Depressed? Or just too much "wrong"?

[Bluelight]

So, I feel down. Not always, but a lot. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, that there is something inherently wrong with me, that I can't change anything, etc. In the recent past, I've made a few poor choices, nothing major mind you, but unfortunately they had unfair repercussions for me, and the amount of drama that I've had to deal with is just ridiculous and uncalled for. On the other hand, I'm trying to get more involved, I joined an LGBT group, I'm reaching out as much as I can without coming off as needy or clingy, but things aren't so great, they haven't been, and it feels like they won't be for a long time, if ever. People say to keep plugging along, to keep trying, and I am, but it's just so hard...

As always, I'll have my wits about me again soon, maybe when I wake up tomorrow, but I always slip back into these depressive states, usually every few days, sometimes even more frequently. I don't know if I really have depression though, I think I've really just had enough of the wrong people, the disappointment, and all the dead ends, not to mention feelings of failure and inadequacy.

A lot of the time, I don't feel happy with myself, and I don't know what to do about it at this point other than to just keep moving along, but sometimes it just feels like torture, I've been "moving on" for a while, and I'm terrified at the idea that nothing will ever change, that ten years from now I'll be on some other site complaining about the same damn thing because I'm just somehow incapable of what everyone else seems to grasp so easily.

That's all just the tip of the iceberg, but I'll stop here since this is already pretty long, in any case I don't even know where to begin to describe how I feel about all the things that add up to the mess that I am currently stuck in. Besides, all the times I've ranted on here combined probably paint the picture pretty well, but I'm not going to go into further detail, I got enough out of my system for now and I really need to calm down. If you've read this far, I appreciate it as always. Have a good night.

-Bluelight

[CellarDweller]

I'm glad you were able to come here and vent.

I seem to repeat myself in these replies, but please seek some therapy. I went through it in 2006 and it was the best thing I could ever have done.

[southbiochem]

GS will always be a safe place to vent.

If you keep falling in these emotional states, then it's time to seek therapy and counseling..

you can't seem to hold yourself up.

When that happens, you seek help.

Don't fight alone in this

[MisterTinkles]

Sounds like you are dealing with that dirty "four letter word"

[dfiant1]

I think Tinkles is onto something. There are times when we all feel overwhelmed by things, sometimes we need help, other times we can sail through the adversity.

It's not the problems you have that will define you as a person, it is how you tackle your issues and what your learn from your hardship and mistakes that define you as a person.

It's good that you recognise that it could be too much wrong rather than depression because depression these days has such a broad definition that it had to define the fine line between being sad and overwhelmed, and being depressed.

Go with your gut, if you think you could benefit from counselling, then go for it. Strength can be found in letting go of pride and asking for help

[Bluelight]

Sounds like you are dealing with that dirty "four letter word"

Thanks for the reminder.

[marshlander]

It sounds like some counselling might help.

Just a thought though ... if you think everyone else has got all this stuff sorted, they haven't.

[indianajones]

I want to know if you have been feeling like this for a long time, or it has been a recent development. If you have felt this bad for a long time, then i believe you need to seek professional help. There is a high likelihood of clinical depression affecting you. If it is circumstantial or due to specific incidents that have happened recently, then, you need to understand that it is just a phase and shall pass.

Secondly, for your overall mental health, i would suggest to make some positive changes in your life- take proper sleep, eat healthy, exercise, make and spend time with friends, cultivate positive relationships with friends and family, or if you are religious, pray, go to church, meditate. I am sure you will certainly see a positive change in your life.

Don't worry, You'll be fine.
All the best & stay connected!

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie life is never easy if you are looking at the review mirror.
It's time to get some professional help that will get you in control again and help you leave the past where it belongs.
We all have baggage ,the trick to happiness is loving and forgiving yourself .

We are all here for you, so vent away.