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With apologies to blonds
#1
This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies.

She, frantically calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and he's dead and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine!

Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio...."Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in in Heaven....
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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#2
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