Sexually and Emotionally Frustrated

[Anonymous]

Yup, I am both sexually and emotionally frustrated.

Bright side: I'm alright as far as looks go, some even find me really cute/attractive.

Down side: let's see, A. most gay men, even if they do find me attractive, tend to not approach me because they think I'm straight, and B. I never seem to find an appropriate setting to approach people in.

I found out that there is a queer students' club, but it kind of feels like a downer having to resort to that for support, it seems like I'm the only gay guy around here who can't make his sexuality work in sync with his life :confused:

[Pix]

They're probably other gays who make it work for them, but you think they're straight just as others think you are. It might be why joining a gay group is a good idea, it might surprise you who's also a member (or who, upon finding out you're gay, approaches you).

[EvenOlderButWiser]

most gay men, even if they do find me attractive, tend to not approach me because they think I'm straight

This is more common than you may think.

Just because you may be gay, doesn't mean you fit into the stereotypical view of what a gay man may look like. And lets face it, most actually straight gay men have turned very metrosexual anyway!

Im a very "straight" gay guy. No one ever, EVER, questions my sexuality, and whenever I've said anything about it most people are very surprised. (20 years military, 2 grown up kids etc. you get the picture LoL)

This has a downside (and when I was younger I considered it a curse!) Most gay man think Im straight, which made it incredible difficult to date when I was much younger. I always had to make the first move which was very intimidating.

By joining an LGBT group, or going to a gay club or bar or whatever, at least you are making a statement that even if your not carrying your handbag and using the ladies restrooms (God I have guys who do that LoL) you are at least gay friendly which will in turn encourage other gay guys to approach you and strike up a conversation.

BTW, not sure how others feel about your the use of the word "Queer" in the contact your using it, but personally I find it rather offensive as its usually considered a derogatory term, at least in the UK.

Good Luck!

ObW
X

[Anonymous]

I'm not the OP of this thread, but I relate to the whole "other gay guys think I'm straight" thing. So, to piggy-back off of OP's post:

Do you guys think it's tacky to where some type of rainbow flag/pride paraphernalia once in a while to get the message out?

[justbry87]

To the orig post..

The LGBTQ group doesn't sound bad, I mean if you don't find a date
you could at least make a few friends, and you never know, they might
know other gay guys and things happen, lol

There isn't much for LGBTQ here where I live unless your into the gay club
scene. So I don't really see or get to be around LGBTQ people on a regular
basis, but I still believe that you can still meet guys outside of a club setting
and it's probably better that way.

As for the other Anonymous question/post.

If you're out and proud, I don't see why you can't wear Pride stuff, but
I don't think you need a sign on yourself to tell the whole world of your
gayness. Just be yourself, and I'm sure people will 'get it'.

lol, I do wear a rainbow belt though.. but that's because I'm Rainbow Brites
cousin.

[Miles]

BTW, not sure how others feel about your the use of the word "Queer" in the contact your using it, but personally I find it rather offensive as its usually considered a derogatory term, at least in the UK.

"Queer" is a strange case; at least here in the States calling someone a "queer" is most certainly derogatory and meant as an insult, but I know gay folks will sometimes call each other that as a joke. Also, in a sense it's been "taken back" by the community to be used as a synonym for LGBT (and often included at the end to make LGBTQ, where the Q can mean either queer or questioning); as a result, phrases like "queer issues", "queer studies", "queer theory" (a field of post-structuralist theory), and "queercore" (a "queer" offshoot of punk music and ethos) are fairly common and not meant to be derogatory. It really depends on the context. I'm guessing the OP meant it in this latter context.

To the OP: I think checking out the students club would be a good idea, because as the others said there's probably more guys in your situation than you think. And even if it's not your cup of tea, you'll have put yourself out there. If nothing else, you might make a few friends who understand where you're coming from. It could make you more confident in yourself and your gayness, which will make you a valuable asset when we are finally ready to rise up and carry out the Gay Agenda.

To Anon #2: I don't think that's tacky at all, I see pride bumperstickers, keychains, wristbands etc quite often on my campus. Go for it. It might make someone who was afraid to let their ghey flag fly feel like they have an ally.

[BobInTampa]

Ok, Anonymous, perhaps the fact that you posted on here as Anonymous says more about your situation than looking "too str8 to be gay" or having no place to meet gay men.

Could it be you like being Anonymous and this post is more about questioning really "being out?"

I mean, you can create a profile and name that will still keep your true identity a secret - but instead, you chose to select: Anonymous.

Look, i'm not sure how long you've been out but here's a free tip - and it harkens back to a great stand-up bit by the late Sam Kinneson when he was discussing all the fund raising to feed starving people in Africa. He said, "I know how to solve the hunger problem - GO WHERE THE FOOD IS!"

So, you want to meet gay folks? GO WHERE THE GAYS ARE!

Unless, of course, you want to remain Anonymous!

[nu2this]

This is more common than you may think.

Just because you may be gay, doesn't mean you fit into the stereotypical view of what a gay man may look like. And lets face it, most actually straight gay men have turned very metrosexual anyway!

Im a very "straight" gay guy. No one ever, EVER, questions my sexuality, and whenever I've said anything about it most people are very surprised. (20 years military, 2 grown up kids etc. you get the picture LoL)

This has a downside (and when I was younger I considered it a curse!) Most gay man think Im straight, which made it incredible difficult to date when I was much younger. I always had to make the first move which was very intimidating.

By joining an LGBT group, or going to a gay club or bar or whatever, at least you are making a statement that even if your not carrying your handbag and using the ladies restrooms (God I have guys who do that LoL) you are at least gay friendly which will in turn encourage other gay guys to approach you and strike up a conversation.

BTW, not sure how others feel about your the use of the word "Queer" in the contact your using it, but personally I find it rather offensive as its usually considered a derogatory term, at least in the UK.

Good Luck!

ObW
X

I agree, the term "Queer" is kinda a rough word

[Anonymous]

BTW, not sure how others feel about your the use of the word "Queer" in the contact your using it, but personally I find it rather offensive as its usually considered a derogatory term, at least in the UK.

The term "queer" can be very offensive depending on the context. However, in this context it is meant to be used as a simple term under which all people who have non-hetero-normative preferences fall under. For example, some pansexual people take offense at the fact that their letter isn't included in "LGBTQ". And that actually is the name of the organisation, it is literally called the "Queer Students' Organization".

[princealbertofb]

Sexually and emotionally frustrated, you say. But do you know what you are looking for? Is it romance? Is it sex? Is it both wrapped up in a neat package? It's always hard finding the right person to settle with, I guess, especially when you're not really out and you're not exactly putting out the signals that say you're one) interested, two) available. Maybe it will take being a little less closeted and a little more honest about what your interests are so that people can 'read' you a bit better. It takes courage, indeed, depending on what sort of social context you live in, but it's worth it in the end.
How do you react, in fact, when someone compliments you on your looks? Do you shy away, or do you try to tease and taunt? Do you engage in flirting? All it would take would be for you to take it one step further. But are you ready to take that step? All it really takes is for you to flip that switch in your head, and change your mindset to : I'm gay and I deserve to find a good partner.
Good luck with your search.