Lack of Confidence

[Zero]

Hey guys!

Guess I'm in the need for some advice, or some insight. I have little to no confidence about myself and I don't know how to change it. A good chunk of it stems from my looks. When I look in the mirror, I always feel quite ugly, especially if I'm shaven and don't have facial hair to cover my face up. I was wondering if there is any point in life or age that you just get over the fact that you don't have "traditional" good looks? I feel pathetic, especially since I have taken probably thousands of selfies in the one angle I think I look decent at, and then I repeatedly look back at them to try and convince myself I'm not ugly. I just feel very insecure and think this is a problem, and would truly appreciate any help. I also hate that I'll give advice to others saying that it's the inside that truly counts, but I have trouble believing it myself and can't help but feel disadvantaged because of how I look.

Thank you for reading my complaining, and thank you for your time.

[southbiochem]

well, usually, you have to reach an age where you can measure just how much you have accomplished..

let's say you're me for a while. I have not in a million years considered myself good looking, but once I got a degree and a steady job I started seeing myself as someone worth the while..beyond what I looked like.

this happened around at 24 years old.

my suggestion for you would be to assess what have you accomplished and will accomplish in the short time, that can put some positive perspective about yourself beyond looks

[Woollyhats]

Body image is a highly personal issue.

Sometimes we grow into our bodies, sometimes we have bodies that look good to others but we don't like, and sometimes we think we look amazing... but actually don't.

At the end of the day, if we're happy with who we are and what we look like, what does it matter?

Sometimes it helps to realize that everyone has a certain type of person that they like, and that mainstream attractive people aren't the only people who real and actual people find attractive. Sometimes, this is humorously expressed in the one line joke: "If you ever feel ugly, just remember that you're somebody's fetish", or something like that.

Being upset over how you look, and especially with how other people view the way you look, is unhealthy.

And as long as you're health, and taking care of your body, you should be fine.

Something that might sound odd, but is helpful to me, is that when I don't feel like I like the way I look, I'll force myself into trying a new style. Sometimes I look ridiculous and awful, but it keeps me occupied because I'm trying something new.

...And I like to look back and laugh at myself...

[happyschizoid]

What I'm thinking at the moment is that I can relate to part of what you're saying. I have never taken a picture of myself that I liked. Nor have had a picture taken of me I liked if I was aware of it being taken. The best pictures where when I was caught off guard. The only pictures I ever found decent was if I was relaxed and didn't know it was being taken. I look in the mirror on a good day and I think I look average at best, most times I don't like what I see. Maybe it does come with age but I just don't care anymore. It is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm thinking of a man who at the first meeting I had no interest in because of his physical appearance. After sending time with him due to our jobs I found him more and more attractive, unfortunately he is straight. After 4 years I still fantasize about him, and I want him but know it will never happen.

I would agree you need to find new friends. You are who you are and if they make you feel ugly, move on.

[Zero]

Thank you all very much for your advice! Looking at the things I've accomplished definitely puts things into a different perspective.

And I do think that while I don't find myself particularly attractive, I do somewhat believe that somebody out there does think I may be attractive, haha, and I guess I have to keep that attitude, I just don't want to develop any sort of ego.

My friends definitely are not the problem, they never say anything negative about my looks, I guess I just feel a bit pressured by today's society and image of beauty, and also since I'm attracted to the same sex, if I saw myself walking down the street, I wouldn't necessarily go up to myself and want to start a conversation. But I should try to understand that everyone has a different version of what is attractive. So thanks for your feedback!

[Sylph]

Hey, some of the most beautiful people have the most troubles, both societal and individual, so don't think that looks solve and open every problem and door.

A person who can walk with their head held high, to me, is far more attractive than someone who walks with a mirror in front of them or their noses scenting the ground.

Just strengthen yourself internally, even if you have to seem a lil more assertive or agressive, it'd be better than being a door mat, both to others and yourself.

"Hol' up ya head and cock out ya bottom"
(^ don't do it really lol)