Wishing I had come out earlier...

[Bluelight]

Most would say that 19 is a reasonably young age for one to come out as gay, but for my generation, that's borderline late. I've already missed out on a lot because of my failure to accept myself when I was younger, and I'm still trying to earn what I denied myself as a teenager, but it's so much harder than I thought it would be...

Nothing much else to say really, just wanted to express my thoughts.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yeah, you are 20, over the hill, way pass your expiration date, you missed out on all the gay parades and gay parties and all of that...

Seriously being in the closet taught you stuff... That experience is now part of who you are and its not a bad thing, its a good thing.

Because or in spite of being in the closet you have the ability to empathize with those who are still in their closet. That's kind of important because when you start meeting those guys who are mostly in the closet you will take steps to not accidentally or intentionally pull them out kicking and screaming.

Because of, or in spite of being in the closet and 'missing out', you will be a little more careful to not miss out in future activities requiring your superpower of being gay....

Everything you experience in your life becomes a part of you and for better or for worse make you YOU.

Without that experience you ain't you... Seriously, the guy who lived all of your life except for not staying in the closet for all of those decades.... or moments is not you, its another dude who relates to the world in a vastly different way that you can't possibly imagine.

And me thinks that that other dude - that other 'I could have been' is most likely not as nice a person as you are....

[southbiochem]

Some guys do not come out until they're 60 or something

And I haven't still, so according to your generation which is hardly too far away from mine I'm what? dead already?..

If you think you're f*cked or you could have done better or the countless what ifs......what's left for me?

See, comparatively you're already in a better position than at least one other person in the world..

Now, humorous self-bashing for explainatory purposes aside




No, sir, pay no attention in what everyone else does.

There is no right age, no right time of the day, no right day of the week.

You come out under your own terms, when you feel comfortable with it, when your immediate sorroundings do not compromise your personal well being.

For a lot of people each one of those variables can be different

[elad12]

I just posted this elsewhere. Be happy and thankful that you are out at 20. I'm sure happy for you!

"Well I was 60, though I did have a couple "secret boyfriends" before I turned 20. But then I spent the next 40 years living a straight life. You want to have some regrets wait until your 60. I'd give anything to be in your shoes now. I am really happy for you that you are coming out now. You still have a lifetime ahead of you. I know about the regrets because I still have them but I think we need to just leave the regrets in the past and just enjoy living gay for the rest of our lives."

[CellarDweller]

As someone who didn't come out until 27, you are just fine.

[Woollyhats]

19 isn't late. At least, I hope it's not. I came out just after turning 19. Err, well, it was more like I just told my friends and family that I'm in a relationship with a guy. It feels good, like I'm starting my adult life as myself. I don't think 19 is late, many people I know came out much later, and many never come out at all. Two very good friends of mine who have been together for several years came out of their 20s.... I hardly think 19 is old...

[Sylph]

[COLOR="Blue"]Oops , guess I came out a lil early, or so my mama tells me, as it seems I came jazz-handing out her pum pum on a rainbow unicorn covered in glitters :I

But I can see where you're coming from, cause I've felt like growing up, I missed all the encounters with other gay kids/people, bars, parties or whatever, that's practically none-existent here outside of like house parties or whatever.

Until I was like 16-17 and joined this Rainbow alliance thingie here, and met a few Linearly challenged people like myself :p

And even still then I felt like I was kinda just past that "Stage"... well after hanging out sometimes after school (not with the gay people I met per se) with friends and stuff.

It's really not a big deal, I mean, in your life, you have to make fun sometimes, not feel like you missed out on what you or someone else thinks is fun.

People make fun of people who sit indoors and play video games or whatever, because they're not outside opening their legs or throats to every Dick and dick related item out there, saying they are wasting their lives.

When in reality, it's just that person's version of fun. You don't have to party every night, get so hung over you become the first male pregnancy or have mass orgies in your home on the daily.

Sometimes the things people regret, are things they probably wouldn't have enjoyed, missed or liked anywho.

Live your life for you and for how you like to make it. Don't let other people oppress you with their ideals and beliefs. That's called Bullshit

[/COLOR]

[driftwood]

... 19 is ... borderline late. I've already missed out on a lot.

I know that there are exceptions, but I have trouble believing the average 19 year old understands himself and his sexuality enough to determine whether he is gay, bi or straight.

Scientists now believe that the pre-frontal cortex is not finished developing until the mid-twenties. This is the part of the brain that is responsible for personality expression, and moderating social behavior, among other things. While that part of the brain is still developing, the personality is still developing. So claiming to know yourself before you reach 20 is like looking into a crystal ball.

You seem to be viewing it as some kind of party that you have missed out on. It's not a party. It's a major life decision. Oh and by the way, once the pre-frontal cortex is fully developed, it also moderates impulsiveness.

[driftwood]

I just posted this elsewhere.

I thought it was the same thread at first.

[EMH]

Just come out when you're ready, so long as you'll have someone to turn to for support.

I was 16 (almost 17) when I "came out," but I never really denied it to anyone… mostly because no one really asked because it was obvious as it was lol!!!!

I don't regret a thing. For me personally, I think it was the perfect time. I can't say why, it just was. As to the OP, I'm sorry you feel you came out too late, but at least you are still very young and can look forwards at your future, because you know what? You can't change the past.