05-10-2014, 05:46 PM
So as some of you guys know, I came to this message board a year ago, I cannot believe it has already been this long. I came on here because I was in search for help, distraction etc...
A year later, I m still struggling getting over my ex. I am finally trying to clamp down on myself and get better, but it is so hard to push through sometimes.
I've went a year trying to contact my ex, trying to talk to him, internet stalking him, and I am not proud of it at all. I know this is not normal behavior
On top of all this I have really bad anxiety. I've figured out I get the most anxiety when I am trying to live in the moment. When I try to forget my ex, forget what I did, stop obsessing over it, that is when my anxiety comes the highest. Many times I thought of just ending my life but here I am still, I don't want to give up on myself just yet.
I know I need to make some fundamental changes to my life, eating healthier, a stable sleeping pattern, a good support group etc...
I just think to myself, if I were my friend, and not myself, I would be telling myself that one day you may find who you connect with the most, and for now just focus on what you can control and improve yourself.
I know we are our own worst critic but what I've done was really out of hand. I am really ashamed at how I handled the break up, I feel at he mercy of my anxiety sometimes but I m not going to let that stop living my life.
The tough part is I do not trust myself and the decisions or non decisions I make in my life anymore. So I dont make any decisions. I dont make any goals. I dont hold myself responsible. It hurt too much. I am trying to turn all that around now and it's so scary to try and do things and be happy. It's also scary to move on from my past and just live like I wasnt some crazy person for the last year.
Not to mention I feel overwhelmingly tired and discouraged. I know I need to talk to a therapist, but the system is slow and I can't really afford to be paying one for myself. I know, one step at a time.... but I dug myself a big whole. I just feel like I have completely humiliated myself and forgot what really matters in life
I just wish this anxiety could go away and I could live my life like I used to.
A year later, I m still struggling getting over my ex. I am finally trying to clamp down on myself and get better, but it is so hard to push through sometimes.
I've went a year trying to contact my ex, trying to talk to him, internet stalking him, and I am not proud of it at all. I know this is not normal behavior
On top of all this I have really bad anxiety. I've figured out I get the most anxiety when I am trying to live in the moment. When I try to forget my ex, forget what I did, stop obsessing over it, that is when my anxiety comes the highest. Many times I thought of just ending my life but here I am still, I don't want to give up on myself just yet.
I know I need to make some fundamental changes to my life, eating healthier, a stable sleeping pattern, a good support group etc...
I just think to myself, if I were my friend, and not myself, I would be telling myself that one day you may find who you connect with the most, and for now just focus on what you can control and improve yourself.
I know we are our own worst critic but what I've done was really out of hand. I am really ashamed at how I handled the break up, I feel at he mercy of my anxiety sometimes but I m not going to let that stop living my life.
The tough part is I do not trust myself and the decisions or non decisions I make in my life anymore. So I dont make any decisions. I dont make any goals. I dont hold myself responsible. It hurt too much. I am trying to turn all that around now and it's so scary to try and do things and be happy. It's also scary to move on from my past and just live like I wasnt some crazy person for the last year.
Not to mention I feel overwhelmingly tired and discouraged. I know I need to talk to a therapist, but the system is slow and I can't really afford to be paying one for myself. I know, one step at a time.... but I dug myself a big whole. I just feel like I have completely humiliated myself and forgot what really matters in life
I just wish this anxiety could go away and I could live my life like I used to.