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fka questioning
#1
This will probably be a rather long post, so to put first things first: Why did I change my username?
2 months ago, while searching online for answers to some questions that were on my mind, I came across a thread within gayspeak. After reading that thread, I registered, and while I had that and other questions on my mind, the username “questioning” seemed like a natural. After some weeks though, it occurred to me that “questioning” has a specific connotation when applied to LGBT (or LGBTQ) issues. And that was one question that had been resolved many years ago.

I am 62 years old, and to one degree or another, practicing or abstaining, I have been bi-sexual for about 40 years. In the early years, I didn’t think of it that way. I considered myself to be “normal” (hetero-sexual), but with a taste for “taking a walk on the wild side” every now and then. That was good for about a dozen years. But then the boom came down - I heard about HIV (that would have been 1983). We didn’t have the internet back then, but within a couple days, I had heard enough on radio news to say “that’s it - no more games. It’s straight sex only for me from here on out.”

About three years later, much to my surprise, I found myself picking up a gay man (on a street corner no less). That night in his apartment, I had the most glorious night of my life. But the next day, I was terrified. I went to see a doctor, certain that I must have gotten something. I was fine, but I was convinced of two things:

1. It wasn’t just something I did for variety, it was something I wanted and needed.
2. I could never have it. To avoid becoming a statistic, I had to stay away from men.

After that, I stayed straight for 23 years, through two marriages, several relationships and a few one night stands with women. Over the years, I developed the habit of telling my partners about my history before I got involved with them. I also started requiring that we both get tested (together when it was an option – which was rare) before having unprotected sex.

And so it came about a few years ago that while my new girlfriend and I were being tested, I was being told about risky and not-so-risky behavior, and I was reminded about something I had dismissed as nonsense many years before about oral sex being considered non-risky. I was quite enamored of this girl and wanted our relationship to work, but I made a mental note to myself that if things didn’t work out with her, I was going to try a different route. Despite my best efforts, our relationship didn’t last long (about 6 months).

I enrolled in several on-line gay sites, and learned about the limited other opportunities – gay bars. Over the next two years, I had a number of hookups, and a few repeats, but nothing really even approaching a relationship. I wasn’t even actually aware that that was what I was looking for, but I should have known. With women, I had always gravitated toward relationships. One-nighters are okay as far as they go, but they don’t go far.

A couple years ago, unexpectedly, I met a woman who knocked my socks off, and before I knew it, I was living with her. Long story I won’t go into, but we just split up, and I’m single again. I may pay some visits to the gay bars in town, but I’m not going to put most of my focus there, and I won't be settling for hookups this time. I’m not going to bother at all with the on-line nonsense. That’s for kids. The other possibilities are slim, but they’re there. I’ll just need to be patient.
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#2
Thanks for the story.


Love your signature!
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#3
Great, thanks for sharing, enjoyed your story very much, I like that you don't give up and you know you could find that guy whom you can share a relationship with, I never loose hope because I feel the minute I do ill be closing doors to those who might be a good possibility Big Grin
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#4
Yeah i thought this thread would be questions, im pleased you changed your name which to be honest wasnt a name , and yes it did have those connotations
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#5
Your story definitely shows how you've come to know yourself and mature over the years. I like how you haven't given up.

You might be a bit old biologically but that doesn't mean you have to act your age.... There's always hope for a relationship, and lots of people who are both young and old probably wouldn't be turned off by you.

I hope you have someone important to talk about soon ... Smile .
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#6
From one old goat to another, LOVE your goat pic! Remybussi Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings about your journey and hope you have great comfort through the patience and awesome success in the outcome. Looking forward to getting to know you better. Wavey
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
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#7
Thanks for the feedback, and just in case anyone was wondering, when I originally signed up about two months ago, I registered as a single bi man - my girlfriend had kicked me out. But we continued to date each other, so I eventually changed that to bi man in monogamous straight relationship, which is what it was. Now we've split up (though we are still friends), so I'm back to single bi man. I'm hoping to change that eventually to Bi Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship, but I'm not really in a big hurry. I'd like to enjoy my single status for a while.

@ MrTinkles Love your signature too, now that you changed it. But now you've changed it again. I really liked the one with the hoomin under the table. Hated the one with the flashing lights.

@jogu656 thanks for the encouragement. I never give up hope. I'd like to find a guy I can have a relationship with. I've never had a relationship with a guy - like I said, a few repeats, but that doesn't constitute a relationship. Relationships with women have their own peculiarities. I'm sure the same is true for men, but I haven't experienced them yet.

@partis Yeah it was a no-brainer - the connotations. But then there was the other reason I changed my username. Most of the questions I had were better answered by authoritative sources rather than group discussion and consensus. In the forum, I found myself doing more answering (or opinioning) than questioning.

@Woolyhats You don't have to mince words. I know in your book, I'm ancient, which is the way it should be considering I could be your grandfather. But you're right about not having to act my age. I used to wonder what I was going to be when I grew up. but I finally figured out it's a moot point, since I'm not planning on growing up.

@CCRox I went without an avatar for my first two months, but when I spotted that goat, I knew I wanted it. As a bi man, you might understand some of what I'm going through. Have you had relationships with both men and women?

As my main hobby is dancing, I meet a lot of women. I enjoy flirting with them, and over the last 25 years, I have met all of my female partners on the dance floor. But I'm more interested in meeting men now, and unfortunately, I have not found it easy to meet gay men - the two main avenues for meeting gay men (dating websites and gay bars) are mainly for young men and/or mainly for hookups. I am exploring other avenues, but they are limited. I'm not sure what I'm getting at here. Just venting maybe. Or maybe trying to start a dialogue. Are there solutions to this dilemma? It seems most of the younger guys in this forum meet other men at school or school related activities. They will also have the same difficulty, once they are out of school. Is there something that can be done to rectify this? It seems that solutions would necessarily be at the local level, but maybe that's inside the box thinking. Anyone have any ideas?
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