Unsure about my orientation and having feelings for a man for the first time.

[Anonymous]

I’m 19 years old guy. I m not sure about my orientation and also I've problem I would like to tell you about. I think I’m in love with this male. It seems so crazy to me, yet it’s true. I don't even know how to start. My father owns a small firm and there’s a security guard there who’s driving me crazy. Almost every day I come to visit my dad at his work and every day I see this man. I don’t know what’s going on with me. All my life I thought I was straight , but when I see him, everything changes. He’s so handsome, strong, athletic man. I'm trembling every time he lets me into the building and says hello. Sometimes, when he's passing by, I feel his scent and I’m really getting hard. I guess I usually annoy him by going in and out several times to smoke, that’s the only way how I can get his attention. He has to guard the door, so he doesn't like it very much. My heart just jumps out of my chest every time he as much as looks at me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve never been into guys before, but this is something different. I know that probably he’s not into guys, because he’s so manful yet I cannot get over him. I’ve tried not to think about him, but every evening before going to bed it all comes back into my mind. I even masturbate, thinking about how could we make love.
Does that mean I’m gay? Or maybe bi? I barely talk to him and the only feelings that he has shown towards me is politeness and respect, as I'm the son of his boss. I’m kind of spontaneous person and sometimes I have urge to go up to him and just tell him everything or give him a letter with my feelings and then never show my face in my dad's job again. What should I do?

[Wade]

Are you gay, bi, a hippopotamus? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. Here's a secret though... none of those things are real. What came first, same sex attraction, or the labels? The labels are created to understand the attraction part.... so don't fret about it.

Either way, you're sitting on a helluva gay, coming of age, forbidden love, erotic short story. So let me know when it's finished.

Also:

"I know that probably he’s not into guys, because he’s so manful"

...what?