Body Hair/Self-Image Issues

[Anonymous]

Body Hair Issues

Hey Everyone,

Body hair is something that causes me a lot of grief and issues. The main two are over self-esteem and problems with my gender identity:

1) my gender identity has always been in a bit of a shaky place. Sometimes I feel like there really is a strong female part of me that contributes to my personality and other times I feel like there's a strong male side as well. Somedays I'm content being male, while others I feel like I'm a female stuck in a male's body. Like even my closest friends sometimes refer to me as the lady of the group, which I actually don't mind being called because I do identify with that female side. But anyway, I'll get more towards the focus of the post. I often times do feel very, very uncomfortable in my skin. I even look to my genitalia and I'm like, I wish that wasn't there. And then when I comes to the body hair, I absolutely HATE IT. My mom doesn't understand because she's like, oh guys are supposed to have hair, it's normal. But I try to tell, what if you had it, as a woman, wouldn't you want to get rid of it? And she just dismisses it and tells me that I shouldn't be worried about it. I shave and wax and everything in order to make myself feel better. As I'll say in 2, part of it is my worries about how others will perceive it, but deep down it really just bothers me and makes my own self-esteem go down because I view it as being unattractive on my body.

2) I'm also worried that guys won't find me attractive as well. I'm fairly tall, thin, and in pretty good shape, but I get scared. I am a bottom and I'm afraid that tops will find me repulsive. Maybe it's because of the whole mental image of a bottom twink that I have in my head.

And an interesting note, I do actually like hairy guys, so I don't really understand why I hate it on myself so much when I like it on others.

I'm not really too sure what I'm trying to get out of this post other than just like, some help trying to get me to realize it's okay.

Thanks!

[HumbleTangerine]

You should probably look more into the whole gender dysphoria thing, you sound like you might be happier as a female. It's certainly a very complex decision, but you should at least think about some of your options.

Second of all, you really need to try not to worry about the hair. I can't speak for all gay men, but the impression I've gotten is that

1: A lot of people prefer their partners to be completely shaved.
2: Some people prefer their partners hairy.
3: The vast majority are fine with anything from completely shaved - at least reasonably trimmed.

It's true that most people SEEM to find lots of body hair unattractive. Nobody, except for a small group of very shallow and therefore unwanted, would find you repulsive for having body hair though. Shave and wax as much as you'd like, but keep in mind that you won't be found unattractive unless you it gets really out of control. Even then, some people are still going to appreciate it.

In the end, it's a decision you have to make. A lot of women who choose not to shave their legs or armpits know that a lot of men will find it unattractive. They care more about being fine with themselves than pleasing others and know that they don't have to model themselves after "what most people find attractive".

[Anonymous]

You should probably look more into the whole gender dysphoria thing, you sound like you might be happier as a female. It's certainly a very complex decision, but you should at least think about some of your options.

Second of all, you really need to try not to worry about the hair. I can't speak for all gay men, but the impression I've gotten is that

1: A lot of people prefer their partners to be completely shaved.
2: Some people prefer their partners hairy.
3: The vast majority are fine with anything from completely shaved - at least reasonably trimmed.

It's true that most people SEEM to find lots of body hair unattractive. Nobody, except for a small group of very shallow and therefore unwanted, would find you repulsive for having body hair though. Shave and wax as much as you'd like, but keep in mind that you won't be found unattractive unless you it gets really out of control. Even then, some people are still going to appreciate it.

In the end, it's a decision you have to make. A lot of women who choose not to shave their legs or armpits know that a lot of men will find it unattractive. They care more about being fine with themselves than pleasing others and know that they don't have to model themselves after "what most people find attractive".

Thank you for your response! I appreciate that and a lot of what you said makes a lot of sense.

You're right, I just need to explore myself more and see what makes me comfortable and what makes me uncomfortable. I struggle with trying to love myself, even though I realize it's hard to love others if I can't love me.

So thanks again

[Woollyhats]

I agree with Humbletangerine completely.

A slightly different perspective to realize...

Women and men both actually have body hair. Women tend to shave it off and not talk about it, but having the hair alone is neither male or female, so don't worry about its impact on gender identity.

In the end, it is up to you to keep or loose the hair. If you do, no need to make a big deal about it -- shaving one's own hair is normal for both men and women these days.

It may also help your self esteem if you take this decision and own it. Rather than saying, "I feel like a women sometimes so I'm going to shave", or, "I look like a twink and they have no hair...", make it more: "I am shaving/waxing my hair today because this is a look I enjoy and want to try.".

Making the decision your own will help you with feeling comfortable about it and proud of it.

I hope you know though, that with or without hair, you're still a wonderful person. I hope you continue to experiment with what you like and dislike in regards to how you look.

[MisterTinkles]

Supposedly a lot of older guys like hairless younger guys.

I prefer older and hairy myself.

I was seeing this guy one time, who was cute and very hairy, but he kept himself shaved because he hated having hair on his body. Although I preferred hairy guys, I liked him for his personality, so it really did not matter to me.

I would say, that if someone is going to be so vain, shallow, and plastic as to like you because of your hair/hairless status, then they are not someone that needs to be in your life.

If you find someone who likes you, for you, then they wont care about your "hair status".

I dont know how old you are, but there are many, MANY ways to take care of hair you dont want--

Plucking
Shaving
Waxing
Electrolysis
Laser Removal
Hormone Therapy

I would start with electrolysis. It kills the hair root where it never grows back (or so Im told).
There are home, self-electrolysis kits you can buy. I would suggest you research these to see which brand would work best for you.

