I'm not sure who I am because of this guy

[Anonymous]

I'm 18 years old guy and I'm straight, at least I've been straight my whole life. I'm still in high school and one of my classmates is gay. Because of that in our class I'm his only friend, others first mocked him terribly and now they just ignore him. Well, actually they ignore me too, because I stood up for him and told everyone what I think of their stupid homophobia. Now we're two outcasts in our class, no one speaks to us and no one notices us, sometimes it seems that not even teachers.

I think this might be a reason why we've grown very close. Actually I think that even too close. We're doing almost everything together. In the school we sit in the same desk, we're study together, we're spend weekends together. Usually I don't get on well with most people, but with him everything is so easy. He understands me like no one ever has. And it scares me. As the time goes on, with every day I become more and more attached to him. I think about him all the time. If it happens that he doesn't come to school for some reason, I usually leave school after the first lesson, because without him everything - teachers, studying and school itself, everything is so meaningless that I can't stand it. I've friends in the school outside my class, but no one can replace his presence.

Few days ago we ditched school and went to his place. His parents were at work and we were just chilling with McDonald's food. He then told me he has never been together with a guy, meaning he's a virgin. I told him I'm one too, I've dated girls before, but never went that far. And so later in the evening of that day, when I was already in my own home and I was trying to fall asleep, I remembered this and suddenly I had this crazy thought about me and him together in bed. I felt shocked, I was like telling to myself "you're straight, how could you even think that?" He knows I'm straight so I believe he would never come on to me, but if he would I know I wouldn't push him away and I don't understand why.

I realize that it's too much for just friends. A friend doesn't feel the way I feel for him, but I don't understand how. I've always liked girls only. Now he's the only person in my mind. I'm not interested in other guys, it's just him. He will probably never know how important he is to me. I feel like I want to care for him, to be there for him all the time, to protect him. I know being gay is ok, but I also know you cannot turn gay. You either are or you aren't, right? And how can I then like a guy, if I've liked girls only my whole life?

[Arkansota]

I'm 18 years old guy and I'm straight, at least I've been straight my whole life. I'm still in high school and one of my classmates is gay. Because of that in our class I'm his only friend, others first mocked him terribly and now they just ignore him. Well, actually they ignore me too, because I stood up for him and told everyone what I think of their stupid homophobia. Now we're two outcasts in our class, no one speaks to us and no one notices us, sometimes it seems that not even teachers.

I think this might be a reason why we've grown very close. Actually I think that even too close. We're doing almost everything together. In the school we sit in the same desk, we're study together, we're spend weekends together. Usually I don't get on well with most people, but with him everything is so easy. He understands me like no one ever has. And it scares me. As the time goes on, with every day I become more and more attached to him. I think about him all the time. If it happens that he doesn't come to school for some reason, I usually leave school after the first lesson, because without him everything - teachers, studying and school itself, everything is so meaningless that I can't stand it. I've friends in the school outside my class, but no one can replace his presence.

Few days ago we ditched school and went to his place. His parents were at work and we were just chilling with McDonald's food. He then told me he has never been together with a guy, meaning he's a virgin. I told him I'm one too, I've dated girls before, but never went that far. And so later in the evening of that day, when I was already in my own home and I was trying to fall asleep, I remembered this and suddenly I had this crazy thought about me and him together in bed. I felt shocked, I was like telling to myself "you're straight, how could you even think that?" He knows I'm straight so I believe he would never come on to me, but if he would I know I wouldn't push him away and I don't understand why.

I realize that it's too much for just friends. A friend doesn't feel the way I feel for him, but I don't understand how. I've always liked girls only. Now he's the only person in my mind. I'm not interested in other guys, it's just him. He will probably never know how important he is to me. I feel like I want to care for him, to be there for him all the time, to protect him. I know being gay is ok, but I also know you cannot turn gay. You either are or you aren't, right? And how can I then like a guy, if I've liked girls only my whole life?

Dude, you're bicurious. It's normal for guys your age and most of the time it doesn't mean anything.

[dfiant]

You are a good mate...nothing more and nothing less. You should be proud of yourself for the empathy you feel and the relationship you have. It will last a life time and when you both find your significant others, you will both become a big part of each others families. You will both be Uncles one day

[ChadCoxRox]

You CAN love him with all your heart. And you can even tell him so he will have that confidence. You can also decide what the boundaries will be and if the care is real you'll be flexible enough to weather any storm. I love how Dfiant frames it as a lifelong opportunity. If you decide to explore the physical curiosity remember communication is key. Share your true thoughts and feelings. Follow your heart, trust your own intellect and be the friend you want to have. Life's so much shorter than you think in your younger years!

