I don't even know where to start...*sigh*

[AlohaShannon]

I had an amazing day with my BFF. We shopped, walked, and talked A LOT! I was feeling really good about myself and coming out (sort of) yesterday. I came to the realization that I'm not bi, I'm gay.

Now this is where it gets interesting (I'm all about trying to build things up with the backstory). I took some advice from people here and made a profile on PoF but I made it clear that I'm looking for friends, nothing more. A guy responded and I looked at his profile. I thought to myself, wow he sure is full on himself. We messaged for awhile and shared some pictures. I felt like I was in control of myself and kept things very "vanilla"...until he sent a nude pic. My jaw dropped and I felt my resolve fading. A few minutes later, he said he wanted to see me...tonight. Being as how I haven't been with a guy for over 6 six years I was naturally apprehensive. Who am I foolin'? I WAS PETRIFIED!!! But I was also super turned on. I agreed under the stipulation that we just hang out.

So I ran all this by my BFF to see what she thought about it and she encouraged me. I felt super weird since our new "relationship" started pretty recently but she insisted that she was more than just ok with this. She felt like she had been holding me back. Anyways, so I decided to go. I spent quite a lot of time prepping, getting gussied up, etc. Still feeling like something was off, I got in my car and left. So red flag #1 for me should have been his self-absorbed profile. #2 should have been him meeting me in gym shorts and no shirt. His body seriously has like only 2% body fat and I'm pretty sure his ass checks can crack walnuts. Red flag #3- candles all over and CLEARLY a very tasteful touch with the decorating. #4 - we sat on his couch with the lights dim and the TV on and he was very complementary, say on a different couch, and told my how me being there was making him feel amorous (my words, definitely not his). So I decided this was my coming out present to myself and told him to sit back next to me. Moments later I was naked in his bedroom...go figure. Yeah, my willpower is rockin' !!!

We are done with the extra-curricular activities and I start to feel funky again. We are back in the living room watching TV and talking (not his forte by the way). Oh I forgot to mention, I had to tell him to take off his socks when we were in the bedroom. I mean come on! Socks during sex??? Ridiculous!!! Ok, back to the living room. The conversation is just about him and his friends having a good time on any given weekend, his work, the fact that he likes attention (he admitted that specifically), and how much he is into me (red flag #6, the socks were #5).

I guess the point of this is that I a really disappointed in myself. This isn't what I want. I want to take my time, I want to continue bonding with my BFF, I want to date not screw just to get laid. Red flag #7- he isn't out to anyone and very close to his friends, he made it pretty clear that he wants to see me more but I got the straight when his friends are around. Not only do I feel cheap and slutty, I feel like I let my BFF down. I now feel like she was saying "go" but really wanted me to stay. I feel really guilty and now I associate negative feelings with this guy. Given that issue and the fact that a relationship out of the bedroom isn't possible with him, this will be chalked up as the gift to myself I mentioned earlier.

I've learned a few things from this experience:
1. When you tell a guy that you want to build a friendship first they hear SEX SEX SEX!!!
2. Put your clothes on and walk out of the house if the dude keeps his socks on.
3. I have no desire to be a sex buddy
4. I should have boughten myself a couple new shirts instead...

So, *sigh*, time to buy some self respect since I left it all at Mr. Flashy's house.

And yes, protection was used, I'm easy, not stupid!!!

[chillythoughts]

dating sites are bad.... I told you this.

[East]

I think the #1 rule in life is to listen to your instincts and when you feel something is "off"...pay attention!

I would process the guilt though and let it go because it might manifest itself later if you don't. Instead...look at it as a lesson learned...and an understandable one as you haven't been with a guy in a long time.

[Wolfpack]

Hi Shannon, sadly a lot of dating sites have guys that are just after "one thing", and i gather from what you have said you want something deeper,well join the club me to , so you are not alone.

As you have stated wanting nude picks sure is a red flag.

I think in a earlier post you stated you have had a problem with sex addiction, and i am sure you are aware if you are not careful you could fall into a trap you do not want to.

Like me you have come out to your true self later in life, so you have had feelings that have been repressed and bottled up for x amount of time.So these feelings are very powerful , and have now been set free, so you have to be wary of them.

Do not let yourself go down a road that is not right for you.
You seem like a pretty sensible guy,and i am sure you will do fine,and hopefully find someone right for you.There are good guys out there it is just managing to find them.
Good luck

[ddd]

Look on the bright side. This date wasn't what you have been expecting, but it helped you figure out what you really want.

[chillythoughts]

Look on the bright side. This date wasn't what you have been expecting, but it helped you figure out what you really want.

true words from a scholar
ddd is right though.

[AlohaShannon]

Thanks all! I'm super grateful to have this support network. I realize than even had I not met up with Mr. Flashy last night, I would be thinking about it today and again tomorrow. I had to experience this is truly understand where I am. So now I have a lot more clarity and understand what my standards and non-negotiables are.

[Mark]

Hey.. Im guessing you had fun? So not everything from it is doom and gloom - and he sounds like he was a good catch! Everyone can have a blow out now and again - and you've let nobody down.

Like said above at least now you are more sure about what you want which is good! Just take this as another lesson learnt, and again I'd like to stress YOU'VE LET NOBODY DOWN. - Plus if the sex was good way hey!

[Bookworm]

I echo what East says (he's one of the most Insightful and perceptive people I know); your'e instinctive/gut feeling proved to be right on this occasion, but don't be too down on yourself. It's an experience earned which you are already processing by the sounds of it, and storing to memory for future reference.

If a person/situation resonates with you on some level then it's always worth exploring, you never know what you might find. Good or bad, we all usually have something we can take from our experiences, it's all part of the journey mile:

[Cuddly]

Well atleast you tried something. And now you know more.

I have to comment on your writing Shannon. I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts, this and the previous ones. They are well written and quite ensnaring. Have you considered a career as a writer? I'm asking because I'd pay for your books.

I don't think you've let your BFF down, really. I think she genuinly wanted you to get out there and go through with this; as you said she felt she was holding you back. The only way to rectify that would be to urge you to press on.