Utterly Clueless

[sesfm]

Hey everyone,

A quick introduction first, since I just joined. I'm a gay male in my early 20s. I live in Los Angeles. I've been out since I was about 14 or 15, so you'd think I would have figured out something by now, but nope, not at all. I'm definitely not attractive, which obviously plays a huge part in my problems, but I'm also not the ugliest guy in the whole world, so that can't be the whole issue. I feel bad/awkward complaining to my friends at great length, plus I can't be totally honest, so I've turned to you, dear Internet. Please pardon the ensuing disorganized vomiting of words and feelings.

What am I so clueless about? Basically, how to be romantically and sexually happy, successful, and functional. Up til now, I've pretty much relied on meeting guys on Grindr and similar websites, but it seems pretty pathetic that I can't figure out how to meet guys in person or do most of the things I'd like to do. I've had a few boyfriends, but I've met them all online. The gay life that I hear about many many other people experiencing (and portrayed in the media, but not just that) is so much better than what I've been able to attain. I know many of you will be rightly tempted to say that my expectations are unrealistic, but I know for a fact that, at least in a liberal urban area like this, they actually aren't really.

I know so many young gay guys who have taken much better advantage of their youth as far as meeting guys, having crazy sexual experiences, etc. In college (I recently graduated), all the gay boys pretty much hooked up with each other and had lots of fun times - except me. I was somehow quite absent from that crazy web of sexual connections, and not for lack of trying. Now I feel like I missed out on a fun part of college that most others got to experience.

I've never met a guy at a club or bar (again, not for lack of trying), let alone taken someone home. Nobody's certainly ever bought me a drink. I almost never even have any luck with gay friends of friends. I've never had a threesome or orgy or anything like that. Again, I know it sounds weird to be upset that I haven't done things like that, but all of the gay boys I know who would want to do something like that, have, and with relative ease.

Straight guys love to remark how they would get to have sex all the time if they were gay. I tell them that's not really how it works, but for so many gay guys, that is exactly how it works! I try to get friends to explain to me how to meet people in public places or at clubs or bars, but it's always in the most abstract terms since it comes naturally to them. But honestly, even the logistics of stuff like that totally escapes me.

I'm impressed if you've made it this far into my rant. I really appreciate it. I don't know if I've articulated my problem well enough, since it probably just seems like "boohoo I don't have orgies". But it's more than that, and it upsets me to the point that I find myself holding back tears at embarrassing moments or fantasizing about hurting myself because I feel like a fucking alien dropped here without being told how to interact with people.

So what the hell do I have to do to get a piece of this hedonistic free-for-all that everybody else gets to indulge in? How the fuck do I meet people? How do I get to live the fun gay life that every other gay guy I know gets to experience?

Thanks in advance for any help you can give me. Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to clarify or elaborate on.