Uneunsae Wrote:I'm confused. Are you defending the lies? I think they shouldn't post at all! Why on earth would you risk someone else's health so YOU can get off? I don't understand this mentality and I am horny all the time.
Can you please clarify what you mean by "starting every relationship with a lie"? No, I've never lied to anyone to sleep with them or whatever. I don't say "I love you" too early in relationships. Those words are used way too often. I'm also not like the people who are on their "best behaviour" in the beginning of a relationship and then change later. I'm pretty honest about my flaws too, because I don't want the person to find things out about me later and be surprised. Why? What's the point?? Anyway, that's what I think of when you said that people start relationships with lies. I just disagree with that generalization.
But we're talking about Craigslist, not a serious relationship.
For you it's a generalization because it doesn't applies to you. But what doesn't apply to you doesn't mean that it doesn't applies to many other. I did several work in research and relationship... and while you believe it is a generalization... it isn't.
I am very straightforward and what I say you may not like it... but I rarely intervene to a text or post without knowing or researching. So sorry if it has affect you but like Bob Marley sang so well, if the hat fit let them wear it... the hat doesn't fit you. Great! Skip it, but before saying that I'm totally wrong I invite you to do your own little research. Don't go all the way with 200 couples... pick 2 or three, ask them very well constructed question... Individually and as a couple and proceed to data comparision. Uneunsae, I am what I am and that is a social scientist... and although I don't claim to be 100% right... I don't talk across my hat.
If you were right that I generalized I would have apologized and accepted my fault... but the little example I gave you was part of a bigger research conducted by Department of Psychology (behavioral) from three Universities (Oxford, McGill, Ryerson Polytechnical University (one of the universities I am alumni from) for which I was among the researcher and I compiled the data with two other colleagues from 200 couples out of a questionnaire of 100 questions on couples/relationship behaviors (scope was very large as long they were couple that have been at least a year together).
As to who I am in real life, and what I am online there's very few differences... And I stand surprise sometimes how some people are disconnected from reality. No offense to you - this is not directed to you. This was a general statement 
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
But you said that even I'm not exempt from it. That's what I was addressing. Thank you for stating that maybe it doesn't apply to me. Yes, I agree that most people lie. That's why I am cynical.
I'm sorry if it wasn't clear that I was agreeing about how people are. I was basically trying to say how ridiculous the lies are and how they can hurt someone else. My communication is not always that good.
•
Everyone lies. Lying is an important part of human socialization, and has served a key evolutionary role. Anyone who says they don't lie... Well, they're lying. Uneunsae, if you believe you are above lying, or don't employ deceit in your social interactions, you're sorely mistaken. With the exception of some disorders(which prevent a person from engaging in deceit), everyone lies, on multiple levels, many times each day. You can't fly. You can't breathe underwater. And you can't be completely truthful. It's human nature and you're not exempt. That's what Jake is saying.
This study summary covers the issue of deception more thoroughly. It might upset you to see the results, but the fact is everyone lies.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/comp...d-how-stop
•
Well, I will have him clarify what he was saying but what I read was:
Jake Wrote:Most relationships my dear friend starts with a lie. White lies yes, but a lie nonetheless, and YOU and pretty much everyone in this forum are not exempt from it. You did it, I did it, my husband did it, heck even my parents and grand parents did it.
First time I said I love you to my husband after 6 months of very sexual relationship was a total lie, I didn't really love him... I just liked being with him and having sex with him because everytime we were together in the first year it would always end with either a blowjob, handjob or full blown sex act. But 6 months later when he asked me again (after we had reduce sex and increase time being spent together without necessarily have sex) it was the truth I did started to love him and it started showing since we stopped FUCKING and started making love instead. What's the difference between the two? Neither him or myself were in hurry to spray sperms at each other lol.
Which deals with the context of romantic relationships and specifically beginning relationships with lies. I maintain that I don't do that and if you don't believe me, well that's okay.
