This is bothering me and I don't know why.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I was on disability for a short time in the 1990's. It was horrifically painful, not the medical condition that landed me on disability for 18 months, but being on disability and having to answer the question 'what do you do?' with 'I'm on disability'.

I strongly suspect that half if not all of the collection thing here is about identity of the collector.

I bet when he is asked 'What do you do?' he responds immediately 'I am a collector' and then proceeds to bore the person to tears over all of the details of vacuum cleaners he has learned.

Why? he is on disability, and he already knows he will be thought less than anyone else simply because he isn't a "contributing member of society". We live in a society that determines who and what you are as a person by what it is you 'do'.

I think approaching it as a business/budget sort of thing, from the angle of 'lets look at our finances and budget would not make this a personal attack on the guy. Especially if a reasonable amount of funds can be budgeted to accommodate this collecting.

And I think that the OP needs to look at this as a long term investment (which it has a lot of potential to be if handled correctly) and not as a way to kill the hours waiting for a cure or a kill from whatever ails the partner.

[BobInTampa]

this is actually a VERY simple problem to solve.

First, on a piece of paper, list all your monthly expenses, line-by-line.

Then, call your BF over and say, "hey honey, i got the message today from your friend about you wanting a new vacuum for valentines day...can you please take a look at our expenses and tell me which bill should go unpaid so i can buy that for you?"

Then, you can also say, "If we sell these 2 vacuums, we can afford the new one - or you can pick which ones you want to sell so we can afford the new one."

You see, since he dons't work and YOU take care of all the finances, he dosn't have to deal with the stress and pressure that comes with paying bills. He needs to experience that process so he can understand what happens everry month.

[Letmar]

Communication is the key! -how cliche I KNOW!

When it comes to money things have to be always clear!

My better half and I both have separate personal accounts (pay check comes in, petrol goes out and that sort of thing) then we also have a shared account from which ALL shared expenses come out from.

Its pretty handy and it helps keeping finances clear.