Sagittarius
03-04-2014, 07:22 AM
Real Laws of Nature:
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose begins to itch and you need to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt. screw, etc. when dropped rolls to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - When you key a wrong number, you will never get a busy signal and someone always answers; conversely, when someone calls you in error, you have to stop whatever your doing and clean off your hands before you pick-up the phone to hear whoever was calling hang-up.
5. Law of the Supermarket - As soon as you get in the shortest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6. Law of Variation - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you had been in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7. Law of the Bath or Shower - When your body is fully immersed or drenched in water, the phone will ring.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will work.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to one's reach.
11. Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beverage, or the toilet; and who leave early before the end of the performance is over. Those people in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies; and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. Law of Coffee - As soon as you sit down to drink a cup of hot coffee, your spouse will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced sandwich landing face down on a fabric surface are directly correlated to the cost, newness, and stain-ability of the surface.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, it will stop being made.
19. Doctor's Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor; however, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But if you don't make an appointment you'll stay sick, get worse and wind-up in the hospital.
20. Law of Not Sharing - If you don't share this, your belly button will unscrew and your ass will fall off.
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose begins to itch and you need to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt. screw, etc. when dropped rolls to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - When you key a wrong number, you will never get a busy signal and someone always answers; conversely, when someone calls you in error, you have to stop whatever your doing and clean off your hands before you pick-up the phone to hear whoever was calling hang-up.
5. Law of the Supermarket - As soon as you get in the shortest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6. Law of Variation - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you had been in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7. Law of the Bath or Shower - When your body is fully immersed or drenched in water, the phone will ring.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will work.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to one's reach.
11. Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beverage, or the toilet; and who leave early before the end of the performance is over. Those people in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies; and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. Law of Coffee - As soon as you sit down to drink a cup of hot coffee, your spouse will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced sandwich landing face down on a fabric surface are directly correlated to the cost, newness, and stain-ability of the surface.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, it will stop being made.
19. Doctor's Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor; however, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But if you don't make an appointment you'll stay sick, get worse and wind-up in the hospital.
20. Law of Not Sharing - If you don't share this, your belly button will unscrew and your ass will fall off.
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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