Long distance relationship

[Tulloni]

I believe they work. I sort of had one with my ex but we lived in the same country, roughly 150 miles apart, so we were able to see each other each weekend. Eventually we moved in together, then split up later that same year oh well!

It also depends on distance, if you're talking about the same country/state where the other person is within say 100-300 miles and you can see them each weekend, then it isn't a problem. If you're talking about maintaining a relationship with someone from a different country or state where they live 300+ miles away then you may find it a bit more difficult. For example, it would be inconceivable to go out with someone who still lives in Ireland or France whilst I am UK based. I do not want to have to get a ferry, plane, or Eurostar just to see them! It would be too hard, I would have to relocate or they'd have to come here, or we'd just have to forget about it.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Yes, long-distance relationships can work. P.A. and I have been in one since 2003 ... although he'll tell you it's 2002

Regular contact is important. Communication is vital. Both parties need to think seriously about what freedoms they are prepared to claim and to allow. I think topping up the batteries with regular visits is important. Otherwise what is the difference between being in a relationship and being the modern equivalent of pen-friends?

P.A. took a gamble taking me on. I did not have a very good history. He told me very early on that if I needed to find sexual release with other men during our periods apart that would be okay as long as I did not put him at risk. Knowing I have that freedom is enough. I amaze myself that I have never wanted to take that path and my fidelity to him is a gift I am only too pleased to give him. We are both happy to acknowledge that we are real people, real individuals and realistic about what we need to keep us healthy and happy. We do not own each other's bodies.

We both live full and interesting lives. We always have things to share and talk about. Daily text messages, online chatting most days and, two or three times a week, our one-sided Skype calls (I have a cam, but he does not, so he types responses in an IRC window) keep us in touch with each others' lives. I am self-employed and years ago I made the decision to block out a week each month to visit him at his place on the French/Swiss border. During school holidays when I tend to have less work we can spend longer together. For eight years I was living with my father, so return visits were often not possible. After my father died P.A. has spent more time coming to England.

I now live on a narrowboat in England and we have often spent many happy weeks at a time together cooped up in a small space. Any relationship that can endure that intensity must have something going for it.

I can't say whether this kind of relationship would have been possible in our younger years when the testosterone was more abundant, but it certainly works now. Yes, there are many downsides. I often feel that I am in the wrong country. I often miss his physical presence. There are times when I would just like to be able to talk over something with him and he is not available. There are times when I would just love to have a hug or be able to comfort him with a hug after he's had a hard day at work. All that is tough and is a test of the quality of the relationship. However the times we are together are wonderful. We are always excited to see each other again. We have always parted knowing that our time together has flown by and not been anywhere near long enough.

We shall move in together one day. That will probably happen when one or other of us feels able to retire. The chances are we may well be married before we do. Until then we both enjoy our work in our own countries. In the meantime our relationship is enriched by living two lives in two cultures. He lives an urban life surrounded by other apartment blocks and the nearness to facilities, not to mention mains plumbing and drainage! I doubt I could live in a more isolated place in my lovely spot on the river. We each have the advantage of offering the other something completely different in terms of living experience and environment.

By the way, my first paragraph is not a reference to any kind of dispute or even senility. P.A. knew long before I did that this was a partnership to which he was prepared to commit. I love and trust him more than I have ever loved or trusted anyone. He knows more about me than anyone else ever has. We can talk about anything. The most difficult and potentially distressing subjects can be discussed with sensitivity and perspective and my life is immensely rich for having P.A. in it. Every time I take a moment to send a thought his way my heart still gives a little flutter and the thought of him still makes me smile all the way through.

I just wanted to say that I found your post very touching and inspiring on many levels, man. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.