We aren't talking about life in general.
•
In the context of hookups or new relationships, we lie even more than normal. But I'm not necessarily talking about direct lying. Lying includes all sorts of Grey areas; shading the truth, lies of omission, half-truths, glossing over, etc. You can tell a person nothing but true things and still be lying. When you say you don't lie, that itself is a self-deception and not accounting for all those other forms of deceit.
•
Yeah humans lie all the time. Tis the primary reason I am hard at work combining H1N1 and H5N1.....
•
Yes, I know all those things about omission, shading the truth, etc. and I make a point not to do that in order to get someone to like me. I'm not the only one, either. I don't really make an extra effort to play social games or win someone's affection. If someone doesn't like me, I'd rather know sooner than later. It doesn't mean I'm rude because I'm not that way; I'm just myself.
I don't do hookups, but have considered it, and completely get why lying/omission/etc would be flat out required.
But for serious relationships? No, it's not necessary, and just because many people do it doesn't mean everyone does. This of course, is just my opinion and it may not be fact for other people. Maybe they think it is necessary.
I do lie in other situations, though.
•
Jake Wrote:For HIV to be contracted by oral sex - blowjob (taking in consideration that it's all clean, with healthy gums and treated cavities) it would take roughly 7 liters of saliva for you to contract HIV from fellatio. And it will need to be drunk. In an average on a 24 hours, 7 liter is what one single human being produces of saliva. So wants HIV or any other STD from saliva, spit in a bucket every few seconds for the whole day, and at the end of the day drink it up... still your chance will still be quite minimal to contract an STD.
I have to ask,what about pre-cum? I've read that pre-cum also contains STD just like cum (not sure if the percentage is similar),so doesn't that mean there's still that chance of contracting HIV from a fellatio through pre-cum? Also I've read that if you immediately swallow a cum,the virus will get killed in your stomach,or you could just spit it out immediately as well,but if the cum has had a contact with your mouth,I somehow doubt that swallowing or spitting will reduce the risk significantly,does it? :confused:
I'm thinking of hooking up with this guy who claimed to be as virgin as I am,but now that I think of it,there's no way to verify that he's really a virgin,sigh. :frown:
•
Pre-cum is a body fluid and would carry HIV in an infected person. Are you understanding how difficult it is to contract HIV from oral sex? Nearly impossible. Even if you sucked an infected person and swallowed, it's nearly impossible. HIV is not easily trasferred, and infection depends on a number of factors including your own immune system. Having unprotected sex with an infected person isn't a surefire way to contract it. By all means, protect yourself. But this overwhelming fear of coming into contact with infected individuals is irrational.
I've had unprotected sex with 3 different individuals in my past who were positive. It's nothing i'm proud of, or recommend, but it happened. I didn't catch anything. Yes, i'm lucky, but my point is that it's absurd to live your life completely terrified of experiencing things or taking risks. It's up to each of us to decide what risks are and are not worth taking, but failure to take risks based on irrational fear is a shitty way to live.
•
artyboy Wrote:You get a risk of a plain crushing into you while you cross the road.
I'm just quoting from National (UK) stats on people catching anything from BJs.
Look it up, if you don't believe me?
You cant catch AID/HIV through bjs if that is what you are worried about. Unless you have cut yourself in the mouth and you should never clean your teeth after bjing someone you dont know
I never said I don't believe you, I'm simply saying that no matter how low the risk is, it's still a risk. I rather take my chances getting hit by a plane than perform a bj on a stranger who's standing in a park waiting for the first person that walks by..
The reason I said "A risk no matter how low is still a risk.." Is because it's not just HIV you should worry about. Which makes the "low" risk much higher, which makes me not just waiting to get hit by a plane but also a car, a bicycle and a motorcycle.
Sure there are vaccines for some infections but (personal opinion) I rather stick with 1 person who I know and trust.
•
|
