Deeply suicidal

[Drkmcnamara]

Coming out has not been what I expected it to be. No one welcomed me with open arms. My parents had a hard time accepting it, other gay guys call me ugly as sin. I am beginning to see how much I do not fit in this world being who I am. Who I am is evidently not good enough to get relationships, sex or friends with other guys. For me this is such a shock. The reaction I got from the open guys in my area was not nice at all. Not to mention I have a small dick which is a huge strike against me and I also have a slight belly. In short my deficiencies are way beyond what my redeeming qualities can cover. It has been difficult accepting these hard facts after researching the different sub categories in the gay community of which I fit into none. I am a part of a community that does not appreciate what I have to offer. And since the community is the only source of gay guys once I am locked out of there I can pretty much kiss any chance at love and sex goodbye. Now knowing what my future is going to be why bother continuing? It would just make more sense for me to end my misery before it becomes undoubtedly worse.

[Dan1980]

Coming out is not easy. I remember that my mother cried for days but I am still her son and she still loves me. Your not ugly no one is. The size of your dick doesn't matter and you will one day find some one. Love finds us all and it will find you. Give it time. You can easily sort your weight out, join a gym or cut down on food. This community appreciates you. Stick around you will make good friends here. Suicide is never the answer. Talk to somebody, talk to us. Feel free to private message me any time.

[Vigilias]

You will, I hope, find this site the very supportive group of individuals I've always known it to be.

Yes, the gay "community" can be one of the harshest and most critical and discriminating but that's just based on insecurity and self-loathing, don't get sucked down in to that mire.

Penis size isn't everything, and it's what you do with it that counts. So you're a little overweight, I know that you know that something can be done about that! A healthy diet and exercise. How about joining a gym or taking up running or some such activity.

Your parents will eventually come round to the idea that you're gay and eventually you'll find someone to love and who will love you back. What is it the Desideretta says about love, "It is as perennial as the grass".

Be strong and see how things change say, this time next year.

[partis]

You should maybe try not thinking being part of a group will help you meet individuals, a relationship involves TWO people not TEN. It does not matter to have a small penis or slight belly, if you let these things effect you too much it will turn out to be your own insecurities that pushes guys away not that which is making you insecure. Like vigilias says be strong and things can change and you can always come here to gs

[MisterTinkles]

Im going to be blunt.......

You kill yourself, you have let those pieces of shit win.

Been there, done that. Realized that THEY are the ones who dont belong on this planet. THEY are the ones who are fucked up in their heads. THEY are the ones who have everything backwards. And its because of THEM and their fucked up mentality, that people like you/us feel that way.

I went through this back in the 80's. I finally realized what insignificant and what useless pieces of garbage these people really are. And I was NOT going to put up with it anymore.

And I haven't.

I throw their shit right back in their faces.....BOTH of them!! I tell THEM how it is. I tell THEM how fucked up and ugly THEY are. I tell them what USELESS pieces of human garbage they are. I face THEM with reality!!

And guess what! Fake, phoney, shallow, plastic people have NO defense against reality! What do they do? They shut the fuck up and they leave me alone.

You gotta find your inner bitch.....your inner drag queen.....your inner cunt. YOU have to know you are SO much better than them. Otherwise they win. And Mister Tinkles just doesn't "do" that, and neither will you.

So, you got a small dick. BIG FUCKING HAIRY ASSED DEAL!!!! I had one boyfriend who had a dick that was as big as your thumb, and that was HARD!!!! I sure as hell didnt give a shit, cause he was a nice, decent man....and THATS what turns me on. I had another boyfriend who had a dick that didn't even 'work'!!! I did not give a shit....he was a nice guy and I liked him a lot.

I have been "chunky" since I got out of high school.......and I NEVER EVER got hit on until AFTER I gained weight!!!

Three of my boyfriends were chunky/fat. I did not care. I liked them for what kind of people they are, not what dick size they had, and definitely not how they "looked".

You are on one TINY spot, on this big, HUGE world. A world where there are REAL people, who have working brains, and will like/love you for the person you are....not for how big your dick is or if you have a gut or not.

You are allowing this human scum to demean you, make you feel less human, and make you believe that you are nothing unless you are brain dead and plastic. STOP IT!

As for your parents.......and this goes for EVERYBODY you will know or meet in your life.......if they think its their business to base their feelings about you on your personal preferences (something that is NONE of their business), then screw them!!! They dont love you, and you definitely don't need them in your life, if that's how they are going to be.

People who really love/like you, do so because you are a good person....a decent human being.

You need to move yourself to another place. Get out on your own somewhere new. I've done it several times in my life so far, and Im sure I will have to do it again.

And no, I dont have the money to be moving around, but I did....and I did it for my sanity and safety.

If I can do it, so can you.