If you do buy one, select a small "test" area on your body (maybe a one inch patch), and use the electrolysis device there. Wait a week or two and see if the hair grows back. If not, then you can go after any other hair you dont want.

Electrolysis takes time and patience, as you are dealing with one hair at a time. So dont get frustrated if you try this.....just do a little bit every day and pretty soon, you wont have to shave anymore.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I apologize beforehand for the crudeness of my post, however there are times when certain vulgar notions needs to be explored.....

My last ex was a total bottom, very hairy and totally fuckable. There is at least 120 guys during that 14 year relationship that would totally agree that body hair on a bottom ain't a bad thing. He had and still has no problem finding guys to top him.

And he is a hairy fucker too - It would require yard tools to remove his body hair, you know weed whacker, lawn mower, axe, machete.... Seriously hairy.

I think your transferring what YOU think about body hair onto what people think about body hair. Part of it is our sick society that insists that people need to shave their body hair. Body hair is natural part of being human, both male and female are endowed with it. Children are hairless.

Think about that. Children have no body hair, so when adults insist one removing body hair what are they really saying???? Hmmm. Either Freud or Jung would have much to say on this no doubt.

This gender thing is most likely the real underlying issue, and you need to see a therapist and see if you are one of the T's of LGBT (Transgender, Transsexual - etc).

Let's assume for a moment that you ain't one of the T's....

All guys got a little woman in them, all gals have a little man in them. Its sort of like the ying/yang symbol where each side has a dot of the other side in it.

There are days I feel pretty - oh so pretty - feeling pretty, and witty, and wise..... LOL And days when I'm all hairy (but woefully hairless naturally), knuckle dragging pure male... to a certain degree everyone has this sort of 'extreme' gender identity depending on situations, where their hormones are (we all cycle up and down the hormone balance), who they are with, etc.

Finding a balance of our genders inside of us isn't always easy, especially in a sick, twisted world that sees things as black and white and insists on hard rules applied to genders. You know little boys ain't allowed easy bake ovens, but forget that a majority of world class chefs are male.... Genderfication is a sickness that often denies realities. Society has these stupid and often totally wrong rules about what man and woman is about. Women ain't allowed to work on cars, hunt, work with tools - if they do they are a 'bull-dyke' which I guess is a bad thing if you are woman who knows how to use a hammer.

Role in Bed meaning you are X Gender:

I think being a bottom may have you hung up on what it is to be a guy since we all make the assumption that being penetrated is the woman's job. Again society talks about male dominance and female submissiveness and never takes into consideration Alpha Women and Beta Men....

Yes to a degree a majority of top guys are more masculine than their more effeminate bottoms. And yes being a bottom means you most likely have the more passive/submissive mind set on all issues in and out of bed. However identifying that as a gender is a mistake based on a bi-gendered species that has a majority of its members playing out various roles based on what is or is not between their legs.

Women have been fighting these gender roles and carving out a niche in 'equality' demonstrating that just because they lack a penis doesn't mean they can't kick ass and take names as well as a man, or do neurosurgery, or work on cars, or actually top a man in bed....

So you need a therapist, an impartial third person who can sit there and listen your your 'rules' and try to shed light on those 'rules' you have about what being X gender is and tell you if its true/false and if it has any real bearing on gender.

Hating your penis. Are you certain that this doesn't have more to do what you imagine a bottom is supposed to do and not genders?

Each top I have been with has really liked my penis - especially when my penis is all hard and agonized over what they are doing to me. It tells the top 'hey I really, really, really like what you are doing to me.' Understand a top gay guy is wanting to fuck something with a penis not a woman. If it was all about anal play only they could find a woman to do that with.

So if you really are a woman in a man's body, then you need to consider that you actually should be with a guy who doesn't like penis on his bed partner.

If you are one of the T's then you need to get a professional to agree with you and thus validate what you suspect. Having that validation will undoubtedly make a lot of this emotionally easier to deal with.

Furthermore, you need to know if you are Transgender or Transsexual - and you need to work on that a bit to decide if you want/need to pursue it to its final ultimate goal.

I think body hair is a symbol for you, and not really a real issue. It is the 'battle' you choose to fight as symbolic of what you are feeling inside and not really the problem.

[CellarDweller]

I can't speak about feeling like a female. I've never wanted to be a female.

As for hairy, I'm very hairy and never had a guy tell me it's a turn off. I love a hairy guy, feeling his hair on his chest or legs.

[ZipZapZop]

I'm a top and I love hair.

[Vigarde]

I can't speak about feeling like a female. I've never wanted to be a female.

As for hairy, I'm very hairy and never had a guy tell me it's a turn off. I love a hairy guy, feeling his hair on his chest or legs.

I sometimes find arm and leg hair to be quite the turn on. And I loooove a guy with hair on his stomach/chest--being able to lightly run my fingers through it while I'm cuddled with my head on his chest or if I'm laying up behind him with my arm wrapped around him. I think body hair can be extremely sexy.

There are a lot of guys, though, the find shaved/hairless guys way more attractive than guys with body hair, and that's fine too. Everybody has their own opinion. That's the beauty of opinions--you don't have to share the opinion of somebody else. If somebody doesn't like you how you are, then that's their problem. Not yours. You should never have to apologize for being you.