[Wolfpack]

Hi fella sorry to hear about your problems.You might be gay or straight or bi ,but the truth is not one can tell you or decide your sexuality for you,go with your feelings but be careful not to get your self or someone else hurt.And whatever and whenever you realise who you really are remember is does not matter what your sexuality is you are the person you are supposed to be and their is nothing wrong with that.

[Padshach]

I'm not sure that your feelings for your friend have gone too far. You have been through a lot together and that has brought you closer, but it doesn't necessarily mean what you're thinking it means. It is possible to love a friend (very deeply), without crossing the line.

[Chimpy]

My advice would be to listen to your true self. We live in a world where there is expectations of what's "normal" and how we should feel and behave. It can blind us to how we actually feel.

Try forgetting about how people are labelled, and "what ifs", and think honestly about how you feel about your friend. Are you attracted to him? Can you see yourself caring for him, holding him close, and being intimate with him? If so, then I think it's worth trying that path and seeing where it goes. If not, then don't.

If you do decide to try going beyond friendship, then take it slow and remember it's just about you and him, not what anyone else thinks or expects. Don't take yourself on a guilt trip because of what other people might have told you you should be.

Regardless you both sound like fantastic people and I hope things work out well.

[southbiochem]

There is certainly a factor in the closeness you 2 share, given the ostracism you 2 are experiencing.

It is not uncommon to develope a deep care for the other in a situation like that.

And you can predominantely like women and still find a random guy appealing. Sexuality sometimes is not a 100% this but 99%this and 1% that.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I stick with the theory that most humans are in reality bisexual. Most being something like 90% straight and 10% gay.

Myself, there have been two ladies I would have done the whole straight life thing with - had they not been, you know, lesbians....

I identify as 100% homosexual because I have favored guys over gals predominately and its just far, far easier to pick a side and stick with it instead of try to explain there is that heterosexual streak in me.

I think that for you you may have a homosexual streak in you and its going to come out for really special guys. Meaning I don't see you hanging out at gay bars and picking up a lot of strange men - but I can see you actually having a satisfying romantic relationship with just one special fella.

How many other gay guys have you decided to be white knight for? Are you prone to step in and defend everyone, or is he kinda sorta special from the onset?

I am not suggesting you get involved romantically here. Due to the exiled nature you both share and other things (such as the pressures of society for you to play at being 100% straight when you are mostly straight), it may be unwise to actually try a romantic relationship with him.

Do you keep these feelings to yourself? IDK... You rescued him, that means there may be a bit of hero worship going on, and he may actually wish that you could be 'the one' - meaning a potential BF. So your admitting such feelings may cause you both to go down a road that wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for all of these exterior pressures.

Then there is you.... Can you accept being - slightly - bisexual? Is it a burden you can carry lightly with all of the anger and hatred you already know will be unleashed by your peers?

IDK, how does the whole 'For the right guy I can be gay' feel to you? Is this acceptable? Does it ring sorta true?

I can't tell you what is in your own heart - however I can tell you that having strong feelings for a special person is not abnormal or crazy. I think that a lot of people actually find themselves in a similar situation and just hide it because society is still pretty sick in the head and has unrealistic expectations of humanity.

I would like to think that you two are close enough and trustworthy enough to actually discuss your feelings - both of you. Without having expectations or a need to pressure the other into doing something the other doesn't really want to do.

Love - its a strange thing that the english language has only one word for a multilevel, complex emotion such as love. I love my dog, I love my brother, I love my lover, I love those neat new socks you are wearing.... different - often vastly different meanings for one word.

I suspect you really do love this guy and he most likely loves you as well. Identifying what sort of love you have here, where it can go, what it means may be very difficult owning to just how sad the english language is when it comes to expressing this particular emotion.

[TimeSage]

I will reiterate what the others have said about sexuality not being clear cut. Could you honestly see yourself with this man even if all others don't draw your eye? It's something you need to figure out before you decide how to approach all this.

That said if you do decide to experiment with this guy, be clear upfront with him that you're not sure if this is something that's "right" for you so you don't lead him on, and that you would want to remain friends if it doesn't work out romantically. Don't jump right into sex either to try and prove something to him or yourself that you're into him. Start slow.

As for everyone else, to hell with what they think.