time and your needs, it would seem

[GordShumALF]

Thank you guys... this is all so frustrating, but like I've said, I like him a great deal and I sincerely hope that things work out, and this will all have been worth all of my worrying.

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

- E

[Justinintendo]

sounds too good to be true honestly...but that's just my cynical talking

Keep going as you are...it sounds like you're doing just fine

[MisterTinkles]

Sounds like the kind of stuff you should be talking to him about.

He is the only one who can really answer these questions for you.

[GordShumALF]

So I've decided that I'm going to try and meet up with him today just to let him know how I'm feeling about him & the whole situation. It could all come crashing down or ... ?

Is this a stupid idea?

[driftwood]

Definitely not a stupid idea. You're on the right track.

3 months is a good amount of time, you are definitely not going to fast and neither is he..

I agree with that sentiment, and I also think that anytime you feel comfortable speeding things up a little, it would be fine. It sounds like he is on board with you.

[marshlander]

Sounds like you're planning a sales campaign! Just tell him you have got to a stage where you no longer wish to see anyone but him. Life's too short to bugger about.

[GordShumALF]

Thanks guys... and thanks for the laugh Marshlander. :-)