First thing you MUST learn to do though, is put these shitbags in their place. If you dont, they will walk all over you all of your life. Shit belongs in the garbage, not in your daily life.

Always remember........they are only there because YOU are allowing it. YOU have the power to change it, get rid of the shit, and find someplace better.

[partis]

Finding my inner cunt, oh there it is :biggrin:

[James]

Your only 21, I agree with Tinkles for the most part, the out people in San Antonio that you have meet really need to have their hines spaked, and I don't mean in a good way, I am 64 and been through alot of this, ah stuff, plus worked at glbtq centers where everyone who wanted to make friends and see what it was all about, straight or gay or trans or lesbian, or just questioning their own sexuallity. The world maybe small cause of the internet but is so huge for possibilties, don't let them win go forth and explore the world, James

[Dreamer]

I've said it before to another, and I'll say it to you:

SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM!


Your family will take some time to adjust! That's something you're going to have to accept and get over! I know it's hard now, but it will get easier with time!


I'm sure they would be miserable without you in their lives! You may not think it now, but they still love you, despite their disapproval of your sexuality, and it would kill them to know you've taken your own life! It's can come as a huge shock to some parents who have, for their entire lives, had a vision of grandkids, and a wife for you to marry somewhere down the road. Give them time, and be tolerant of their own shortcomings!


Now about the superficial faggots that reject you for the way you look: they are projecting their own self-hatred through lashing out at you. Sure, they seem confident and arrogant on the outside, but they have a huge void inside their hearts that no one can fulfill. At the end of the day, they are bitter, and despite all of their fake friends, are lonely as fuck at the end of the day.


You are young, and have yet to experience the amazing connections to come with other gay men that will value you for you!


Penis size is not everything, so the people who reject you for that alone are immature whores that you don't want anything to do with in the first place. Love and nurture the body nature gave you!


Learn self-love before venturing out into the big cruel gay world, and know that what other people think about you is not any of your damn business! Their thoughts are their problem, not yours! Grow your self-worth because people do love you, as you have an amazing future ahead, if you play your cards right.


Call the Trevor Project at 866-488-7386 they are a great place to vent and receive invaluable advice about being gay, and all of the pressures and hardships that come with it! They're available 24/7 and are the nicest people you can talk to!

[Jovial]

Please know that you are not alone at this given time in your thoughts on suicide. I speak as one who has now twice attempted the act.

While I am still in the closet, I can empathise with you on some of the pressures haunting you. I assure you that you are valuable simply for begin who you are. You don’t need to fit into any subcategories, and you fit into the gay community simply by being. You are very welcome on GS and will no doubt add all the benefits that compliment you, thus enriching our community. I congratulate you on embracing your sexuality, and don’t worry about making a fool of yourself at any time since life would not be without the trials and tribulations it guarantees. It’s how we cope with and possibly learn from those experiences that we reach ever greater heights of maturity. If only you could know the disaster I have been on GS of late. Yet, I have survived and continue to try overcoming my own insecurities and self-doubts by returning…it’s that or cut off all contact with and phase out GS; which given my own situation would surely be my undoing.

You are an attractive man in many respects and I for one would very much like to see what you can further offer the GS community. I encourage you stay with us and share some measure of your life, in which ever capacity you so choose. Please stay, and allow us to help you as much as I am sure you will help us…

[putresVigil]

Now knowing what my future is going to be why bother continuing? It would just make more sense for me to end my misery before it becomes undoubtedly worse.

Take your life now and you will harm many innocent people. That is because when you came out as gay to the world you began to carry the standard of the LGBT community. You are now a part of our collective struggle whether you wish to be or not. If you kill yourself, you will become another anecdote used by another homophobic preacher or bigot. They will use your misery and suicide as yet another reason to make others like you miserable by telling them that what they are is miserable and evil. You will victimize the rest of us if you kill yourself.

[COLOR="Blue"]Also, you know nothing of the future.

It gets better as you get older. I am older than you and I can attest to that fact. Sure, there are always hardships; I won't lie and tell you that you will ever be carefree, but it will get better for you than it is now if you hang in there. So get help. Get help and turn that despair into anger. Fight.

Think of all the harm you have sustained, the burden you have carried, and the loneliness you feel. Think of how your own parents had trouble accepting you. Think even of those who lashed out at you and called you ugly; how petty and miserable their lives really are. You think they are happy because they are getting laid?

They use sex to keep real connection to other people away. Most of them are terrified of love and closeness; they will torpedo any real relationship they wind up in. They will seek Mr Right but will destroy any relationship with such a man in favor of more exciting, empty prospects that go nowhere.[/Color]

Will you let the system that has done this to you, to us, win without a fight? Are you really going to just lie down and let them win? You are a part of this fight and you will harm many like you if you kill yourself. Are you ready to accept responsibility for that fact?