Putting your money where your mouth is

[James]

Yes Miles must be the 1000 post thing, but I can't find who I am, so I will leave it alone

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"Life is difficult at times, but to surrender to the pain is not the answer."

Why?

"A man who has been through more than most of you, yet I survive, the good I have found, far outweighs the bad I have..."

Well good for you James, not everyone is that lucky to see their life as being this way.

I personally have found evil heaped upon disgusting evil... my opinion of the human species is low and lowered a little more each day. Life sucks - big time, and is nothing but pain upon pain upon suffering upon agony with no real end to the pain, except more pain, or a new kind of pain....

Yes it can get worse, and sure enough it ultimately does get worse....

That's the way I see this life and I know that there are many others who see it exactly like that.

So they opt out, why do they opt out? Because it is the only solution that ends the pain.

Just because you won out and have decided to stick with the misery, the poverty of joy, the suffering, the pain, the humiliation whatever it is that you go through does not mean that everyone else needs to or must take that same view.

Life does not work that way. Sorry.

Emotional pain is worse than physical pain in many respects. When a depressed person has that horrible realization dawn on them that their depression is never - NEVER - going to get better, and may indeed just get worse... Well they opt out.

What to blame someone, blame god. Or Evolution or whatever it is that hard wires the brain for failure. Can't blame the victim - no more that we can blame a cancer victim for coming down with cancer.

You are taking this way too personally. Seriously the universe ain't out to get you.... or only you... its out to get us all.

Life is strange, no one gets out of it alive.... We all die - its not a matter of IF we die, but a matter of when and how we die. Those who opt out choose their when and how and where... the rest let nature take its course.

Their choice.

I'm not going to say you have to like it, but you are going to have to accept it on some level or you will destroy yourself.

No its not pretty, no its not fun or funny, yes its sad, yes its slightly horrible... but in the grander scheme of things they were going to die anyway.... they just decided when, where, how...

And yes for all of the potentials 'happiness' that they could have had, there is also the darker side, the potentials for greater sadness, greif, suffering. For them those negative potentials are unbearable, and more of the grind stone that wears them away than the potentials for some minor happiness.

Again, their choice. Their choice based on their life and their life experiences.

You opted in, others opt out... Its not the experiences or the horror shows that we measure opting in/opting out, its how it all makes us feel and if we are able to carry that burden another step.

[MisterTinkles]

Well, I hate too, but being "harsh" in these circumstances is all I know how to do, as "beating around the bush" usually just confuses people even more...........so here goes............

1. People who have already committed themselves to self destruction are going to do so, no matter what anyone else does or says. There is NO saving them. They have already decided early on that nothing about them matters.......its all left up to the actual point in time they do it. If you want to place blame, then place it where it needs to be placed!
mmmmma. If that person had chemical imbalances that were uncontrollable or medicines did not work, then that is not your fault.
mmmmmb. If that person had been verbally and/or physically abused growing up, then its not your fault, its the parents. They pretty much effectively killed their child within the first few years of toddler life.
mmmmmc. Self destructive people are, by their own nature, self destructive....PERIOD. No matter HOW it has been ingrained into their psyche's, it is there....it is WHO they are, as much as being an engineer is part of who Chase is, or how being a musician is part of who Wade is. Or how you are a helpful, feeling, caring person. They can fight it all they want, but the fact that "its" there, will never change.

2. I'm not one for "negativity", but I only hear you talking about the one's who got away, perished, or went off somewhere else. Do any of the people that you actually helped count for nothing? Surely there are hundreds, if not thousands of people who you HAVE helped that are grateful YOU were there for them!! The one thing I asked all of my teachers when I was in high school, is WHY they taught.....because it seemed like a thankless and humiliating job. And they ALL said the same thing......"yes, most kids don't appreciate teachers.....but it's that ONE kid who comes up at the end of the year and says "Thank you", that makes it ALL worth while"!!!
I am certain you have more "Thank you's" running around out there, than ones who were lost far, far before you ever came along.

3. No, it's not fun losing people, to anything. But if you have dedicated your life to helping others live theirs, then you are cutting yourself short, and "slapping" those other people in the face who still need you, and WILL need you, if you take losses as a stopping point. I understand that caring, helping people place high expectations on themselves to go out and "save the world".......but reality says "hell no". You have to do what you do, to the best of your abilities. Mourn those who you tried in vain to help, but could not "see the light".......and continue on to help those hundreds, thousands of others who have no one to talk too or look up too.

4. Be there for those who are still open to talk to you, and want help. Use the pain and loss as points of light for others. Pain and loss can be turned into something helpful for others on the same destructive paths. Cause and effect, I have seen, can be strong motivators sometimes. Use the cause and effect of past losses to show those still here, what has happened because of the loss of one life ........on families and friends.


Make those you have given life back too. count for something. You have not lost, you have only hesitated. Now it's time to make it all count, by helping even more people.

[James]

Thankyou BA and Tink, food for thought. Yes after 35 years of doing this more survive than die, maybe just take sometimes off to fall back and regroup my own thoughts. I look like a bag lady with all this baggage so I guess dropping some of it off at the goodwill store is in order, thanks guys, Jim