What's on Your Mind

[Insertnamehere]

[Ammon]

I feel that I'm sad and don't know the source of it exactly..

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=24036]Ibex[/MENTION] Hmm I don't know on that one. Keep talking to him though, may clue you in on what the answer really is...

[Dreamer]

Doing my best... enjoying some wine, right now... my mother got ill last year, and died on April 9th this year.... I had a rough time, and attempted suicide twice, shorty following the trauma of watching her slowly wither away for months into a vegetable, to her dead cold body in hospice. I'm finally detoxed from my psychiatric medications, and I'm getting back on my two feet; fighting this depression and self-hatred. She was an alcoholic, and succumbed to wet brain and excruciating pain from her dying liver... I was her best friend, and she was mine (despite consistent turbulent times in our relationship), and her care giver until she passed. Once, in hospital, she had a blood transfusion once, and died because the hospital refused to treat her ulcers or give her additional blood transfusions due to the stigma of poverty, mental illness, and the fact that she lacked any health insurance. A representative from hospice told me how the local system works where I live; she told me to fight for my mom and how, because she wasn't really dying, but being neglected behind my back (she wasn't admitted to hospice the first time around because the "hospitalist" team paperwork that patients, nurses, and families are barred from seeing told her just that) I want to sue them, but my lawyer said that a trail would favor the doctors because everyone sees them as gods, but what I experienced was intentional neglect, nursing abuse, and Dr.'s that gave 0 fucks about my mother, and more about their paycheck....

I want justice for her, but I'm scared to fight for it... vent over.. thanks for reading, if you did..

[IanSaysHi]

How quick to anger I am... People including those who know me well would have no idea how often my first reaction to situations is anger. However I try to keep it internalised.

[Ibex]

I should get ready to leave for my grandmother soon. Me and my dad will be eating dinner there.

[Insertnamehere]

Waiting and planning, waiting and planning. But when it happens, it's ON.

[Insertnamehere]

How quick to anger I am... People including those who know me well would have no idea how often my first reaction to situations is anger. However I try to keep it internalised.

That aside, I think anger is a common first reaction to many things for a lot of people. I've seen it, more often than not. I'm not sure "internalizing" it is healthy. I mean, yes, one has to exert self restraint and not acting on it, but take it from me, at some point you need an outlet for that anger.

[Sylph]

小僧。。。

^- In my most serious and condescending voice

[artyboy]

hmmmm the world is a strange place sometimes.