Breakup or Stay together

[ChadCoxRox]

He has no problem.

[ChadCoxRox]

Your taking the time for such a detailed post is evidence enough that you might benefit from some counseling to sort through your thoughts and feelings. The red flags are well demonstrated in your post. If you get to a place where you finally agree I suggest you consult this list as a place to begin.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rm...n&spec=172

[Borg69]

So... what I got out of this is you have insecurity and control issues, and he has intimacy and commitment/faithfulness issues.

I see this as one of those hot summer romances that was never meant to last forever.

Everything was (probably) mostly ok when your lives converged in about the same place at the same time in your college years, but you've since grown apart and are spending way too much time trying to force a relationship that can't go back to what it used to be. There's WAY too much drama going on now, IMO to even remotely patch this back together into a fully trusting relationship. He's never going to be faithful, and you're never going to trust him.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I think that you need to stop seeing this one. If he is unwilling to make changes to prevent hook-ups, then chances are high that this will happen again, and it will hurt even more.

What I have seen is that most cheaters appear to be hardwired for it. I don't know, but the common scenario is they cheat until caught, promise it won't ever happen again, and then oddly enough it does happen again.

There is a psychology to all of this cheating, and there are grains in truth in the old saw 'once a cheater always a cheater' and the saying 'leopards never change their spots' also applies.

What I find interesting is that all but one of your previous mates has cheated on you. Luck of the draw may have some hand at you finding such wonderful mates... However I think that the reality is that you are drawn to specific personality traits which are highly common in people who are prone to cheat.

You need to look beyond just the race of your past mates and really start looking at personality quirks that you find attractive. And then you need to figure out which quirks are the ones that tend to lead to cheating.

Survivors of abuse have a similar fatal attraction. We are attracted to personality quirks which abusers have which if it wasn't for all of that punching, screaming, trying to kill you type stuff are not actually bad quirks.

There must be a special combination of quirks of personality that draws you to these guys.

That means research: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=per...+a+cheater

Sorry Google may not be as friendly as we would want. However there are plenty of websites out there that delve into the constants of personalities that lead to all sorts of behaviors. Cheaters actually have a range of personality 'quirks' that appear to affect the majority of them.

This link is but one site that lists some traits: http://cheatlierepeat.hubpages.com/hub/S...h-Cheaters

DO NOT just stop there. Please by all means check out other sites and see what they have to say. Psychology is not a hard science, meaning that there are a lot of theories and observations from many sources which find commonalities, but a few actually have divergent aspects that may actually hold a clue for you.

BEFORE you put yourself back on the market, I would like for you to take about a year to spend time seriously considering what personality traits you are drawn to. If necessary right up a comparison list of your exes and single out as many of their similarities as you can. Then compare it to the lists that are most likely found on many websites.

While this may not do anything to resolve your current situation, it may go a long way for you to be a bit more selective of who you give your heart too.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I read as far as polygraph.

You already know the answer to the situation, but if it makes you feel more reassured, the answer is YES. Kick him to the curb ASAP.



Obw
X

[justasimpleguy]

I finally sent him a photo video of all the good times we had together. He is asking for councilling. However, he says it is to see if we can come to an understanding of each other. It is not to get back togehter. It has been scheduled two weeks from now.

[justasimpleguy]

I guess the photo video with music changed his mind. We had two fights after that. He said I kept threating to leave him. I told him I threatened to leave him because he was cheating. He eventally said we do not need to talk until we get to councilling.

[Anocxu]

The OP should not be in a relationship. ,..
This is just my personal opinion.

Something tells me you need to get so much out of your system before you engage someone else romantically.

I really really really am not trying to be mean .